I love this picture because I see myself captured in the girl's expression. It seems like more often than not I hug someone only to wish to never let go. Sometimes a hug just doesn't cover all I want to do and say.
Here's an over-asked question for my blog readers..
Can a man and woman be just friends?
If you would have asked me this six months ago I would have fought you down to my last breath that yes, indeed they can be.
It was something I needed to believe at the time and have attempted to validate throughout my dating life.
However, after much time and consideration, my final answer is the exact opposite--
absolutely not.
Realize that when I'm talking about friendship I'm referring to the term friend as more than a casual relationship. I guess you could call my idea of this friendship as platonic in a way-- intimate and affectionate but not sexual.
If I was talking about casual friends I'd say sure, no problem.. I have plenty of male friends that I don't feel like there's any pressure from either party to take it to a different level and we can enjoy the time we spend together.
But I'm not referring to that.
Here's my main argument against the possibility of a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex without being in a romantic relationship with them:
The closer you are to them, the more intimate the relationship becomes which will lead to a desire for closer intimacy.
No matter the sex of my closest friends, they're the ones who I will share my thoughts and secrets with, the ones I'll want to stand side by side with to celebrate my happiness, the ones I will turn to for comfort and reassurance, and the ones I rely on for love.
Having this person be of the opposite sex naturally takes the relationship to a committal and romantic level.
I've found that if I'm not interested in someone of the opposite sex as a potential companion, I make sure to keep a distance between us and throw up a wall to prevent too much personal and intimate connection.
I'm not saying you can't try to make it work-- just that you'll hit obstacles and will be continuously fighting against what naturally occurs:
"Whatever the challenges of male-female friendship, researchers agree that to succeed as friends, both genders have to openly and honestly negotiate exactly what their relationship will mean—whether sexual attraction is a factor and how they'll deal with it—and establish boundaries."
Maybe I'm being narrow-minded and letting my intense love for my friends cloud my judgment, but to me, if I really care about someone I'm going to want to be with them all I can and have them as part of my life in as many ways as possible.
And that's not exactly cohesive with being just friends.
Hear hear.
ReplyDeleteWell said...or written. In particular, I like and want to agree with your evaluation of the term "friend". If one considers a "friend" to be any acquaintance with whom friendly interactions are shared, then yes, remaining just "friends" is quite plausible. On the other hand, if one considers a "friend" to be someone with whom the relationship is more "intimate and affectionate", then eventually deeper, more romantic feelings will trickle into the heart of one or sometimes both friends...
ReplyDeleteThat brings up another question... can romantic feelings be felt by only one individual involved in a "platonic friendship"? And if so, why is that the case (is the other simply not putting as much heart into the relationship, or perhaps there are situations when two friends of the opposite sex can be close without feeling the need to take the friendship to the next level)? Also, if only one friend has the more romantic feelings, then what?
Thanks again for another enjoyable read. Sorry for basically restating what you had already stated. I could have been content with simply seconding Drew's "hear, hear".
Here is a blog post replying to your middle paragraph:
Deletehttp://mannadarlin.blogspot.com/2012/05/unrequited-love.html
I did leave out one point from the paragraph in my post: "perhaps there are situations when two friends of the opposite sex can be close without feeling the need to take the friendship to the next level"
I need an explanation before I can properly answer that. Are you referring to a situation in which both people are interested romantically but want to keep the relationship at a friendship level? OR a situation in which neither person is interested romantically? OR something else?
I'll check out the newest post after responding to your question here.
DeleteI was referring to the second scenario: Is it possible for neither individual to have romantic feelings, and thus remain close friends? Haha, now that I state it that way, I realize that that is the original question of this entire post... Don't feel obligated to answer it all over again.
To be completely honest with you, I disagree on part of what you're saying. Not all, just part. I really think it has to do with what type of situation you're both in. For instance: if you're married or in a serious relationship it wouldn't be appropriate to grow emotionally intimate with a member of the opposite sex. That's just asking for trouble in so many ways. Usually if you want to continue a closer relationship with someone in that manner it needs to be for of a friendship between couples.
ReplyDeleteBut here is an example I'd love to hear your thoughts about. It happened to me a time or two. I've had a couple of really good friends who were girls. (separate time periods) As a good friend she and I would often share our frustrations, fears, laughs etc. But some of the MOST beneficial moments were when we could "complain" about, ask advice about or share advice about our current interests in the opposite gender. It varied from developing relationships, to casual crushes. but it helped.
Just a thought.