I have no idea WTH is going on with the arrangement of the text. I changed one thing and the words all suddenly melted together and wouldn't line themselves up straight again. You'll have to read this post with a left alignment instead of centered. I'm so sorry.. ;)
There's this movie I happen to love called What's Your Number? It's a cliché chick flick but, like most, it has a couple very valuable lessons and ideas in between the girly sighs.
The first point I want to talk about is the basis of the entire movie-- What's your number?
In the movie, Ally Darling is reading a magazine that says women average 10.5 sex partners in their lifetime. A friend later tells her research has shown that women who sleep with more than 20 guys have a much lower rate of marriage and settling down. Ally's already at 19 which quickly turns to 20 in the next scene. Rather than being celibate for the rest of her life, she decides to track down her past relationships and see if something works with one of them. Her womanizing neighbor Colin from across the hall is helping her track down these exes and in the process, falls in love with Ally but she won't sleep with him because she's already at 20.Here's what Ally's friends have to say about him:
Eileen: Because he's not the kind of guy you end up with. He's the kind of guy you date before the guy you end up with.
which then turns into a conversation between Ally and Colin after a little (non-sexual) fling:
Ally Darling: Would you please just go.
Colin Shea: What about last night?
Ally Darling: I think we should just forget about last night.
Colin Shea: Because of Jake?
Ally Darling: No. Because you're not the kind of guy I'm supposed to end up with.
Three things caught my attention in this conversation--
1. Ally's obsession with a number.
2. The judgement placed on Colin labeling him as "the kind of guy you date before the guy you end up with."
3. What Ally wants.
1. We've all got our numbers. Number of boyfriends/girlfriends, number of sexual partners, number of people we've kissed, number of NCMOs...
And to most people-- those numbers are kinda important. They say something about you.
If your numbers are high maybe you're a little bit more free spirited, a little bit more risky, a little bit less of a committer. If your numbers are low maybe you're a little more cautious, a little more serious, a little more independent.
Or you could jump to the ultimate and somewhat inaccurate stereotype that if your number is high, you're a slut and if your number is low, you're a prude.
Whether you're a 59 or a 2, there's still a story behind your number.
So what's with the obsession in Ally's world of keeping a low number?
She's afraid that if her number gets too high she's going to miss her chance at the real thing. It's Saltines before steak all over again. Ally doesn't want to finally find the real guy and have him think, ew.. you've been with 20 other guys? It's also the thought of failure for all of her numbers.. the thought that surely one of her past numbers could have worked if circumstances were different.
Have you ever repeated your number in your head and thought, *gasp!* that many? and I'm now single again? I feel like such a slut.
I know I have.
Here's my main thought as to why worrying about numbers is stupid:
While working on keeping your number down may be a good thing that keeps you sincere in relationships, keeping them so low is extremely limiting. You might spend all your efforts forcing a past number to work when one number higher could be perfect for you but you're too worried about numbers to let that relationship happen.
Such is the case in this story-- Ally is so hung up on her number and not adding another man to the list that she misses what is right in front of her. Colin has no chance because she's afraid he's just going to be another empty number with little to show from it.
Which leads me to number 2:
2. Who is "the kind of guy you date before the guy you end up with"? In this story its Colin who is a womanizer-- he sleeps with a different woman all the time and then disappears before they wake up. He's completely into the sex, not the relationship. He's the guy who, for that initial period of time, you fall for completely only to realize after time that you're making excuses for him.
It should be easy enough to spot that guy, right?
Wrong! Sure, at times it may be simple but more often than not.. it's difficult.
Why?
Well, taking it from the perspective of Ally and Colin-- she already knows who he is. She knows what he does to women and even though he changes as he gets to know her, she still thinks he's that guy. How is she supposed to know that he's really changed? How is she supposed to know that he's changed permanently? It takes a lot of trust which takes time and effort to built from such a rocky beginning.
Looking at this from another perspective-- let's say this guy you're dating is perfect at first. He's the one to kiss you on the cheek randomly and pay attention to the little things. Then some things come up in your relationship that you're frustrated by but later find out he had legitimate excuses for. Things start to trend downhill from there. Rather than building trust, that initial trust you had at the beginning slowly begins to deteriorate.
I've seen both of these situations so many times and even though most of the time these really are the kind of guys you date before the guy you end up with, they are the guy you end up with and are happy with enough that I'm not confident in simply walking away without giving the relationship the time it needs to make it or break it. And I think that's what you have to do sometimes-- just give things a chance.
3. What is it that Ally wants?
At first she just wants someone that is one of her 20. However, she tells Colin that it's not about the number anymore. My best guess-- Ally wants someone that her family approves of, that her friends approve of, and someone she can be moderately happy around. And in the movie that's Jake. He's rich, he's attractive, her family and friends love him, and she has a pretty good time with him. However, I truly love what Colin said to her:
"You don't know what you want, Ally! You're so busy trying to be what everyone else wants you to be, you don't know who you are."
Ally has been basing her relationships on everyone else. On what research has told her about numbers. On what her mom wants. On what her friends expect. Why? Because it's safe. It's easier to follow rules and a life that has been laid out for you instead of working to figure out what it is you want and take that leap of faith. It takes a lot to decide who you are and what you want and then believe that there's someone out there who will love you for that and will want you for that.
This leads in perfectly to my favorite lesson in the movie.
The movie ends with Ally's sister, Daisy, getting married and its during Ally's toast to the happy couple that she realizes who she is and what she wants.
Ally Darling: When Daisy and Eddie first got together, I have to admit, I was a little bit nervous. I could tell that it was serious, and I thought that the closer she got to him, the further away she'd get from me. But that didn't happen. Not only do I see more of Daisy, I see a happier, even better Daisy. It's like with Eddie, she's completely herself. When you're a big sister, it's your job to teach your little sister everything. You know, how to ride a bike, how to lie to your parents, how to kiss. Not with tongues. Settle down, uncle Charlie. But, I never thought about what my little sister could teach me until right now. So I wanna thank you, Daisy. Thank you, for teaching me that being in love means being yourself. To Daisy and Eddie!
At this point, Ally breaks up with Jake because she realizes that she's not herself when she's with Jake. Her mom, who loves Jake as Ally's boyfriend, tries to counter this:
Ava Darling: Why are you doing this? We were finally happy!
Ally Darling: No! You were finally happy. I don't wanna marry Jake Adams! That's not who I am. I'm a jobless whore who slept with twenty guys!
Ava Darling: Shh!
Ally Darling: And I wanna be with somebody who appreciates that about me. You may not understand me, mom, but you don't have to. All you have to do is love me. I know that I'm not perfect, but that's why you have Daisy.
In the cliché, happy-go-lucky ending, Ally delivers this line to Colin:
"I'm happiest when I'm being myself, and I'm myself when I'm with you."
And isn't that what it's all about? It's about figuring out who we are and then finding someone who loves us for that and brings that out.
It's not about numbers.
It's not about conforming to a standard or to the rules and expectations around us.
It's about being ourself and simply letting who we are take control.
Love means being yourself.
Ally Darling: How do you know? You haven't even met him.
which then turns into a conversation between Ally and Colin after a little (non-sexual) fling:
Ally Darling: Would you please just go.
Colin Shea: What about last night?
Ally Darling: I think we should just forget about last night.
Colin Shea: Because of Jake?
Ally Darling: No. Because you're not the kind of guy I'm supposed to end up with.
Colin Shea: What kind of guy am I, Ally?
Ally Darling: You're the kind of guy you date before you meet the guy you end up with, and I've already dated twenty of you.
Colin Shea: So you're gonna try and make it work with Jake, a guy you haven't seen in years, just so you don't go over the number twenty?
Ally Darling: It's not just about the number anymore, okay?
Colin Shea: Well then, what it is?
Ally Darling: It's what I want!
Colin Shea: You don't know what you want, Ally! You're so busy trying to be what everyone else wants you to be, you don't know who you are.
Ally Darling: You're the kind of guy you date before you meet the guy you end up with, and I've already dated twenty of you.
Colin Shea: So you're gonna try and make it work with Jake, a guy you haven't seen in years, just so you don't go over the number twenty?
Ally Darling: It's not just about the number anymore, okay?
Colin Shea: Well then, what it is?
Ally Darling: It's what I want!
Colin Shea: You don't know what you want, Ally! You're so busy trying to be what everyone else wants you to be, you don't know who you are.
Three things caught my attention in this conversation--
1. Ally's obsession with a number.
2. The judgement placed on Colin labeling him as "the kind of guy you date before the guy you end up with."
3. What Ally wants.
1. We've all got our numbers. Number of boyfriends/girlfriends, number of sexual partners, number of people we've kissed, number of NCMOs...
And to most people-- those numbers are kinda important. They say something about you.
If your numbers are high maybe you're a little bit more free spirited, a little bit more risky, a little bit less of a committer. If your numbers are low maybe you're a little more cautious, a little more serious, a little more independent.
Or you could jump to the ultimate and somewhat inaccurate stereotype that if your number is high, you're a slut and if your number is low, you're a prude.
Whether you're a 59 or a 2, there's still a story behind your number.
So what's with the obsession in Ally's world of keeping a low number?
She's afraid that if her number gets too high she's going to miss her chance at the real thing. It's Saltines before steak all over again. Ally doesn't want to finally find the real guy and have him think, ew.. you've been with 20 other guys? It's also the thought of failure for all of her numbers.. the thought that surely one of her past numbers could have worked if circumstances were different.
Have you ever repeated your number in your head and thought, *gasp!* that many? and I'm now single again? I feel like such a slut.
I know I have.
Here's my main thought as to why worrying about numbers is stupid:
While working on keeping your number down may be a good thing that keeps you sincere in relationships, keeping them so low is extremely limiting. You might spend all your efforts forcing a past number to work when one number higher could be perfect for you but you're too worried about numbers to let that relationship happen.
Such is the case in this story-- Ally is so hung up on her number and not adding another man to the list that she misses what is right in front of her. Colin has no chance because she's afraid he's just going to be another empty number with little to show from it.
Which leads me to number 2:
2. Who is "the kind of guy you date before the guy you end up with"? In this story its Colin who is a womanizer-- he sleeps with a different woman all the time and then disappears before they wake up. He's completely into the sex, not the relationship. He's the guy who, for that initial period of time, you fall for completely only to realize after time that you're making excuses for him.
It should be easy enough to spot that guy, right?
Wrong! Sure, at times it may be simple but more often than not.. it's difficult.
Why?
Well, taking it from the perspective of Ally and Colin-- she already knows who he is. She knows what he does to women and even though he changes as he gets to know her, she still thinks he's that guy. How is she supposed to know that he's really changed? How is she supposed to know that he's changed permanently? It takes a lot of trust which takes time and effort to built from such a rocky beginning.
Looking at this from another perspective-- let's say this guy you're dating is perfect at first. He's the one to kiss you on the cheek randomly and pay attention to the little things. Then some things come up in your relationship that you're frustrated by but later find out he had legitimate excuses for. Things start to trend downhill from there. Rather than building trust, that initial trust you had at the beginning slowly begins to deteriorate.
I've seen both of these situations so many times and even though most of the time these really are the kind of guys you date before the guy you end up with, they are the guy you end up with and are happy with enough that I'm not confident in simply walking away without giving the relationship the time it needs to make it or break it. And I think that's what you have to do sometimes-- just give things a chance.
3. What is it that Ally wants?
At first she just wants someone that is one of her 20. However, she tells Colin that it's not about the number anymore. My best guess-- Ally wants someone that her family approves of, that her friends approve of, and someone she can be moderately happy around. And in the movie that's Jake. He's rich, he's attractive, her family and friends love him, and she has a pretty good time with him. However, I truly love what Colin said to her:
"You don't know what you want, Ally! You're so busy trying to be what everyone else wants you to be, you don't know who you are."
Ally has been basing her relationships on everyone else. On what research has told her about numbers. On what her mom wants. On what her friends expect. Why? Because it's safe. It's easier to follow rules and a life that has been laid out for you instead of working to figure out what it is you want and take that leap of faith. It takes a lot to decide who you are and what you want and then believe that there's someone out there who will love you for that and will want you for that.
This leads in perfectly to my favorite lesson in the movie.
The movie ends with Ally's sister, Daisy, getting married and its during Ally's toast to the happy couple that she realizes who she is and what she wants.
Ally Darling: When Daisy and Eddie first got together, I have to admit, I was a little bit nervous. I could tell that it was serious, and I thought that the closer she got to him, the further away she'd get from me. But that didn't happen. Not only do I see more of Daisy, I see a happier, even better Daisy. It's like with Eddie, she's completely herself. When you're a big sister, it's your job to teach your little sister everything. You know, how to ride a bike, how to lie to your parents, how to kiss. Not with tongues. Settle down, uncle Charlie. But, I never thought about what my little sister could teach me until right now. So I wanna thank you, Daisy. Thank you, for teaching me that being in love means being yourself. To Daisy and Eddie!
At this point, Ally breaks up with Jake because she realizes that she's not herself when she's with Jake. Her mom, who loves Jake as Ally's boyfriend, tries to counter this:
Ava Darling: Why are you doing this? We were finally happy!
Ally Darling: No! You were finally happy. I don't wanna marry Jake Adams! That's not who I am. I'm a jobless whore who slept with twenty guys!
Ava Darling: Shh!
Ally Darling: And I wanna be with somebody who appreciates that about me. You may not understand me, mom, but you don't have to. All you have to do is love me. I know that I'm not perfect, but that's why you have Daisy.
In the cliché, happy-go-lucky ending, Ally delivers this line to Colin:
"I'm happiest when I'm being myself, and I'm myself when I'm with you."
And isn't that what it's all about? It's about figuring out who we are and then finding someone who loves us for that and brings that out.
It's not about numbers.
It's not about conforming to a standard or to the rules and expectations around us.
It's about being ourself and simply letting who we are take control.
Love means being yourself.
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