Since when?

I've had this quote/draft sitting around for quite a while now and found it perfect for tonight.

It's depressing, especially for Valentine's Day so if you're still all twitterpated this is bound to bring you down.

Let me start off by saying I don't really hate Valentine's Day. I think it's nice that there's a special day each year that people put a little bit extra effort into showing the ones that they love just how much they care.

What I don't like about it is how serious it is. It's not so bad if you're already married but for anyone in any sort of relationship stage leading up to marriage it seems to push for a DTR and put unnecessary stress on the situation. I don't like how commercialized it is with the demand to buy flowers and chocolate and giant teddy bears that no one knows what to do with. I don't like the competition for being more romantic than someone else or the year before.

It should just be simple.

And it's often not.

This post isn't about Valentine's Day at all. I just wanted to say my little bit on it and my news feed on Facebook is already far too full of Valentine's Day haters and lovers. 

Here's the quote I mentioned at the beginning: 

"According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years too late; that star is dead, just like your dreams."

I love this quote. It's not that I love the meaning, its more that I love how it is so perfectly destructive of any happy thoughts and hopes I've ever had for the future. 

Sometimes when I am bitter at my life and the world I want to take on this view of reality and see the stone cold dark side of the truth.

Luckily, I'm a dreamer so no matter how bad things get, no matter how many times someone breaks my heart, no matter how many endless dead-ends (lol) my dreams reach, I still rebound to the positive and won't give up hope.

It's a good thing, most of the time.

But what do you do when you have that positive view, when everything is going right and wonderful and perfect and then you find out that it's all a lie because that star you wished on-- yeah, it died a few million years ago.

?

And now we get to what I actually want to write about:

What can you do to best ensure that the person you're marrying will still be the same person you married X amount of time later?

I understand that people change.. that 20 years later you're married to someone different than the person you said "I do" to. That happens and it's necessary for the two of you to adapt as your relationship and lives change over time.

I get that, it's normal.

BUT what about 1 year after you marry them? Or 1 month? Or 1 week?

What do you do then when you discover that the person you married is not the person you thought they were at all?

Simple solution you say-- date longer. Get to know them better.

Well how long is long enough? 

6 months?

A year?

2 years?

5?

At what amount of time spent getting to know someone can you say you really know them and have the assurance that you're marrying the person you think you are?

You can't answer that.

Some of you may think I'm exaggerating a little bit with this--thinking that people don't just change personalities that fast, especially in a week. No way. Doesn't happen.

But it does! I grew up in homes watching that happen with my parents. I've watched it destroy friends who thought 1.5 years of dating was enough only to discover after marriage the numerous amount of addictions that plagued their spouse.

Oh you're an alcoholic and smoke weed? 

Since when?

You're emotionally and physically abusive?

Since when?

So what do you do?

You spend more time dating, more time with their family, widen your variety of activities, make sure to not brush off the little things that could be indicators of bigger problems, pray... 

As far as I see it, you can do your very best to wisely prepare and educate yourself but in the end it requires that leap of trust and faith that it will work out.

No wonder people are scared of marriage.

I've been asking myself the past week-- am I guilty of this change? 

I think the answer is yes.

How long does it take for someone to really get to know me?

What can I do to be honest about everything I am?

I know I have this part of me that's a huge jerk but the people who know that about me are the ones I care about enough to show who I can be in my worse moments because I trust that they'll still love me anyways.

This blog is all over the place. I apologize.

I'm terrified that after all I can do, I may still fail.

I may never know what a lazy, angry, manipulative person I've married until I seal the deal.

On the other hand, I might have the great fortune of marrying someone who really is as incredible after marriage as he was before.

But how do you tell?

I don't know.