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I believe in dedicating my life to the things I truly love. This is my way of sharing that love with you.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Empty days

Do you ever have days when everything is like an abstract black and white photo? No color. No understandable focus point. No idea what the whole picture is. No desire to find any beauty.

I'm having one of those days.

It started with feeling too stoned to get up this morning and has led to the most ultimate boredom I've experienced in... well.. since engineering classes. At least then there were distractions.

Even though I feel like a horrible person because I'm cranky and wasting an entire day in which I could do so many amazing things, I still can't bring myself to have even the slightest desire to do anything. ANYTHING. I don't want to eat. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to shower. I don't want to watch a movie. I don't want to swim. Heck, I don't even want to eat shaved ice. Something is terribly wrong. And the worst part? There is one thing that I want to do but it is not an option because guess what? some people have lives. I hate that-- those times that I'm such an absolute spoiled brat that I want to hate the world even more because I can't have one thing my way.

I have this void in my life and the problem is, I am not sure how to fill it. Sure, I have plenty of ideas and options... I could ignore the void and spend every minute working which is what I originally planned to do this summer-- work to avoid thinking and avoid facing some realities in my life. But I don't want to do that. Especially not today. It's not fair to make other people deal with me when I'm like this. So another option-- find a new interest that I can dive into entirely. I actually wanted to pick up an old hobby this summer but I have not yet been able to. I wanted to get my piano moved to my house so I can learn how to play again. I used to be really good at playing the piano. I had dreams of playing beautiful pieces by Beethoven and I actually had my favorite piece of his learned quite well at one time. But I have no way of personally moving my piano to my house and I am too stubborn with myself to ask for help. So my final main option that I came up with-- find the person that will change my life. I know that only I can really do that but perhaps there is a person who makes me want to be everything I've dreamed about. A person who brings that motivation so I will have a purpose in being the person I know I can be. My last attempt at that plan failed but most days I am still fighting. Fighting because it is something I want more than anything else right now.

I watched a movie the other night and really liked this line:
Sometimes, you play the game even if you know you’ll lose. And sometimes, you leave the game even if you know you’ll win.
It's given me a lot to think about. So often I play a losing game because it is something I want so much I would never forgive myself if I walked away and did not give it my very best. But there are times too when I have walked away because winning no longer held what I was looking for. Not that the end result changed but more that I changed. Either that or I couldn't stand watching myself hurt them.

There are those times though when you neither lose or win. Those times when you and your opponent are two solitary kings on a chess board. Then what am I supposed to do?

Disney Couples

We all love Disney movies, right? Well, most of us. We just won't talk about the outsiders. 
My friend brought up an interesting question the other day--
Which Disney relationship is most likely to survive?

Quick!- choose which one you think and then see how others' answers compare and because of what reasoning.

I'm not going to hit every Disney couple-- whether because the movies aren't as widely known, I have absolutely no interest in the couple, or simply because I can't remember enough about the movie to comment.
Touring from oldest to youngest:

Snow White and Prince Charming
First off, having the prince be known as only "Prince Charming" is a red flag. Let's stereotype for a minute-- prince.. therefore he has been pampered his entire life and as a result is expecting to get whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He is full of daydreams and fairytales because he has never once been forced to face "the real world." Then there is Snow White of whom we have very little personal background about. But we do know this-- she is timid and kind and likes to sing to animals. However, Snow White too is full of Disney dreams and a fluff future as she sings for her prince to find her and sweep her off her feet. 
So- relationship-wise how will do I rate this? Well, in all honesty, pretty high despite all the negative comments I just made. They're both young and naive but as royalty their life together will be aided with endless help. They are young enough that they have not yet become their own stubborn personality and can still adapt to working as part of a relationship. Then again, how often do our high school crushes actually make it to the big leagues?

Next-- the classic Cinderella and Prince Charming.
Again-- "Prince Charming" -> red flag. Cinderella however, has a lot to offer in my opinion. She's been scarred from failed relationships and family trauma but she is also a hard worker and kind and humble which hopefully she'll use all for her future benefit. I guess the real question in this relationship is whether Prince Charming is willing to adapt to Cinderella's lifestyle when it appears that she has experienced so much more than him and will therefore take life much more realistically and tend to be restless simply filling the role as Barbie queen. I give this relationship a moderate to low survival rating since there is nothing tying them together other than what I will refer to as "Disney love"

Peter Pan and Wendy girl
The boy who didn't want to grow up whose life was a game and then the girl who has been pampered by rich English parents while not quite even a lady. Yeah, I give it a miracle rating-- as in, if it survives I'll be entirely mind blown. Too young. Too immature. SO not ready for adulthood and a real relationship. It's a Bieber kind of love.

Lady and the Tramp (notice how almost all of these couples have the emphasis on the female)
What a charming and unlikely yet entirely likely couple. It's the classic love story-- the poor bad boy and the proper naive girl. Like Titanic. They're drawn to each other because of this intriguing new lifestyle and personality. And somehow,  it works. Plus, they're dogs-- far less emotional than people so they've got that on their side. High rating for the dogs.

Prince Phillip and Aurora
Well, its getting better at least on the male side-- he has a name. Then you throw in the arranged marriage aspect and Aurora's total separation from a normal world and you run in to some problems. I'm not sure their relationship started out as a lie. I think its actually a good thing that he didn't know she was the princess at first- it gave him time to see her without that classifier fogging up the screen. If I'm getting any of this wrong feel free to think I'm a fool but honestly, I haven't seen this movie in a very long time. This couple gets a low rating because he comes off as a macho glory-and-woman seeking "man" while she has her own troubles of being separated from the world for so long that she's so naive it's not even necessary to point it out.

Pongo and Perdita
Kind of the same relationship story as Lady and the Tramp.  . . Plus they have like a million puppies... it's gotta work out.

Robin Hood and Lady Miriam 
MEh... great movie but he's a go getter- attention seeking- kid. And she's once again a naive girl ready to be charmed by the most fun boy. Not gonna work.

Eric and Ariel
As much as I absolutely love this movie the survival rating for this couple is pretty low too. Eric is confused... He's in that awkward stage where he doesn't talk personally to many people and can't even kiss a girl. I mean, he's cute and all but the flute playing on the beach and ship parties and being smitten over a voice doesn't lead to a successful relationship that requires hard work and commitment and knowing what you want. Then there is Ariel who just found her first love and is engaged with the idea of a charming boy to like her in a world full of adventure. Not realistic and not going to work.

Beauty and the Beast
Ah, here is a couple who will most definitely make it happen forever. Although we all know the Beast was well, a beast, he had a change of heart and personality because of Belle that created a person worthy of her unlike the tools like Gaston back in town. And I believe that change to be a permanent one without the Beast eventually relapsing. He learned to put others in front of his own needs and figured out how to have a heart. Belle seems to have already been born with the whole compassionate loving person identity.. But she learned things too. She learned what trials were and learned how she personally can make a difference. And I think that by building a friendship and then eventually a relationship through difficulties creates something quite amazing.

Aladdin and Jasmine
Although this is a love at first sight, poor boy falls for rich girl story I see a lot of potential. Their personalities are very similar and both appear to be rather selfless even though they either have everything handed to them or stolen for their benefit. Their compatibility is what makes me want to say they'll survive. However, their relationship was started out on a lie which is always an extremely difficult thing to correct and forgive but in the case of the two of them it seemed to go fairly well.

John Smith and Pocahontas
SOoooo not gonna happen.. First off-- they're over by the 2nd movie. But pretending we didn't actually know that, let's be realistic.. their worlds are just too different. I think most of the intrigue is because each one is so different, not necessarily that the two like each others' personalities. The two of them would make a great friendship but more than that has to be build off of something and I don't really see much of that something between the two of them.

Meg and Hercules
As silly and shallow as this relationship appears in the beginning, it has true potential in the end as both of them grow up a lot and realize what really matters to them. There is a ...golden... noble... I'm not really sure what word to use here... bond created in their relationship and I can't imagine anything breaking it since they've already been through hell together. literally. So ya- high rating in my opinion.

Mulan and Shang
This relationship is all sorts of weird. Shang is only focused on being a good general and making his father proud but then his father dies and the fate of China rests on his shoulder so Shang sees everything as strictly war. Mulan is only focused on saving her father and gaining honor for her family. So you see-- the movie is really not focused on their relationship until the final scene. I agree that due to the fact that their relationship was based off of a lie in the beginning there is a lot to be worked through but the ending shows that both are willing to give it a second start and put forth the effort and in my mind, once that happens the rest is history. They both have strong personalities and want to prove themselves. They are both good to the core and work well together. I'm voting that they trust each other now even though that trust was lost. So they built that friendship and bond during war and now that said situation has ended they can start fresh and take time to test a relationship that in my hope will succeed.

Jane and Tarzan
This is also a strange case... woman and part ape.. weird. But honestly, it could work. Tarzan wants to be part of the human world and Jane is not exactly normal so she also could fit into his world. Kinda. It would be an interesting between worlds relationship but both are patient and understanding and ready to accept new things. I could definitely see things working out for them.

Anastasia and Dimitri
I realize that this is not technically a Disney couple but I'm going to count them anyways. I absolutely love the two of them. Their congenial personalities, their humble upbringings, their shared journey in not only Anastasia finding out who she really was, but Dimitri also. They went through a lot together and have built a lot of trust and started out as enemies that turned to friends that turned to love. That is the way I think relationships should happen. Maybe minus the enemy part though. High high relationship survival in my mind.

Derek and Odette
Also not a Disney couple but another one of my absolute favorites. Although I think Derek is a complete ding dong I think the relationship will survive... until the day they die? No.. much longer. Plus.. it was directed by a mormon. We're talking eternity suckas.

My initial answer to this question of Disney relationship survival was Mulan. The other few people I have asked chose Beauty and the Beast. They're both promising choices. 

But when it comes down to it... it doesn't matter. They're characters in animated fairy tales.

What really matters are these relationships and characteristics here and now and what they can tell us about ourselves and how we are trained to see relationships. 

To be or not to be? 

Always the question.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Tabitha's HS masterpiece

Dear [...],
I didn’t know what to say,
So I decided to get some help.
I first asked someone to write something that rhymed


The approach of Winter has us all in a stir…
Along the Formal lines a shout can be heard:

[...], [...], you’re my man…
If I can’t take you nobody can!!!”

Now, this may seem an odd rendition,
But if you can’t figure me out, you’ll be in perdition!”


Well, that didn’t work, so I decided to ask for something a little more friendly.

Roses are red,
Violence is too.
The Christmas Dance is coming,
And I’M GOING WITH YOU!”


ALRIGHT!! That wasn’t me. I swear it was that crazy guy who lives on our couch. We threw that couch out Years ago, and he’s still there! Well, umm, I started looking for something a little less threatening

My Darling
How I long to see your face and tell you who I am,
Yet you must figure it out of your own accord.
And though, this is a part of the dating game,
My heart is pained at your slightest discomfort.
How sorry I am to leave you hunting in the dark!
I can’t bear to see you lost and alone for long.
Your every joy brings me smiles and your sorrows, Agony.
I cannot live without you!!”

WHOA!!!!
Someone’s been watching entirely too many operas.

To whom it may concern:

Contained in this document is the outline of the proposal in which Party A (the asking party) requests the company of Party B(you) at an organized and supervised social gathering in which many good-natured remarks and other such social activities may be experienced. It is anticipated that this event will take place on the 16 of December 2006. Upon acceptance of this proposal Party B will inform Party A of said acceptance in a manner that is both consistent with local customs and practices and in a timely manner. It is expected that this partnership will last one day and should prove to be mutually beneficial to both parties. We thank you for your consideration and await your reply.

Sincerely,
John J Widstoe Sr. the II
On behalf of “the Girl who made the Cookies”’

Well, that was a little longer than I was thinking of, plus I couldn’t understand half of it, so I asked for something a little lessformal


Dear, why do you shun me so?
Is it because I chew your gum after you do?
Does that freak you out?


Whoa!! O.K. Maybe asking for help was just TOO muchuhhhsomething Hmmm

Well, this wedding invitation has the right idea. So, here goesmy very own idea...sort of

The girl in question
(that’s me)
requests
the honor
of
your company
at the
Winter Formal Dance.
Please
RSVP ASAP.


Lost in a Teenage Mind

LOST IN A TEENAGE MIND

by Brianna Nelson and Amanda Meacham

The rubber band hurried away from my tormenting fingers as it glided across the room. I saw blue eyes flash in my direction as I inconspicuously reverted my attention back to my physics teacher. Sure, out of all the boys in the class it had to hit him. Luckily I was rescued by a gust of cold air drifting from the door. I quickly scanned the new girl and rolled my eyes at her flashy inept appearance. Really, the saggy blue butterfly shirt and jeans with rhinestones was not going to get her far. She handed the teacher her slip from the office and quickly took a seat next to Landon. Yes, THE Landon Wiles: senior god and rubber band victim. I’m surprised there was even a seat next to him but the boredom of an AP physics class must have weeded out his usual entourage of girls. Note to self: take more AP classes to reduce estrogen influence in classroom. I glanced over to see Landon and the newest mass of hormones whispering quietly to each other. Obviously her appearance didn’t reflect on her personality. She was perfectly capable of fitting in socially as long as her friends were blind. My eyes narrowed into a glare as I stared her down. The stupid flirt was probably already making plans for a fresh make out partner this weekend. Little did she know that Landon was completely and undeniably unavailable. It wasn’t that he was already claimed by anyone, he was just too good for anyone, especially someone like me. I’m mature enough to admit that yes, I was once among those bottled up bodies of estrogen that followed his every move, worshiped his body, and became infatuated with his very being. Even to this day I’ll still admit that Landon is a very attractive boy.
The ring of the bell brought me back into my harsh reality. As I pulled my frumpy, generic, black coat on I lapsed back into daydreaming. I thought of the warm dry heat of Arizona compared to today’s typical humid, chilly Oregon weather. I really do love Oregon but at times my mind returns to the summer I spent in Scottsdale, Arizona with my rich aunt. Reliving the illusion of my body burning from the sun was extremely useful and comforting on days like today. Really, black frumpy coat vs. sexy tank top and shorts. Which would you pick?
As I drudged into my Calculus class along with my fellow nerds I noticed an unfamiliar frumpy black coat dressed person turned toward the teacher. How I differentiated that coat from all the others is beyond me. As my brain slowly r couldn’t eacted (like it usually does as soon as I step into this classroom) I realized who the new frumpy freak was. It was her. Geez I at least be left in peace in my super nerdy classroom? For some reason this chick really irritated me and now here she was following me around like a bad case of fleas. As soon as the bell rang she took the seat between Landon and Brinley who was a sexy beast too but lacked Landon’s flawless smile.

He didn’t think I would do it, but here I was at a brand new high school where I could start all over and be hott and sexy, and I was wearing my Aunt Penny’s old gross clothes from some prehistoric decade just to prove him wrong. Wouldn’t he be utterly astonished when I sent him a pic of me and the beautiful man beside me. I could look disgusting and still snag a sexy-hott man. Life was good. I laughed to myself which startled Landon (I think that was his name) beside me and we quickly started talking about everything. We shut up quickly when Mr. Akers the physics teacher glared at us and started taking expertant AP notes on the wonders of gravity and its influence upon falling objects. After a while I turned my head and a blonde girl on the other side of the room was glaring at me. Glaring! What the heck was her problem? It’s never good to have enemies at a new school I’d have to let her into my mind.
After class Landon offered to walk me to calculus our next class. Of course I obliged! In the next class we all took off our vile black jackets. (Really if you had to live in this humid-stricken hell-hole why in the world would you add a black jacket to the drabness? I’m thinking I’m gonna hit up the stores and buy a sexy-hott yellow rain coat- this new fashion sense might really make me happy) anyway… in calculus glaring-blonde girl glared at me some more as I sat by Landon and his friend Brinley who, oh my heck, totally beat Landon in the sexy department. (I’d really have to get his digits and make him sit in on my photo I was sending to James back home. He’d be totally shocked and I hoped a little jealous. Hmm this could work out beautifully for me… what a lovely thought, I’ll have to get back to that the teacher’s talking now.)
ZZZZzzzzzzzz…ZZZZzzzzzzzzz…ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz……………calculus over… you know sometimes being a genius sucks. Like when you know the material before class and you can’t even fake like you are paying attention during class, and then you ace the test. Teachers hate that. It makes them feel useless you know. Oh well. I have more pressing matters. The blonde-angry-eyes is makin’ a beeline for the door I have to stop her.
Hey wait!” says Landon.
Yah?” says I.
I thought we’d eat lunch together where are you running off to?”
I was chasing that blonde girl-she was glaring at me and I want to know why.”
Her? Oh that’s just Charlotte she glares at everyone don’t take it personal.”
I’ll be right back I need to do this save me a seat, ok?” I spotted her long blonde locks across the cafeteria and sat myself down across from her and her friends.
Hi” I said, “I’m Satari Josephs and you’re Charlotte. I don’t really know you, and you don’t really know me, but I absolutely love your name it is so gorgeous. And your hair is absolutely fabulous do you use Fructis? It totally shows.”
She stared at me like I was some stenchy dog that died in place of her Caesar salad and was pretending to be her lunch.
Leave please!” she demanded as her friends let out guffaws of smothered laughter. (Well at least she had the decency to say please how thoughtful of her. I guess I must oblige.) I smiled at her and bit my tongue as the acidic comments started to ooze from it. Instead I wrote down my phone number and slid it to her and said, “If you need to borrow my physics notes I totally have them all, I know you were kind of distracted during that class.” I made a point to turn my head in Landon’s direction and very unsubtly coughed. “Or you know we could just chill or whatever. I have a feeling we will be great friends.” I smirked and walked away.

The twitch of the generic school clock seemed slower than usual as I concentrated on it rather than my teacher. Someday I would pay for my daydreaming with a B or two but honestly I didn’t care at the moment. The girl with the blue butterfly shirt was causing my stomach to twitch in rhythm with the clock. Jealously? Is that what I was feeling? No surely not jealously but yet I had to admit to myself that maybe there were still tender emotions for Landon that left uncomforting twangs in my stomach. I silently slid my folder into my navy blue backpack that so perfectly matched my eyes. Twitch 5…twitch 4…twitch 3…twitch 2…twitch 1… I braced myself for a quick get away. RINNNG!!! Finally… I quickly passed butterfly girl and beautiful Landon without glancing in their direction and sprinted to the cafeteria. I needed to talk to Wesley. Once I released this morning’s anxiety on him he would know how to make me feel better.
I let out a huge sign of relief and grinned as I walked in the cafeteria and saw my friends sitting together waiting for me. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to balance out the scale of how amazing my friends are and what a blessing they are to me. I quickly took a seat between Wesley and Kristine and began to unfold the reasons behind my flustered morning. During the middle of the story I glanced up to see stupid butterfly girl heading in my direction. Oh please no don’t you dare come try to talk to me. I felt like a 5-year-old as I fought the desire to hide under the table, plug my ears, and start crying. Ugh life sucks she is coming to talk to me.
Blah blah blah I’m a stupid little freak with a big chest who can get any guy’s attention and now I want to rub it in your face. Let’s be friends.”
Ugh. Although I would have really enjoyed telling her to go to Hell I sufficed with, “Leave, please!” I could at least pretend that I was using manners.
If you need to borrow my physics notes I totally have them all, I know you were kind of distracted during that class.” Yeah distracted is an understatement. This morning around her and Landon was more like infatuated freakiness. After she flounced away I quickly wadded up the slip of paper with her number on it that she passed me and chucked it into the black hole of my backpack. Groan! So I have now officially met THE Satari Josephs. That was an experience I could have easily passed up.
Just as I turned back to Wesley I caught a glimpse of wavy brown hair attached to one beautiful body. Oh man… and do I mean MAN. Why don’t they make more guys like that? His light brown eyes flickered across the cafeteria looking for an available seat. Ooh pick me! A neon poster with “perfect available seat and girl here” would have been perfect at this moment. No, get a grip on yourself. It’s just a boy it’s not like you haven’t seen any of them before. Oh but not just a boy. The defined muscles showed through his casual shirt that emphasized his tan skin.
What the heck is your problem?” Wesley asked as he rudely interrupted this beautiful moment.
Huh? What?” I whispered, not taking my eyes away from my latest vision. It had to be a vision. There was no way I could be so lucky to be here in his presence.
What are you looking at? Really, what is wrong with you today?” I turned to look into Wesley’s concerned blue eyes. He has gorgeous eyes too. At this moment though I didn’t really care. I’m surprised I’m focused enough to even realize.
Sorry Wesley I’m just having one of those insane days that no one can ever really explain.” I smiled apologetically and sighed as he gave me a light hug. I silently vowed to discover the identity of the new male although in a much more normal fashion than my behavior today. Project Gorgeous begins today.
I left Charlotte aghast and flounced (yes flounced I was being the cheery airhead-- why not live it up?) back over to Landon and Brinley!
Well, that was delightful,” I said to the boys.
Really? She looks like she wants to kill you,” said Landon.
Brinley turned away from his burger and looked towards Charlotte, “Dude what do you mean? I’m a guy and I can tell that look is not one of death.” (He sounded almost…Jealous?… did he like Charlotte? One more mystery for the matchmaking detective in me.)
I turned back to look at Charlotte again. She did have googoo eyes now, but for whom? I followed her eyes and they landed on…KALE! She was looking at KALE!
OMG guys, I think she totally has the hotts for my brother look at the way she is drooling.”
Dude! He is your brother?! He was in my chemistry class earlier he is a freakin genius!” Said Brinley, sounding utterly defeated. (Seriously, who was this guy?)
Ya, it’s kind of a curse that is in our genes, we are all bloody geniuses.”
Let’s not be modest,” said a sarcastic voice from down the table, (I think her name was Jeslee, and she was totally angry at me for deterring Landon’s adoration for her. She definitely had a little thing for him.)
“Well, should I be a liar instead?” I asked.
“Whatev.” She said and turned away, well, she turned, but her eyes soon went quickly back to me as they followed Kale towards the seat next to me. (Was he really that attractive? KALE! My brother?! Whatever I’ll deal with that later.)
“ Hey Kale, how were classes?”
“Perturb-ably plain.”
“Bi-literation, that’s hott,” I laughed.
“Indeed. What is that ghastly apparel you are wearing?”
“James dared me don’t you remember?”
“Ah yes,” he said fingering his chin, “I do recall this.”
“James?” Said Jeslee, “Is he your boyfriend?” Her eyes flickered to Landon and then back to me. All the boys stopped mid bite to hear the answer…(it was great to have this much power. And to be so admired.... interesting…)
No, I said, he’s just our best friend back home.” (And then the power was gone, but I felt Landon scoot imperceptibly closer to me…. No I had to have imagined that, but then why on earth did Jeslee look like she was going to kill me with her eyes? Ugh… high school drama…)
Ring Ring! Oh glorious bell, which means PE, non-coed! Who ever would have thought I’d want to get away from so many hott guys?
I walked to the locker room with my new entourage and once in the safety of the locker room door, I shuddered vigorously to help breathe after so much testosterone. Unfortunately, Jeslee was behind me.
What the heck was that freak!”
I tried to explain to her:
Have you ever been in a situation where you just absolutely despised everything and like everyone and when you get away you just want to freak out? That is my freak out!”
Um, I guess I understand a little bit, but you are still a freak. Hello! Landon and Brinley, so hott! Why would you shudder?”
I don’t know I guess they aren’t really my type, but I can totally tell you dig Landon. Why don’t you go after him?”
I don’t even like him.”
Liar!”
He likes Charlotte, and now he likes you I don’t even have a chance.”
Are you kidding me? He so does not like Charlotte, believe me I know, I have a sixth sense for these things, and he is only looking at me cause I’m fresh-flirty meat, give it a week and he’ll be all over you.”
He’s had three years and he has done nothing.”
give me some time with him and I’ll hook you up.”
You know you are totally a freak, but I think I might find I like you, if you let me give you a fashion makeover first.”
Thanks, I guess, but totally lets do it.”
Good, lets hit the malls after school, I wouldn’t mind if you brought Kale.” (She smiled)
Wait do you like Kale? Or do you like Landon? Fickle woman choose!”
Well, in case you aren’t the matchmaker you profess to be, I have to have options.”
Fair enough, I’ll ask, but I can’t guarantee anything, he likes his lab too much.”
Lab?”
He is a genius.”
The teacher came in then, and made us all get locks and gym clothes. Ugh! And then I saw her—Charlotte! The teacher’s aid. (I wonder if she gets gym credit for that? That would explain a lot, that rear of hers was absolutely gargantuous!) We could have fun with this…

For the second time today the ring of the school bell forced me abruptly out of my thoughts. 

My fabulous humor and personality


 In order to avoid going to sleep this evening I began randomly going through old documents saved on my laptop and I have copied snippets from several for your reading pleasure. Its interesting to see how people change over time and what they used to find interesting and what better way to see this transition than through writing?

I used to be this boy crazy girl who had lists made in young womens of what kind of guy I wanted to marry some day. Ya know, the typical... "priesthood holder, tall dark and handsome, good job, funny..." And I still want those things but it's interesting to see how my focus has changed and how due to experiences over time I've found more detailed and practical things to look for. I feel like it is much to personal to post the list I made but here's a text I sent a friend about 8 months ago sharing what I was looking for:
"I want to marry someone who the only thing they love more than me is the lord. Someone who will appreciate my rude attitude and humor. Someone who keeps me in line and who I have to keep up with instead of dragging them behind me.”
And to this day.. thats still what I look for although even now I've reached a entirely new level of understanding. It's amazing how things change. 

I also used to spend hours and hours and hours on F My Life and My Life Is Average. Here are a few of my favorites I copied and saved: 
Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

Last week a friend and I were driving around and she decided to rate the guys we saw from 1-10. A really cute guy pulled up next to us and she points at him and screams "HE'S AN 8!" He looked at her and replied,"Your window's down sweetie. And you're a 7." And drove off. MLIA
Today my stomach growled really loudly. Four people checked their phones. MLIA
Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML

A couple years ago I made a list of things I wanted to do before I got married and became too busy:
1. Learn to ride a motorcycle
2. Hike the Grand Canyon (again)
3. Hike the Narrows/Subway (Zion's National Park)
4. Sew a fancy dress
5. Learn to play the guitar (I have one but have not learned much)
6. Backpack to Rock Lake (~2 hour drive +3-4 hour horseback ride. And that's just from the nearest little city in Colorado)
7. Go sailing
8. Attend a concert (I'm talking rock-and-roll... not Clay Aiken and InsideOut)
9. See Redwood forest (Didn't have time for that on my visit to SanFran)
10. Run a 5K (lol because I love running so much, right?)
11. Sleep outside in a public area (ex: park)
12. Learn how to use a photoshop program
13. Accomplish a convincing emo look
14. Finish a Rubix cube.   --DONE (although I'm not sure it counts)
15. Paint a picture
16. Sleep in a swimming pool
17. Pull an all-nighter
18. Learn to skateboard   --DONE

Then I also have random lists... like my pet peeves of pages torn out of spiral notebooks and people holding cigarettes but not actually smoking them, people who complain about things when there's no point in doing so (like I often do), streets that don't line up straight.... Or my favorite things--holding hands at church, stolen kisses, shampoo, bees crawling on my hand, thick warm rain, driving freely... Weird things about me like how I rarely drink an entire glass of liquid. I hate drinking the last inch because it grosses me out... especially if its a drink I'm sharing with other people. In my mind that's where all the backwash and nasties condense so I usually just keep the same glass and keep filling it up although only drinking part of it each time. I also have this weird obsession with the time 8:14. 14 is my favorite number and when my bedtime was 8pm I used to lay in bed and stare at the clock while the time read 8:14 and then I'd go to sleep. I also had listed phrases I dislike-- "Ya know?"(this phrase has absolutely no meaning and is often used as an afterthought similar to the word "um") "How are you?"(People use this so often as a passing by conversation. Half the time no one ever answers and if they do it's almost always answered with "fine or good." TOTALLY pointless because very few actually give a CheezIt how you are.) "Whatever makes you happy." (HATE this phrase. If you want to make me happy then figure it out yourself and don't throw that phrase in so I feel like you're simply catering to my wants at your own cost.)

I made a list of "you know you're a nerd if..." -> the best form of entertainment is competing to see who can push buttons on the calculator faster.

I also saved quotes I liked--
 You know when you listen to music playing from another room? And you're singing along because it's a tune that you really love? When a door closes or a train passes by so you can't hear the music anymore, but you sing along anyway...then, no matter how much time passes, when you hear the music again, you're still in the exact same time with it. That's what love is like." Anonymous


This one originated in reference to a guy who liked me who did not always shave and I was told that smoothies are much better than boys -"Nothing prickles you when you drink a smoothie." ~Stephannie



Or how about this one-- after we sang for a ballet in Phoenix we decided to go looking for the infamous Van Buren prostitutes -> "So how far are we going to drive down Van Buren? Until we see a prostitute? "~Kailie
"YESSSSS!!!!!"~Allison
We never found them.

Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly”

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.”


Then there are the ridiculous random things I have saved that have little meaning although this one is slightly ruined because my computer does not have the same fonts so the humor from each font I used has been lost for some.
Testing testing 123…. Hello!!!!! How is the printer working? What about this font? Or what about this? What about blackladder? Or curlz? Or gigi….. Kristen is a cool font too…. Papyrus is an awesome brand of clothes. And a cool font too. What about stencil? This is a cool one. I didn’t realize how cool it was… Snap! Wow! Shizam! Bam! Boom! Explosion! Fire! YAY! FIRE!!!!! I like fire… fire…. Oooh.. Ransom…. Wow. This is like that crazy newspaper stuff that bad guys use…. They could just use this creepy font and save some time cutting out letters. And then their DNA wouldn’t be on it. Unless they breathed on the paper they printed or something. Wow. Science is amazing. The next font is way creepier than this one. Although, that “x” and “,” were pretty weird. Okay next is…. Chiller….. ooh…. This is like a creepy Halloween font… goosebumps… or like in CSI when the creepy dudes write with blood on the wall. This kind of looks like that too… Okay, I had so change fonts because that last one was just strange and icky awesome!



Then there are the suuuuuper embarrassing things I find like when I compared my life to Twilight and how I was like Bella Swan


  1. AP Student
  2. From AZ
  3. Only child
  4. Likes burning hot heat of AZ
  5. Pale
  6. 17 years old
  7. Calls dad by first name
  8. Not a sports fan
  9. Doesn’t like cold or wet
  10. Mother remarried
  11. Knows she’s stupid for liking Edward but does so anyway
  12. Has a knack for hurting herself
  13. Thinks Edward is “Interesting… and brilliant… and mysterious…and perfect… and beautiful…”
  14. Has balance problems
  15. Doesn’t dance
Or how about when I was finally old enough to go to a dance at school and I panicked  because all the girls went crazy asking and I didn't want him to get asked before I had time to put something together so I tried coming up with a short first note to lead in to the real thing..
#4- The time has come for Winter Formal
And I just want a boy that’s normal

You’re kinda sweet that’s oh so true
And so I’ll bring a treat for you.
But you’ll have to wait a few days more
Because making it is such a chore

#5- Days come and days pass
I guess it’s now time to ask

Will you be my date for Winter Formal?
I will attempt to be semi-normal.

A sweet treat will come your way
But not until another day

The treat will hold a clue for you
And then you’ll know just what to do.

Cookies are good
Cookies are sweet
Cookies make an amazing treat

These cookies though are not so normal
These cookies are to ask you to Winter Formal

I made these cookies to show I care
But remember eating them will be a dare

When feasting on them you might be surprised
At the many things that are hidden inside

Always begin with our school color bright and true
That will definitely make things easier for you

And now at my end, I ask once more
Will you be my date, who I dance with on the floor?

I wish you good luck, I really do
I truly hope things go well for you

I'm slightly embarrassed that even as a senior in high school I was mentioning in notes to boys that I would try to be normal.....

Then of course more random stories-- 
Once upon a time in the land of Idolatrous Demeaning Arrogant Hallucinating Obsessiveness there lived many persons consumed by the evils of the world. However, also in the land of Idolatrous Demeaning Arrogant Hallucinating Obsessiveness (I.D.A.H.O.) was a strapping young man by the name of Rich Autistic Nerdy Defiant Aloof Loquacious Lard. This young man, who shall be spoken of as R.A.N.D.A.L.L. from now on, was a very troubled person. It seemed that everywhere he went he was followed by Giddy Idiotic Ranting Lonesome Saps (G.I.R.L.S.) and Dratty Rambunctious Attentive Murderous Airheadednous. (D.R.A.M.A.) Very misfortunate, I know.
I  always wanted to have the quality of being funny-- it never worked until I discovered this sarcastic humor of mine but apparently I found this joke funny back in the day and to tell the truth-- I still laughed again when I read it tonight.



How do you make a cat go 'woof'?

Soak it in petrol and set it on fire.

There are two more things I want to share but they are long enough that I'll post them separately. Hope you enjoyed the glimpse into my life.





Saturday, May 28, 2011

ADORABLE




a·dor·a·ble/əˈdôrəbəl/


Adjective: Inspiring great affection; delightful; charming.


That is a baby porcupine BTW.. Apparently someone finds it adorable. I just feel bad that such a mushy little thing already had 100 needles shoved out its back. 

I have favorite words and I'm kinda sorta hoping that other people do too but even if they don't I'll throw out the line I use all the time of "why would I ever want to be normal?" 

I like the words DREAM and LUCKY and SHAVED-ICE but one word that I've found especially interesting and pertinent in my life is ADORABLE. 

Why?

Well, it all started with a midnight text message while I was laying in a sleeping bag on the floor of my closet trying to get some sleep.. 
I asked a guy I am friends with what 1 word he would choose to describe me. Any guesses on what he said? 
We'll just assume you're right.
So that got me thinking... adorable.. different than "cute" thank goodness because "cute" is a horrible word. I tried to define it on my own and I came up with something along the lines of "attraction due to embarrassingly sweet childlike actions"
Adorable. 
Let's just say I was confused at being deemed adorable like unto a big nasty teddy bear or that "cute" little animal seen above.

Then it happened again. No I was not in my closet in a sleeping bag. I actually do sleep on my bed a fair amount of the time. This time it came from another guy who seemed to enjoy saying "you're adorable" to me. Gross not in a sappy way.. geez don't think that. In a way that he was teasing me but yet entirely sincere. 
And after a while I figured it out. When you see people's personalities... who they are and who they spend their life trying to be... and maybe even fall a little bit in love with them... they become adorable in your eyes. Kind of an encompassing emotion that can't really express your admiration and enjoyment of this person you deemed adorable. 

Adorable is a word that means a lot to me. 

And again.. shut up with the "OM that sounded so sappy" because really-- it's "awww... tender!" 
Which I love.