Talk To Me

Working my summers with teenagers I have many opportunities to not only learn about them through observation and what they say, but also many opportunities to share my own opinions and thoughts with them. A few days ago my kids surrounded me and my co-counselor at dinner and demanded information about relationships. One of their questions was what are some of the big things you shouldn't do on a date? My mind automatically jumped to talking about yourself too much but I didn't want to say that because there are times when I really enjoy just sitting and listening to someone tell me about themselves for longer than is socially acceptable or normally appreciated. I heard one of my kids say cell phone and instantly I knew that was one of the things on my top five list that a guy should never do on a date. [Disclaimer: I don't mind if you answer a quick phone call from your mom or have to text someone back but just let me or whomever you're with know what you're doing and make it a one time thing for the day.]

I do not like cell phones when I'm with other people.

I think they're fantastically convenient and I enjoy talking on the phone to certain people or texting or playing a game for ten minutes now that I've figured out how to put games on my phone :) BUT if you are with me there is nothing that will push my patience faster than having your phone out.

I was raised in a home where gum was rare and if you were playing with it by pulling it out of your mouth it went in the trash. Singing was not allowed at the dinner table. Ever. Small bites of food were constantly encouraged and enforced even if my parents didn't follow that rule. “May I be excused?” was fairly common request upon finishing your meal. I was raised to have proper etiquette even if I didn't want to act like a lady. A main principle of etiquette is respect and as a child I learned that very well.

The biggest rule at my house was that if somebody was over visiting or in your company, distractions went away in order than you may give the person your undivided attention. Gameboy? Never to be played in front of other people. Headphones? Don't even think about it. Cell phone? Not to be used as a replacement for the here and now interactions.

These distractions are becoming so prevalent in our lives. Cell phones. Games. Laptops. Music. . . . . . My biggest distraction in my laptop. I'm so used to being on it all the time for online classes and checking email and Facebook and writing blog posts and working on my thesis website that it has become a second nature addiction.

For other people their biggest distraction is their cell phone. I was super tired and grumpy one night this week and when meeting with my co-counselors, two of them had their phones out instead of talking to me so I simply walked up to them and pressed the button to turn the screen off. It's not that these were bad people-- quite the opposite. They're two of the most incredible men I've met. I just didn't like being less important than a post on Instagram.

We need to talk to people. Face to face. We need that personal interaction and it is becoming obsolete. We need to be aware that the person in front of you is much more important than anything you could possibly be doing on your phone in that moment.

And the kids agree. One of the weeks at EFY our session directors had the kids all submit a slip of paper answering a couple questions. One of the questions was, “What do you wish you could tell someone of the opposite sex?” Here are the top ten answers that boys wish they could tell girls:

10- When we compliment you don't make us feel stupid.

9- Guys are not mind readers

8- Be yourself. Be real.

7- Smile more. It gives us confidence.

6- Talk to us when we try. Its hard.

5- You send mixed signals.

4- Be friendly to all of us-- not just the popular ones.

3- “We're stupid. Give us another chance.”

2- You are beautiful! And you don't know it.

1- Immodesty harms us more than you know.

I don't know all of the things on the list of what girls want to tell boys but talking to each other was on that list too. How interesting is it that out of everything these kids want from each other they simply just want to talk?

Social skills are deteriorating as our world switches from face to face conversations to Facebook posts and hashtags on Twitter and pictures on Instagram and text messages on cell phones.

Talk. Just talk.