For most of my
life I thought I understood what it meant to be alone.
I believed being alone meant increased
productivity, quiet evenings reading a good book, and nap time, any time. And I
loved being alone.
Spending most of the past few years alone,
I've slowly come to recognize that a large part of the anxiety I feel in my
life is originating from the same thing I've always attributed to happiness.
I now realize that being alone is a
two-sided card.
Paul Tillich
explains this well stating,
What creates this
difference?
It’s the depth of
relationships we have with those around us.
While we are
physically separated to be alone, our levels of emotional connection with
others is what dictates whether being alone results in a feeling of solitude or
loneliness.
Those with deeper
relationships are more likely to feel the joy of solitude when they’re alone
because of the security that comes with knowing they have people in their lives
who they consider close companions.
Those lacking
deeper relationships are more likely to feel the pain of loneliness when they’re
alone because there’s not someone to provide the security that you are not just
a line in a notebook of sketches.
In fact, most of
the time loneliness doesn’t require being physically alone. Seeing our
separation from others while we’re with them often cuts much deeper than
thinking on it later.
Let’s take this
one step further—Have you ever asked yourself when being alone changed from the
joy of solitude to the pain of loneliness?
I have.
And here’s my answer:
My perception of
people changed and, more importantly, I changed.
The older I get,
the more I understand exactly who I am and what I want. I’m no longer satisfied
with a casual social life. I see the people around me more clearly—both their good
attributes, but also their flaws. Through all of that, I’ve become less willing
to settle for anything surficial and/or artificial. I want something deep and
personal but my heightened awareness has make that difficult to come by.
My reasons are
some among many that create this void called loneliness.
So what do we do
about it?
The first step is
to realize that God is always there to fill that space.
He loves us and
knows us deeper than any person on this earth ever could.
As we accept His
love our void of loneliness is filled.
Now, this doesn’t
mean that we don’t need to have deep relationships with other people, we do.
However, our relationship with God will provide the nourishment we need every
moment of every day as He guides us to additional sources of connection and
love.
The best way to
find love,
to fill our
voids,
to be whole,
is to find God.
