I'm entirely guilty of making flimsy excuses to not date guys.
My most well known excuse is that he didn't wear flip-flops. Ever.
I hit another major excuse this week....
It kills me inside when guys I'm attracted to haven't read Harry Potter.
I'm not saying they have to be as obsessed with Harry Potter as I am.. I just want them to know what I'm talking about when I go on random spiels about Harry Potter's religious symbolism.
"I won't date you because you don't wear flip-flops and haven't read Harry Potter."
How stupid does that sound?
How immature..
How shallow.
BUT!!!!!!
I am here to defend my shallow perspective.
It is not about Harry Potter. It is not about shoes. It is about the person you are because of those things. Your habits.. your interests... your history.... tells a story about who you are and who you are likely to become. It is not that if you can't check off my list of things I'm looking for in a guy that you're not an amazing person.. it just means that you live a life very different than the one I do and am familiar with. The list I have created below is not something my mind has set in stone.. its just a few things that I've come to discover are important to me the more guys I meet and get to know. These are 10 things that I'm attracted to and want to have in my life.
Are they a little bit ridiculous? Yes. Will I come off as kind of shallow? Absolutely. But do they matter to me? Most definitely.
1. He has to have read Harry Potter.
This one isn't even negotiable. The man I marry will have read the books before I seal the deal. The Harry Potter series is something that has made a major impact on my life and if the guy I'm in love with has never read the books I feel like there would be a huge gap in communication and understanding. I'm not saying he has to love the books-- I don't want to marry my twin-- but I do want to be able to relate with him via Harry Potter.
2. He wears flip-flops and what Payless calls "fashion sneakers".
To me, shoes are a huge indicator of personality. I look at each of these pairs of shoes and can tell you what kind of person would wear them. I've come to realize that I don't relate as well to guys who wear tennis shoes on a daily basis as I would like to. Yes, I'm stereotyping but let's be honest.. there is a reason stereotypes are formed because they're often accurate.
3. He has to be a nerd.
Oh my heavens I have a huge thing for nerds. It is so attractive when people are passionate about knowledge. I don't even really care what it is.. science, art, ninja turtles... I love when a guy's mind is filled with random facts and will have nerdy moments with me. I want to be able to have insanely random conversations with my husband without him staring at me like I've said something foreign.
4. He has to be photogenic/like taking pictures.
I love taking pictures. I'm not nearly as into pictures as I used to be but anyone can tell you about the thousands of pictures I have taken in the past few years. I want a guy who will take pictures with me. Its no fun when someone hates being in pictures when its something you love so much.
5. He has to like the outdoors.
I am an outdoor girl through and through. I was raised camping every summer, making plant potions outside after school every day, working for BSA, hiking through painful brush while mapping geology... I belong in the outdoors and want to spend a large portion of my life experiencing the beauty found there. I don't mind spending a vacation or two in the city or on a cruise ship but a life without a heavy dose of outdoor fun is a depressing thought.
6. It doesn't hurt for him to have touchable hair.
I love playing with guys' hair.. especially thick, wavy, wonderful hair. This number on the list is much more of an added bonus than a requirement. There are few things I enjoy more and find more relaxing than to spend a night at home with a guy who has touchable hair.
7. Oh please let him be musical!
I don't care whether you have played the piano your entire life or sing for fun in the shower. I just want someone who appreciates music and makes it part of their life. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people don't sing at church. I want someone who will always be sitting next to me singing-- no matter if they sound amazing or not.
8. I hope he looks sexy in a white shirt and tie
Men, especially in the Mormon world, tend to wear white shirts and ties fairly often. It would be nice to marry a Ryan Gosling rather than a Steve Carell from Crazy Stupid Love if ya know what I mean.
9. He has to have some dancin' skills
I love dancing. It's one of those things I picked up during my college career along with sign language. I want someone I can spend a Friday night dancing with. Nothing crazy.. just some good fun.
Seeing and experiencing the world is a huge part of who I am. Marrying a homebody would cripple my dreams.
Am I somewhat justified in being picky for what may seem like an entirely unimportant matter?
Logically I think-- Amanda.. you're ridiculous.
However, I can't shake how much I care.
I know that when I meet the right guy it won't matter if he doesn't match up with all of these things. It will be something I'll have to get used to but for now, I know what I want and this is it.
Let me gently point out something here:
ReplyDeleteYour bio says you "hate being classified" and yet you say "I look at each of these pairs of shoes and can tell you what kind of person would wear them."
It's a double standard. For each of the shoes pictured, I can look at it and think of a thousand stories behind why they might be wearing them. Every story tells something different.
Beyond the shoes and the hair and the dancing and the singing, there's a person. They have real stories that tell real--not just perceived--truths about them. In my experience the real stories are far more colorful and illuminating than the ones we tell ourselves.
Just try it. Next time you see a guy wearing shoes you don't approve of, ask him about them. Keep asking questions, 20 if that's what it takes, until you've learned the real story of his shoes. If I'm wrong, tell me.
Let me start by saying that obviously everybody is a little shallow but we are all shallow because we want something that we do not need. Most people when the look for a partner whether a boyfriend or girlfriend always find wants or reasons to include or exclude someone as a possibility, this in some cases leads to unhappy and disappointed. In short what we perceive that we want is not always what we need.
ReplyDeleteSecondly most people until later in their lives do not figure themselves out and when we do not know ourselves we can not get to know someone for who they are but instead see them for who WE want them to be. The summary point here is to know yourself before you get to know someone else.
......*sigh*.....Please stop trying to defend the fact that you wouldn't date someone because they didn't own any flip-flops. Also. Steve Carrell looks great in a suit. Maybe not as good as Ryan Gosling, but he still looks darn good.
ReplyDelete