My fabulous humor and personality

 In order to avoid going to sleep this evening I began randomly going through old documents saved on my laptop and I have copied snippets from several for your reading pleasure. Its interesting to see how people change over time and what they used to find interesting and what better way to see this transition than through writing?

I used to be this boy crazy girl who had lists made in young womens of what kind of guy I wanted to marry some day. Ya know, the typical... "priesthood holder, tall dark and handsome, good job, funny..." And I still want those things but it's interesting to see how my focus has changed and how due to experiences over time I've found more detailed and practical things to look for. I feel like it is much to personal to post the list I made but here's a text I sent a friend about 8 months ago sharing what I was looking for:

"I want to marry someone who the only thing they love more than me is the lord. Someone who will appreciate my rude attitude and humor. Someone who keeps me in line and who I have to keep up with instead of dragging them behind me.”

And to this day.. thats still what I look for although even now I've reached a entirely new level of understanding. It's amazing how things change. 

I also used to spend hours and hours and hours on F My Life and My Life Is Average. Here are a few of my favorites I copied and saved: 

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

Last week a friend and I were driving around and she decided to rate the guys we saw from 1-10. A really cute guy pulled up next to us and she points at him and screams "HE'S AN 8!" He looked at her and replied,"Your window's down sweetie. And you're a 7." And drove off. MLIA

Today my stomach growled really loudly. Four people checked their phones. MLIA

Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML

A couple years ago I made a list of things I wanted to do before I got married and became too busy:

1. Learn to ride a motorcycle

2. Hike the Grand Canyon (again)

3. Hike the Narrows/Subway (Zion's National Park)

4. Sew a fancy dress

5. Learn to play the guitar (I have one but have not learned much)

6. Backpack to Rock Lake (~2 hour drive +3-4 hour horseback ride. And that's just from the nearest little city in Colorado)

7. Go sailing

8. Attend a concert (I'm talking rock-and-roll... not Clay Aiken and InsideOut)

9. See Redwood forest (Didn't have time for that on my visit to SanFran)

10. Run a 5K (lol because I love running so much, right?)

11. Sleep outside in a public area (ex: park)

12. Learn how to use a photoshop program

13. Accomplish a convincing emo look

14. Finish a Rubix cube.   --DONE (although I'm not sure it counts)

15. Paint a picture

16. Sleep in a swimming pool

17. Pull an all-nighter

18. Learn to skateboard   --DONE

Then I also have random lists... like my pet peeves of pages torn out of spiral notebooks and people holding cigarettes but not actually smoking them, people who complain about things when there's no point in doing so (like I often do), streets that don't line up straight.... Or my favorite things--holding hands at church, stolen kisses, shampoo, bees crawling on my hand, thick warm rain, driving freely... Weird things about me like how I rarely drink an entire glass of liquid. I hate drinking the last inch because it grosses me out... especially if its a drink I'm sharing with other people. In my mind that's where all the backwash and nasties condense so I usually just keep the same glass and keep filling it up although only drinking part of it each time. I also have this weird obsession with the time 8:14. 14 is my favorite number and when my bedtime was 8pm I used to lay in bed and stare at the clock while the time read 8:14 and then I'd go to sleep. I also had listed phrases I dislike-- "Ya know?"(this phrase has absolutely no meaning and is often used as an afterthought similar to the word "um") "How are you?"(People use this so often as a passing by conversation. Half the time no one ever answers and if they do it's almost always answered with "fine or good." TOTALLY pointless because very few actually give a CheezIt how you are.) "Whatever makes you happy." (HATE this phrase. If you want to make me happy then figure it out yourself and don't throw that phrase in so I feel like you're simply catering to my wants at your own cost.)

I made a list of "you know you're a nerd if..." -> the best form of entertainment is competing to see who can push buttons on the calculator faster.

I also saved quotes I liked--

 You know when you listen to music playing from another room? And you're singing along because it's a tune that you really love? When a door closes or a train passes by so you can't hear the music anymore, but you sing along anyway...then, no matter how much time passes, when you hear the music again, you're still in the exact same time with it. That's what love is like." Anonymous

This one originated in reference to a guy who liked me who did not always shave and I was told that smoothies are much better than boys -"Nothing prickles you when you drink a smoothie." ~Stephannie

Or how about this one-- after we sang for a ballet in Phoenix we decided to go looking for the infamous Van Buren prostitutes -> "So how far are we going to drive down Van Buren? Until we see a prostitute? "~Kailie

"YESSSSS!!!!!"~Allison

We never found them.

“Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly”

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."

“The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.”

Then there are the ridiculous random things I have saved that have little meaning although this one is slightly ruined because my computer does not have the same fonts so the humor from each font I used has been lost for some.

Testing testing 123…. Hello!!!!! How is the printer working? What about this font? Or what about this? What about blackladder? Or curlz? Or gigi….. Kristen is a cool font too…. Papyrus is an awesome brand of clothes. And a cool font too. What about stencil? This is a cool one. I didn’t realize how cool it was… Snap! Wow! Shizam! Bam! Boom! Explosion! Fire! YAY! FIRE!!!!! I like fire… fire…. Oooh.. Ransom…. Wow. This is like that crazy newspaper stuff that bad guys use…. They could just use this creepy font and save some time cutting out letters. And then their DNA wouldn’t be on it. Unless they breathed on the paper they printed or something. Wow. Science is amazing. The next font is way creepier than this one. Although, that “x” and “,” were pretty weird. Okay next is…. Chiller….. ooh…. This is like a creepy Halloween font… goosebumps… or like in CSI when the creepy dudes write with blood on the wall. This kind of looks like that too… Okay, I had so change fonts because that last one was just strange and icky awesome!

Then there are the suuuuuper embarrassing things I find like when I compared my life to Twilight and how I was like Bella Swan

1. AP Student
2. From AZ
3. Only child
4. Likes burning hot heat of AZ
5. Pale
6. 17 years old
7. Calls dad by first name
8. Not a sports fan
9. Doesn’t like cold or wet
10. Mother remarried
11. Knows she’s stupid for liking Edward but does so anyway
12. Has a knack for hurting herself
13. Thinks Edward is “Interesting… and brilliant… and mysterious…and perfect… and beautiful…”
14. Has balance problems
15. Doesn’t dance

Or how about when I was finally old enough to go to a dance at school and I panicked  because all the girls went crazy asking and I didn't want him to get asked before I had time to put something together so I tried coming up with a short first note to lead in to the real thing..

#4- The time has come for Winter Formal

And I just want a boy that’s normal

You’re kinda sweet that’s oh so true

And so I’ll bring a treat for you.

But you’ll have to wait a few days more

Because making it is such a chore

#5- Days come and days pass

I guess it’s now time to ask

Will you be my date for Winter Formal?

I will attempt to be semi-normal.

A sweet treat will come your way

But not until another day

The treat will hold a clue for you

And then you’ll know just what to do.

Cookies are good

Cookies are sweet

Cookies make an amazing treat

These cookies though are not so normal

These cookies are to ask you to Winter Formal

I made these cookies to show I care

But remember eating them will be a dare

When feasting on them you might be surprised

At the many things that are hidden inside

Always begin with our school color bright and true

That will definitely make things easier for you

And now at my end, I ask once more

Will you be my date, who I dance with on the floor?

I wish you good luck, I really do

I truly hope things go well for you

I'm slightly embarrassed that even as a senior in high school I was mentioning in notes to boys that I would try to be normal.....

Then of course more random stories-- 

Once upon a time in the land of Idolatrous Demeaning Arrogant Hallucinating Obsessiveness there lived many persons consumed by the evils of the world. However, also in the land of Idolatrous Demeaning Arrogant Hallucinating Obsessiveness (I.D.A.H.O.) was a strapping young man by the name of Rich Autistic Nerdy Defiant Aloof Loquacious Lard. This young man, who shall be spoken of as R.A.N.D.A.L.L. from now on, was a very troubled person. It seemed that everywhere he went he was followed by Giddy Idiotic Ranting Lonesome Saps (G.I.R.L.S.) and Dratty Rambunctious Attentive Murderous Airheadednous. (D.R.A.M.A.) Very misfortunate, I know.

I  always wanted to have the quality of being funny-- it never worked until I discovered this sarcastic humor of mine but apparently I found this joke funny back in the day and to tell the truth-- I still laughed again when I read it tonight.

How do you make a cat go 'woof'?

Soak it in petrol and set it on fire.

There are two more things I want to share but they are long enough that I'll post them separately. Hope you enjoyed the glimpse into my life.