Last week one of the classes I attended was on the topic of love. It was such a good lesson that I attended it twice, just so I could make sure I had it all written down.
The speaker was a man who loves Lord of the Rings and video games but more than anything loves his wife:
"She swept me off my feet when we met and 12 years later they still haven't touched the ground."
Way to start off the lesson with every girl (and maybe the boys too) already swooning.
This blog post will incorporate a large part of his lesson with my own added comments and ideas.
The first part of the lesson asked that you finish the phrase below 3 different ways--
"I love..."
Well, let's see.. I love my friends because they are the reason I wake up in the morning smiling and are the motivation behind many of my best choices. I love shaved ice on a hot day (or cold!) and how its sweet heavenly flavor melts in my mouth. I love the way a close male friend feels cuddled next to me on the couch after a long day-- radiating heat and love. I love walking on the beach and feeling the cold water on my feet and the hot sun on my skin.
Point being-- the term 'love' describes a lot of different things.
So... what does love mean?
Here are some responses answering that question according to kids:
Love is:
-what makes you smile even when you're tired.-when grandma got arthritis and couldn't bend over anymore so grandpa paints her toes for her, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
-when someone says your name different. You know your name is safe in their mouth.
-when a boy puts on cologne and a girl puts on perfume and they go out and just smell each other.
-when your puppy licks your face even if you left it alone all day.
-when you tell a guy you like his shirt and he wears it everyday.
-something you shouldn't say unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. Sometimes people forget.
Love is a lot of different things. I love both my friends and shaved ice but do I love them the same way? Of course not. Is loving my boyfriend the same feeling as walking on the beach? No way. The meaning/definition of love just might be the most packed word in the english language. Luckily, the Greek language splits it up for us.
There are three Greek words meaning love: PHILIO, EROS, and AGAPE.
Forgive my handwritten notes and appreciate the magic as these three types of love fit so perfectly together.
PHILIO: "brotherly love"
You might recognize this term from the city Philadelphia meaning 'city of brotherly love.'
Notice on the graph that this relationship builds rather quickly and steadily before leveling off at a constant level for a long period of time.
Notice on the graph that this relationship builds rather quickly and steadily before leveling off at a constant level for a long period of time.
This brotherly love is a Frodo & Sam or Hans Solo & Chewbacca love.
It's a deep friendship and/or allies.
This relationship includes the people you get in trouble with and always want to spend time with.
Philio has two sides-- self-less vs. self-centered
Fezzik and Inigo Montoya display a very simple, pure, and selfless philio love whereas Voldemort's relationship with his Death Eaters is self-centered as seen when he uses them for his own gain.
-Be the kind of friend you'd like to have
We only have the power to change ourselves. Make yourself into the kind of person that you wish to see in the rest of the world.
-Have courage to expand your circle
There's a lot to be overlooked with you're not willing to look in the first place. As you open your mind to the idea of new people and ideas in your life you will have a better relationship and love for what you have now.
-Help others to Christ, but accept them wherever they are.
Far too often in religions, or any group really, there's a focus put on us vs. them. If we are willing to take the time to love everyone, we will be able to see that they're not just as different from ourselves as we thought.
"There are two types of people-- the ones you love and the ones you don't know."
EROS: "romantic love"
The graph of this love takes off rapidly- forming the 'falling in love' stage before it peaks and quickly begins to drop. This fall from an initial euphoria brings you to the 'decision point' where you must decide whether to stay with this person and commit or to walk away. Am I really going to stick with this person or is this relationship over? Are you committed to the sparks or the relationship? If the decision to commit it chosen, the love in the relationship begins to build quickly once more before it eventually beings declining in slope.
An 'eros' love is a Wesley and Buttercup kind of love-- the kind of love we swoon over in movies and dream about both night and day. These are the people you want to fall asleep next to and wake up with in the morning no matter how ridiculous they may look.
This love too has both self-less and self-centered sides.
The couple from Up are a fantastic example of self-less love whereas Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother is, for the most part, self-centered as he focuses on satisfying his sex drive.
'Eros' love should be uplifting, ennobling, enriching, wonderful, and all about union.
What it really comes down to is maturity and commitment-- emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
About every five years we become a different person. It is a transition over time but let's face it-- the person you celebrate your 20th anniversary with isn't the same person you married. Your maturity and commitment for the relationship are main factors in determining how well your relationship will work and where it will end up.
The teacher of the class this material originates from said, "The beginning of a romantic relationship does not have the same ingredients as the end of a romantic relationship."
We have to be diligent in consistently learning and adapting.
2 Things to Remember About Eros:
-The 2 Week Love Test
Oh how I love this idea. If you're in an 'eros' relationship, spend two weeks with no physical contact from your significant other. If you survive the 2 weeks and still like each other and have something to talk about-- things are looking pretty good. If not, move on sister.
-"Respect" means "Restraint"
In case you're not aware of this, there are a lot of girls in this world use sex to get love and boys use love to get sex. This practice has warped our perception of what signs of love really are. If you really love someone, you respect them and thereby use restraint in your actions. The best relationship I've been in was one of personal restraint which was one way I realized and knew just how much I cared.
AGAPE: "sacrificial love" or charity
The graph for this type of love is a perfect line. It is consistently maxed out. This love is pure in every form, creating reasoning behind what may seem irrational decisions.
Two examples portraying this love are Lily Potter as she sacrifices her life for her son, Harry and Katniss Everdeen as she volunteers as tribute in place of her younger sister.
These examples of sacrificial love, which contradict our natural instinct to survive, demonstrate that if you love someone with 'agape' you're willing to do anything for them.
And, of course, the perfect example of agape-- Jesus Christ.
Who could better sacrifice themselves for us and have such a perfect love?
No one.
1 Thing to Remember About Agape:-Christ showed it by dying for us. We show it by living for Him.
This video is a slideshow of a photography collection called Reflections of Christ. It's a little bit long but I HIGHLY recommend you watch it.
Here's a graph of the three types of love combined-- just so you can compare.
Now that we've gone over these three loves, let's put some roles on this venn diagram:
I feel like these roles are pretty much self explanatory except for the star in the middle.
What role should that person be in our lives?
Who should love us with a brotherly love, a romantic love, and a sacrificial love?
Our spouse.
Yes, this is what our world calls 'true love'-- a combination of these three wonderful loves, creating something beautiful.
I hope you learned a little bit more about love and can see it in a different light.
love
Love
LOVE
LOVE LOVE LOVE
<3
Brilliantly done, I rather enjoyed that. It was fascinating to see the graphs put all together.
ReplyDeleteAn interesting note/question. Does each person have their own set of graphs? If so there are actually two sets of graphs to work with and it takes that much more care and sacrifice, work, fun, play, and time to make sure the graphs are moving in positive directions. I like that idea for some reason. It gives each person a way to look at the relationship and ask important questions/ see the good.
Or do the graphs represent both people at a time and the progress made or lost depend on both people? That is a fun way to look at it too. It specifies less on the individual and the two as a pair. Harder to see one individual but isn't that the point, often? Pros and cons to both sides. Is there a right way to look at it? or perhaps are either of those wrong?
Good observation.. I think it could go either way. In my opinion there's no right or wrong here. I wrote a post a while ago that you may have or have not read that I think goes along with this topic. Instead of graphs showing love vs. time, you have the same idea with these things shown in wavelengths plotted on graphs. Here's the link:
ReplyDeletehttp://mannadarlin.blogspot.com/2012/01/same-wavelength.html