Sex Trade

Before you get too distracted by the title of this post or the picture, let me teach you a little bit about your body.

cortex: the outside of the brain responsible for logic function

limbic system: part of the brain known as the "emotional brain"
These two parts of your brain banter back and forth between logic and emotions-- occasionally resulting in confusion and ridiculous choices.

Your body produces a chemical called dopamine which is highest just before a pleasurable experience.

Here are a few examples:

Thanksgiving dinner-- just before that delicious food enters your mouth.

Gambling-- just before you pull the handle on the slot machine.

First kiss-- just before that sexy person's lips (or not so sexy) touches yours.

Christmas Eve-- just before you get to open all of those presents in the morning!

Malibu at California Adventure-- just before that big drop while you're hanging in the air

These are moments of intense anticipation when your body is getting all psyched out for a party.

When an individual participates in extreme experiences, the dopamine gates in your body are flooded. Once this happens, a new standard is set and our bodies want to reach that point again.

Your body also produces a hormone known as oxytocin which is responsible for creating a bond between two people.

Some moments that this hormone is released is when a mother gives birth or when a couple falls in love.

Ok ok ok so this is all cool and everything but Amanda, you're no doctor so why do you care?

[Yes.. I talk about myself in 3rd person.]

Well, there is a point in life when you're mature enough to actually handle all of these crazy things your body does. You need to wait to be serious in a relationship until an age at which the amounts of oxytocin and dopamine can be handled and your neuropathways are developed enough for you to make the best logical decisions rather than letting your limbic system (emotions!!) go all psycho on you.

There's a balance between logic and emotions that your body needs in order to keep you on a good path relationship-wise. If you're jumping into the physical side of a relationship too fast you might lose logic along the way. 

"As you are aware, kissing is more stimulating than satisfying; consequently, it invites more and more." -Bruce Monson, New Era June 2001

People always ask me: why wait physically? When you start jumping into a relationship physically it starts a stopwatch. Your body is expecting you to wind up at the end of the road-- intimately.

That's just how it works. 

It's not a bad thing-- your body has dopamine to heighten and encourage those experiences along with oxytocin to lock them all in but unless you're planning on reaching the end of the road you might want to watch how fast you're walking.

Here's a simple way to monitor your walking speed:

1: Acquaintances -----> Handshake

2: Friendship ----------> High five

3: Casual Dating -----> Brief hugs & flirtations

4: Serious Dating ----> Holding hands & kissing

5: Engagement -------> Lingering kisses

6: Marriage -----------> Intimacy (sex!)

These six levels of relationships should correspond to the six levels of physical actions. It makes sense that if you don't know someone well that you would simply shake hands with them, not make-out with them (NCMO!) or have a little sex fling. The opposite is also true-- how awkward would it be to only high-five your spouse?

Point is.. keep your lines horizontal. The further the tilt (ex: acquaintances --> intimacy), the more awkward and painful the situation is going to become.

Why do these lines become tilted? A few different reasons.. lack of communication, unresolved conflicts, and the one I actually want to talk about--

Boys use love to get sex and girls use sex to get love.

I'm not saying this is always true (it's not!) but more often than not this is the case. 

We see it all the time-- boys spend money on girls and plan special dates and tell them how beautiful they are to get some. 

[Not always-- hopefully they're doing it because they love the girl.. BUT..]

It's often an expectation that if you put forth the effort to make a girl feel like she is loved that you will in return be rewarded physically.

On the opposite side of the story, girls will kiss a guy and have sex with him to keep him around because she so desperately needs to feel loved.

So how do you break this balance of love for sex and sex for love?

You don't make it an option.

Often when this is happening you hear the phrase, "But I just can't help it."

NO! You can help it. You set in your mind what is an option and what is not. 

If you're open to the idea of not only playing this love/sex game but even falling in love before you are ready maturity-wise, it is going to happen because your mind okayed it. 

If you don't want those things to happen, then close your mind to that idea and stay away. Simple as that.

Point of this post-- there is a right time for everything.

When the timing and order is wrong it will inevitably lead to awkward confusion and heartache.

When the timing and order is right, fireworks.

It's like drinking orange juice.. 

A glass of orange juice is delicious in the morning with a nice minty brushing of the teeth afterwards.

But how good does orange juice taste after brushing your teeth?

Not so lovely anymore even though it is still the same orange juice as before.

Time and order people.. do it right.

Keep your lines horizontal.