Sidestepping Love

During the middle of my busy summer I had a couple hours free on a Saturday and went with a few friends to see Brave at the theater. My complete exhaustion became apparent when I started bawling the moment I was afraid the mom wasn't going to turn back into her human form. If you haven't seen the movie (spoiler alert!), the mom and daughter don't get along and the mom gets turned into a bear. During this time the daughter and mother are able to work through their frustrations with each other and develop a close relationship. 

I really liked this idea of unintentionally developing a love for each other. When they were both human, this love was forced but by creating a situation in which they had to depend on each other in a world separate from their normal lives, this bond developed naturally. 

It isn't every day that someone in your life turns into a bear but there are relationships that build in this way all the time. For me this past summer, I was able to develop very close relationships with a few guys because we worked together as co-counselors at EFY. Our jobs worked as a distraction, taking away developing a relationship as a main objective and allowing the agenda it provided to be our focus while that love and relationship naturally grew on the side. 

It's totally the same thing as hanging out with your bear mom.

I copied down a line I liked off of HIMYM a few months back onto this post:

"Friendship is an involuntary reflex. It just happens. You can't help it."

I like that idea.. that when you're not trying to force something, especially something as important as friendship, it develops naturally and beautifully. 

I also like the twist I added to this post today while looking for an image to go with it---

We can love by learning to see someone perfectly instead of only looking for perfection in the first place. I'm far from perfect and that's why I need others to take the time to see my imperfect self perfectly and love me for that.

As I assess this concept in my own life I am able to add my own amen! to it validity. There are a couple people who I tried to force a loving relationship with which ended in failure. Once those alternative activities entered our relationship I was suddenly able to work by them side-by-side as a friend and learn to love them so much deeper than I could before. 

Whether it's your mom or a co-counselor or one of your closest friends that you never knew you could love so much, it's a great way to develop that relationship with them. 

Goodbye.suffocation.Hello.life

I just wanted to update everyone on some big news-- I'm moving to Ningbo, CHINA in February!

I'll be there until June teaching English during the week and traveling on the weekends with a company called International Language Programs (ILP).

Let me explain a little bit concerning how I got to this point. This trip is something I've had on my mind for the past couple years but never felt like it was the right time to disappear from my life here for 4 months. I was going to school and had always been determined to finish my bachelor's degree in 4 years even though I switched majors half-way through. And I did it. I completed my honors thesis in April and then finished my last class at the beginning of the summer. My entire life I intended on serving an 18-month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints after I graduated from ASU. My senior year I started dating the guy who changed that life plan. Things didn't work out and once again I became committed to the idea of serving a mission. However, before I did so I decided to go ahead and spend one more summer working for the Especially For Youth (EFY) program. During the summer my plans of going on a mission felt less certain and I felt impressed that I needed to be home for this Fall semester. I didn't know why but it was something I needed to do so I came back home from the summer with no real plans for my life. I didn't feel like I should be putting in mission papers. I didn't want a geology-related job that I'd just spent 4 years in college working towards. I just knew I was supposed to be home. My answer as to why came much quicker than I had expected and our dating relationship began effortlessly. That however, also fell through so once again I have reached the crossroads at my life with no one but myself to tell me where to go. In my mind, I have nothing keeping me at home anymore. That's how I got here.

The why of this trip is another matter entirely. I started this post with the intention of writing about my love for traveling and experiencing new cultures and people and adventures. How I crave being outdoors and being part of something new and beautiful. And that's a big part of the why of this trip. The trips I've been on, especially the ones where I felt I really got a glimpse into the culture and people, are some of the most rewarding moments of my life. However, if I'm going to be completely honest, the other half of the reason I'm leaving is because I'm running away. I'm scared of my life and who I am. I'm scared of facing reality. And I'm lost. I realize that disappearing for 5 months won't solve anything but it will give me a chance to separate myself from most of it and get a new start. It will be a time for me to learn and grow and figure out a plan for my life while experiencing and enjoying and giving to my new life in China.

I can't even express how excited I am to jump into something so completely different and new, especially for such a long period of time. I can hardly wait to see how far I can push myself in anticipation for incredible results. I plan on keeping regular updates about my life on this blog, just as I did when I went to the U.K., in order that those who love me may share in my experience and growth.