Ten Secrets to a Happy Marriage- from Mom

This is copied out of a book but I have found its points to be a compilation of many sources I have gained marriage information about. 

And even though I lack any history of marriage myself, I have found this information to be highly accurate and of immense value if followed through. 

Plus, it was shared by moms. And let's admit it, the older we get, the more we understand, realize, and value what our moms have to say.

Ten Secrets to a Happy Marriage- from Mom

1. God has you here to serve one another. Love acted out is serving.

2. Women need respect and nurturing. Love your wife so she knows you'd lay your life down for her. Continue to date her and admire her. Share a hobby-- find something you can do to have fun together.

3. Laugh often. 

4. Be patient. Love crumbles quickly under the weight of unmet expectations.

5. Spend more time trying to fix yourself than your spouse.

6. Keep short accounts. The Bible says, "Do not let the sun go down while you are angry." Make it a habit to forgive.

7. Determine up front that divorce is not an option.

8. Learn about love languages. Not all people show love or receive it the same way. You want a back rub and your spouse wants a clean kitchen. The love languages are fairly simple: acts of service, time, physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation. Learn them. Love is better received when it's in the language that person speaks. 

9. Words of affirmation are a love language for all men.

10. Men are born to be leaders. He cannot lead unless she gives him the confidence to do so. If you love your husband, build him up. Confident men do not seek love outside the home.

And after all that love and all that hard work... they lived happily ever after. 

Forever.

"What might be holding you back"

Over a lovely cup of shaved ice and a nice discussion about dating and "men," I was given a list of 15 things that "might be holding [me] back" in the dating world.

The things about me are:

1. Creeper

2. Awkward advances

3. You don't know how to talk to guys you like

4. Too much of a romantic

5. Going about getting a guy like you're a child still

6. Too tall for some guys. Meh.

7. Intimidating (Pretty girl). Not to [Ricky] though. 

8. Eye contact

9. Too hung up on guys that have no interest in you.

10. White girl dancing

11. Home wrecker

12. Mormon

13. Not mormon enough.

14. Going to Ricky for advice.

15. You love me (Ricky)

Obviously these are meant to be fairly humorous and contain a few inside jokes but.. who knows? Maybe a few lessons can be learned.

30-second-eternity

I have this frustration with meeting new "men"/dating. 

Why?

Because my mind has been trained to make an instant judgment on them-- could I potentially marry them some day or not? 

HATE.

It has been trained in my mind over and over and over again.... MARRIAGE! Must get married. Must find that perfect someone. Must must must because it is what I am supposed to do.

Geez can't I just have some fun getting to know people? Can't I just view someone as a friend rather than first analyzing them as marriage material?

*exasperated sigh* 

Oh baby let's frolic and play

I have this intensely uncomfortable reaction to the words "frolic" and "play." 

When I think of those words I image children running through a field having fun. 

But I also feel they have a slightly inappropriate connotation with them. 

"Let's frolic and play!" That's what she said.

Ew. 

Sorry my dear lovely guy friends that I love so much who tell me that we should play some time. 

I promise I still love you.

What's in a BF?

And no, I'm not talking about a boyfriend. Although...... now that I think about it that would be a fantastic topic for later on. 

I realize that my latest trend for blogs has been on relationships but I hope you don't mind if I throw one more (at least) post out there about them.

I've spent a lot of time recently reflecting on relationships and why they exist and all that they entail and require. 

Here is what I think a best friend is...

in addition to trust, service, love, and a willingness/genuine concern that enables one to listen to someone's 15 minutes (or more) of stress relieving venting each day or a 2 hour ramble on the topic of a guy/girl who they are ridiculously in like with...

Here is what I have quickly come up with:

BEST FRIENDS

And I pluralize "best friends" because it is my belief that one may have multiple best friends or at least a portion of a best friend in a number of friends.

A best friend is:

...Someone who will dye your hair blue and black and then allow you to dress up and go out in public with them even if they think you look ridiculous.

....Someone who will kidnap you for an afternoon and make you climb to the top of a stairwell and then proceed to sing at the top of stairs with you while appreciating the fantastic acoustics. 

.......Someone who will spend hours in a beyond grungy bathroom with you chipping out flooring and revealing tile under a thick layer of grime.

......Someone who will sweat with you in a raunchy smelling room while scraping "popcorn" texture off ceilings for an entire afternoon

.......Someone who will sit in line with you for an entire day for a stupid movie and spend hours dressing up for it.

.......Someone who will spend a morning modeling for an amateur photo shoot.

........Someone who will go on temple trips with you and ditch the crowds while throwing the world around the field.

.......Someone who will not only attend your Harry Potter party but arrive fashionably and read your fortune.

..........Someone who goes on road trips with you and manages to not kill anyone after a series of pickles.

...........Someone who doesn't laugh at your first snowman and the huge rip down the back of your pants from sliding down the mountain without a sled. 

...........Someone who also believes that every unscheduled night is the perfect opportunity for crazy hair and a mess of pictures

........Someone who will spend more time preparing snacks for a movie than the actual length of the movie

.............Someone who will attract security guards with you while creepering on innocent cars

............Someone who manages to not pee their pants while fearing for their life as you're driving and then have the faith to get in a car with you again.

..........Someone who will rearrange your entire bedroom with you and then hang your stuffed panda from the ceiling. 

...........Someone who will pretend to be your parent and take embarrassing pictures before a formal dance even though you're half way through college

.........Someone who feels the need and takes the opportunity to empty your pantry into their shirts

............Someone who will spend the first class you've ever ditched building a rollercoaster wrapped around half of a physics classroom.

...........Someone who will dress up in ballgowns and go to old fashioned dances with you

.........Someone who will trust you to touch their prized hair and allow you to change it forever.

............Someone who will pull of the highway to carve their name in sandstone with you and see if the tree is chocolate, strawberry, or butterscotch

.........Someone who will spend the entire month of October visiting every haunted house you can find

.............Someone who will drive out to the desert with you and sleep in the back of a truck on a nasty mattress in the rain

.............Someone who will lock you in a port-a-pottie and then stand back and take pictures.

..........Someone who while working on the top of a tower running a zipline will have a dance party with you to We Like to Party through the rain and snow

.........Someone who will sit on the side of the road with you in the middle of August in AZ for the majority of a day and get an ambulance called for your "lifeless body"

............Someone who will create a hate/love board with you and then proceed to shoot it with arrows

..........Someone who thinks it is a fabulous idea to attend Junk Yard prom and instead of attending the dance hang out in the park and take pictures

........Someone who will volunteer their body as you practice your henna designs

............Someone who will eat a new and disgusting food with you every week even if grilled eggplant in sunflower oil wasn't the tastiest thing you've ever eaten

...........Someone who will attend a Clay Aiken concert with you even if you're the only ones in the audience under 50 years old

.............Someone who will spend their last night in 18 months with you on a picnic while talking about your dreams and doubts and fears

..........Someone who will encourage you to dye an Easter egg to represent a frustration in your life and then hand you a hammer to smash it with

...........Someone who will dress up in black with you and then run around neighborhoods leaving creepy notes

...........Someone who helps you make a fantastic dress for the final Harry Potter movie even though you only gave them less than a week's notice before it needed to be done

........Someone who when skinny dipping is suggested doesn't hesitate to throw their swimsuit on the decking and encourage you to do the same.

Really.... a best friend is an amazing number of things.

They are the ones who will go far out of their way to make you feel better even if their actions are a little over the top.

They are the ones who will encourage you to be everything good you've ever wanted to be.

They are the ones who will already be standing on your doorstep with a carton of Ben and Jerry's before your illogical Facebook post about that boy you're in love with is posted.

They're an amazing amount of big things but they're all the little things too.

And it is amazing just how much the little things count.

Good vs. Best

Life isn't always a matter of good vs. evil. Most of the time it is closer to good vs. best.

This applies in all aspects of life. What cleaning supplies you use, your diet, your choice in activities, and most importantly, people.

Here's the thing.... there are people in my life who are good people and there are people who are best people. 

I'm not saying that one is necessarily more fantastic than the other because honestly, I don't know everything about everyone and people are all amazing in their own ways. 

What I want to bring up is that in my own personal life (and any of your personal lives) there are people who are good for me and there are people who are best for me. 

The good people are still good and have a lot of amazing things going for them but the thing is, they may not mesh well with me. Sometimes things simply do not work together but people still try to force them together anyways. This good person might be a best for someone else but for my own personal situation, we are not compatible. 

And that's okay. 

Even though I am grateful for good people and what I have learned from them, I'm ready to move on. And I want to give a big thanks for best people-- the ones who are showing me that everything I have ever wanted is right in front of me. That it exists and lives to the potential of a true happily ever after.

Let's all get a little offended.

This is a poster put out during WWII in England and I feel it is an appropriate response to a situation I took part in today. At work I took part in an excessively long meeting in which my fellow employees and I were chastised and encouraged to rise to our full potential. Was it frustrating? A little. Did it feel excessive? Kinda. Did I want to stand up in the middle of the meeting and yell out my thoughts on how I wanted to do what I wanted and continue enjoying the things that were being taken away and tell the leaders to get off my case? Yeah I did but not as much as I would have spectated that I would. 

You see, being offended is a choice. Literally. As I sat there I thought about how I could react two different ways. I could either take all the comments personally with a negative connotation and condense the comments into a ball of anger and then talk with people afterwards about how stupid the entire thing was...

OR

I could try to realize the reasoning behind it. I could look from another's perspective and find the good that would result if changes were made. I could respect my leaders and keep any confusion or negative feelings to myself rather than gossiping about them and creating a negative work atmosphere. 

It's one of those difficult easy questions. The correct choice to make is obvious. In the end, having a positive attitude will be easier and make the most progress but choosing to be offended would most likely give me the greatest satisfaction temporarily and allow me to further enjoy some of the things we were instructed against. 

It's really all about the eternal (or maybe just long term) perspective. 

Is having an Arabic name and going on a trip to McDonalds and sitting next to my love interest worth missing an opportunity to change a life or even to simply obey? 

No, it's not. 

So I suppose I will be okay with all of this. 

Even if it is smothering the rebel inside of me.