The things I hate.

Sometimes, I'm a hater. Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate life lots of the time but there are those few things that range from mildly irritating me to making me want to wrap up in a big blanket and eat a carton of Ben and Jerry's or an avalanche shaved ice while watching my favorite movie or the latest episode of Castle.
For instance:

1-I love romance [The feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love]. I love someone randomly kissing the person they adore simply because they were thinking about them and realized once again just how much they care. I love when someone cares enough to remember something important in your life or to give you something because it made them think about you. I love the simplest compliments that I've been given that I will remember for the rest of my life.

2-I love hair products-- shampoo especially. I love the different scents and ways they change the texture and appearance of my hair. I love how one little dab of liquid can make my entire day better. I have several bottles of different hair products... why? Because it is what makes me feel beautiful. Beautiful for me, not for anyone else. No one's really going to care what shampoo I chose for the day... its all for my own personal satisfaction.

3-I love rescuing bees out of pools and feeling them crawl across my hand. It's beautiful to see the difference such a small action on my part makes. I also love the feeling of their little tiny feet.

4-I love thick warm rain. One of my absolute favorite feelings in the world is being out in a pouring rainstorm in the middle of the summer. There's this feeling of claustrophobia where everything is pressing down on you and you can't breathe but there's also the idea that its just you and the rain and for a few seconds, nothing else matters.

5-I love driving without limits. Without speed limits. Without time limits. Without personal limits. I love that it allows me to let go of the pain building up inside of me. Sadly though, due to laws, gas prices, and time limits... I usually just run around the track at Westwood until I'm too exhausted to hurt.

6-I love citrus blossoms. I love enjoying their wonderful scent especially at ASU when the smell in the air is often something quite different. For me they are a thing of renewal and joy that affect me in a way not many things do.

7-I love water, especially the ocean and everything associated with it. I love the way water recycles and is such a major part of everything. I love ships and ocean life and studying the tiny shells and rocks that make up the sand on beautiful beaches.

8-I love music in a way that I can't even describe. I love closing my eyes and separating each part of a complicated melody while analyzing it in a million ways. It is something beautiful that envelops emotions and passions and heartaches and joys...

9-I love my projects whether they are physical things I can see or people I have affected. I love restoring something that has been destroyed and building a masterpiece that is everything I imagined in my mind. That's what my house is-- my imagination (with limitations of course) put into action.

10-I love my friends. My friends matter to me more than anything else. They make me who I am and give me reason to become who I want to be. They inspire my dreams and ease my pains. They have the answers and set the example when I am so severely falling behind and still love me through those shortcomings.

There is so much that I love.... and yet there are still the things I don't...

I can't stand frayed edges of papers torn out of notebooks. I get irritated at smokers who have a lit cigarette but aren't actually smoking thereby subjecting me to their nasty habit without any benefit for themselves. I shiver over long fingernails and the sound of popping joints. I can't understand why some streets don't line up straight or why Riverview shopping center has such a disorganized layout. I'm picky about who is in my room because it is my haven from parts of my life. It irritates me when people complain about things that are not going to get any better by complaining which sadly enough is something I know I do far too much because I like the attention. I don't like the phrases "Ya know?" "How are you?" and "Whatever makes you happy." because they have no real meaning and show a lack of personal concern or effort which is so much of what our world has turned in to these days.

But today-- what do I hate most? I hate when there is someone I dislike for irrational reasons and I have to pretend that I like them and be okay with it. This scenario in my mind sounds something like this... "You stupid cow why are you so disgustingly nice and are now ruining my hopes and dreams? Oh hi! So nice to meet you I would love to high five you because we have something in common but really I just want to run away before I break down entirely. thanks."

Sometimes... I just need to vent. Need to let out the frustrations and the hurt and spill out my soul even if no one will even understand what I'm writing because it is all entirely in code. But somehow it works. And now I feel better. Goodnight.