Daddy Dear

I have daddy issues. Anyone who cares enough to listen has heard bits and pieces about that part of my life; I've never made a point of hiding it. My parents were separated before my first birthday and I grew up in a single-parent home where my dad's appearance only seemed to create conflict. Every other Saturday I got spoiled with money-- movies, McDonalds, the circus, Gameworks, Golfland, Diamondbacks games, State Fair... that's who my dad was in my life and that's all he has ever really been. It took me years to learn how to forgive him for all that I felt I missed out on and all the hurt I went through because of him.

It probably goes without saying that out of all the dreams I've had for my life I always wished I had a real dad. You know, the one that you run up to for a hug when he gets home from work every day. The dad that teaches you how to play baseball and build random projects in the garage. The dad who you go to for advice when you need someone to confide in. The dad who meets all your boyfriends and then one day lets one of them marry you. The dad who dances with you at your wedding and loves you more than the entire world. That's what I have always wanted. 

I always without fail get teary-eyed at weddings, watching the bride dance with her dad. I also really love the song Butterfly Kisses but that too provokes another wave of emotion.

 Here's the thing.. this post is not about my failed relationship with my father. 

As far as I'm concerned, that's a thing of the past.

Even though I didn't have the best experience with my own father, I have the dream that my own husband and the men around me can be better examples than I had in my own life.

Back in October 2011 there was a talk given in General Conference by Elaine S. Dalton titled "Love Her Mother." I can't even begin to tell you how moved I was by this talk. I've gone back multiple times since then and read/listened to it over again. 

Sister Dalton begins by asking the question, "How can a father raise a happy, well-adjusted daughter in today’s increasingly toxic world?"

Here are my favorite parts to her answer:

"The most important thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother. By the way you love her mother you will teach your daughter about tenderness, loyalty, respect, compassion, and devotion. She will learn from your example what to expect from young men and what qualities to seek in a future spouse. You can show your daughter by the way you love and honor your wife that she should never settle for less. Your example will teach your daughter to value womanhood. You are showing her that she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father, who loves her.
"You are your daughter’s guardian in more than the legal sense. Be present in your daughter’s life. Let her know your standards, your expectations, your hopes and dreams for her success and happiness. Interview her, get to know her friends and, when the time comes, her boyfriends. Help her understand the importance of education. Help her understand that the principle of modesty is a protection. Help her choose music and media that invite the Spirit and are consistent with her divine identity. Be an active part of her life.
"Fathers, you are your daughter’s hero. My father was my hero. I used to wait on the steps of our home for him to arrive each night. He would pick me up and twirl me around and let me put my feet on top of his big shoes, and then he would dance me into the house. I loved the challenge of trying to follow his every footstep. I still do."

In these paragraphs she makes a point of emphasizing fathers leading as examples that play active roles in their families lives. My favorite paragraph from The Family: A Proclamation to the World supports this concept:

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

My new hope and dream on the topic of fathers is that I will marry a man who will be everything for my kids that I wished I had had for myself. And not just the man I marry, I hope this for all the wonderful men in my life who have this opportunity presented to them now or soon in their future. 

I have a little book I found at thrift store one day called A Father's Book of Wisdom. Here's a quote I really liked out of it: "Fathers are pals nowadays because they don't have the guts to be fathers." ~Dad

It is my hope, dream, and prayer that more men will have the guts to be fathers. 

The potential is there.