Arranged Love

One of my favorite quotes is from The Wedding Planner when Massimo says, "Love cant always be perfect. Love is just love." 

I've never had too much of a problem with the concept of arranged marriages. I don't think I would like to have my marriage arranged although honestly, sometimes it sounds seriously tempting!

My peace with this concept comes from a strong belief I have that any marriage can work if both partners are putting in the effort. 

But I don't want to talk about that right now.

I want to bring up the process of love that Mary's dad highlights when he shares a story about his own arranged marriage:

Your mother and I had an arranged marriage.
              An arranged marriage?
              We met on the day of our wedding.
              We couldn't even look at each other.
              I was in love with another girl...
              and your mother wanted nothing to do with me.
              She said I had big eyebrows and a low IQ
              Anyway, one day...
              I got very sick with scarlet fever...
              and she stayed by my side.
              She took good care of me.
              For the first time...
              I appreciated her.
              Then the appreciation grew to respect.
              Respect grew to like.
              Then like grew to love.
              A deeper love than I could ever hope for.
              So give Massimo a chance.
              Maybe you don't like him now...
              but maybe you might love him later.

Now, the point I want to make is that every relationship is like an arranged marriage in the sense that over time little events in our lives follow the trend of appreciation to respect to like to love.. even if we started out with a little more like and love than an arranged marriage might. And the beautiful thing is, it never ends. You will always be able to continue that cycle and always have "a deeper love than [you] could ever hope for." 

The Reason Why

This post is kind of a branch off of a past post-The Science of Kissing- in the sense that I've been frequently contemplating a few of the wrong reasons to kiss. Or ya know, do whatever.

So often in our lives we make choices because of other people whether we want to please them or entirely tick them off. What we need to do is consistently step back and ask... who am I making this choice for? and why am I choosing to do this? I'm not saying you have to always think about what YOU want to do.. No, I'm not advocating compete selfishness.. I'm just saying make sure it is a choice you personally believe in and are making because YOU have personal feelings pointing you towards that choice. Also, think about why...
For instance-- a girl choosing an outfit:
1. To impress a boy
2. To further annoy your parents
3. To gain favor from a large party
4. To advocate being honked at while walking down the street
5. Because you feel beautiful in it
...
..
.
Why do we do the things we do?

Dragging this topic towards a relationship aspect- I wonder how often we make a move as a reaction to someone else.
For example- you might be tempted to hold someone's hand simply because you are in a public setting and you want to make a social statement or rub it in someone's face.
WRONG reason for that choice.

It really comes down to taking the time and personal control to monitor your actions and make choices in a way that is entirely pure to who you are.
Do things because YOU mean them.. not because of an attention statement.
Life means so much more that way.

Props For You Pt.2

My favorite musical is Phantom of the Opera. I'm not saying it is absolutely fantastic.. I'm just saying that I love it. I think once you reach Act 2 it starts feeling absurdly long and it's kind of a disturbing story (but most musicals are!) and the song Masquerade can go die. BUT it has FANTASTIC props. I love the costumes and the sets how it is all arranged in a perfectly magical story. My absolute favorite part (and the reason I stay for the second half!) is I believe at the beginning of Act 2 when the phantom takes her down into the dungeon. I love the music and the boat and the eerie candles lighting the fog ridden water.

You see, Tabitha informed me that I missed two crucial aspects to theater-- costumes and lighting. They make a huge impact and here's my new train of thought on those two topics:

1. Costumes- modern day costumes- One thing that I enjoy observing about people is their personal style of clothing. Everyone has a different style even if those styles have a same basic trend. Quite often I see people wearing things and think, "seriously? ew." or "Do you actually think that is attractive??" So many people really wear the most unattractive or flamboyantly ridiculous outfits. 

But then I realized... I do too. I LOVE my ugly outfits. I love my moccasin boots and my teal shirt with the fringe and my pink lucky shirt covered with things I love... I thoroughly enjoy wearing those items of clothing. OR every so often I'll wear something that I'm thoroughly aware doesn't match or doesn't look good but for some reason I find enjoyment in doing this. 

So my revelation-- maybe these people I'm judging are like me.. Maybe they really do have a good sense of style. Maybe they know they look like a fat striped rainbow cow. 

Same goes with hair- I love ridiculous hair styles on myself but every time I see the girl in my oceanography class who has a random fan of hair sticking up on top of her head I become utterly confused. But maybe that's just her thing.. maybe she enjoys it-- not because she thinks it is attractive but simply because it makes her happy. 

2. Lighting- This builds off of costumes in the sense that we can put whatever lighting we want on a situation. We can spotlight certain things while we hide other parts of our lives and observations in the back corner of the stage. We can give any situation a positive lighting effect.. We have complete control as to how we light our stages and how due to that lighting we portray parts of our lives. 

It's quite fantastic taking one opinion and trying to see it from an entirely opposite perspective. I love doing that and I'm fairly decent at it as I learned writing argumentive papers for my ENG 102 class a few years back. It's also amazing how as you study a perspective different from your own you can see beauty and logic on both sides. You may even change your own perspective.

Our stages are whatever we want to make them- there will always be "ugly" costumes but whether or not we see them as ugly is up to us. Perhaps everyone else around us is a lot more like ourselves than we care to realize. 

So when you're sitting in class surrounded by idiots just think.... that's you too. In a good way.

Look at Me.. Look at Me.. Hands in the Air 'Cause It's Good to be ALIVE

One of my absolute favorite movie scenes is when Thumbelina and Prince Cornelius meet. 

Why?

The way they look at each other.

There is SO much you can tell from the way someone looks at you. And... be entirely confused by it too but we're going to ignore that part for now.

It's amazing how many emotions someone's face can reveal. I should know. Apparently I'm fabulously horrible at keeping a poker face. 

But truly, you can look at someone and read their face far more often than they realize.

I've seen so many expressions.. curiosity, hesitation, observant, zoned out, lustful, trying to figure you out, thinking about someone else, contemplative, love.

Those are some of my favorite memories- the moments when someone looked at me and I read a million things that words cannot even describe. 

I love those moments. 

I love reading people.

I love feeling like a total ninja reading their mind.

I See the Best of Me Inside Your Eyes

One of my favorite songs is Smile by Uncle Kracker-- not because I think the music is very good. Not because the lyrics are anything special. I like it because every once in a while there are those days when nothing special really happens and yet all I want to do is smile. It seems that every time one of those days occurs I get this song stuck in my head.

Last week I had one of those days and as I was beginning my hour-long dreaded force-myself-to-sleep routine I was singing this song and decided to pull it up on YouTube so the music wasn't just voices in my head. 

I'm huge into lyrics and this line from the song caught my interest: "I see the best of me inside your eyes." I'll admit.. I'm kind of in love with it.

You see, there are people in our lives (hopefully!) who just make us smile. They make any moment a good memory and bring peace during the emotionally chaotic moments of our lives.

And the best part is- those are the people who give us the strength to be everything we want to be and to truly see the best of ourselves. When we're with them we can stop beating ourselves up for all the dumb little things that we don't do right and take a moment to see a beautiful person- because unbelievable as it may be in your mind, that is how they see you.
For a moment you "see the best of [yourself] inside [their] eyes"--
you are:
beautiful
funny
brave
smart
talented
and yes, even cute.

Possibly even adorable.

You make me smile.

Love the haters that they may have the courage to be lovers.

This is going to be another hate post. Why? I'm frustrated. With whom? Myself. 

There are 3 things that people do that absolutely frustrate me. There are probably more but 3 come to mind right now.

1. I don't like it when negative comments are made about another person. Heck, just negative comments in general. They're ridiculously depressing and something that I have run away from and yet, I've realized that I've started doing it myself again. There is absolutely no point in drawing attention to the negative. Nothing good comes out of it. And yet we all do it. Why? I'm really not sure. Here's part of an article that gives some insight whether it is entirely valid or not, I haven't decided. 

Why do some people complain about everything

"There are different reasons why people complain. For some people, complaining comes forth out of a true sense of unhappiness. They are unhappy about themselves or about their lives and they express this by complaining to others about their bad fortune. When people are that unhappy it does not really matter what happens in their lives, because they will always find something to complain about. They need to complain, because for them it is a way of coping with their unhappiness that they have learned is effective.

"This is different to the every day complaining most people do. We all complain sometimes, about little things that happen to us, like being stuck in a traffic jam or being turned down for a job. However, because most of us are not truly unhappy we do not have the need to complain all the time. When no bad events take place in our lives, we simply cease to complain. This is not the case with so-called compulsive complainers.

"People do not only complain incessantly because they are unhappy, for some complainers it is more of a bad habit that they have picked up. These are the kind of people who either just need to complain for no good reason, or they are so used to complaining all the time that they do not even notice that they are doing it. You can recognize them by their casual way of complaining. They might walk into your house and mention that traffic was a nightmare, the weather sucks, they are not feeling too well and that something in your house smells funny.

"A final reason why some people complain a lot is because it makes them feel better. These people are not necessarily unhappy people, but by complaining about every little thing that bothers them, they actually feel better. In other words, they burden other people with all their problems and worries, making those people feel bad, while they in turn end up feeling great. There is nothing wrong with complaining, we all need to do it now and again, but the trick is to not over do it. The last thing you want is to end up being known as one of those people who complains about everything."

Maybe I'm just a compulsive complainer because everyone who has spent time around me this past month has probably noticed how ridiculously happy I've been. Happy because the biggest voids in my life have been filled. The thing is, everyone could improve on focusing their comments towards positive things rather than automatically throwing out comments that even meant as a joke may hold a negative hint of truth. And with people too-- negative comments directed towards someone seem to always equal you judging them. You never know why someone does/says/wears what they do and by directing a negative comment towards them you are the one at fault. You'll never have the license to hate on someone. That's a straight shot towards an epic fail in the category of relationships. 

2. I don't like pushy people-- both being a pushy person and having someone keep pushing something at me. I think I've improved on keeping those two things to a bare minimum in my life but every once in a while I notice their reappearance. The only time I'm a pushy person is when its something I really care about that I think would benefit someone else to do. Whether that is coming to church with me or reading something or coming to some other activity, it will always be something that I have benefitted from in my own life and I see great potential for it benefitting you too. I've learned that asking/demanding someone to do one of those things is a 2 time event. I always hope someone will agree with my first request but if not I'm willing to be annoying and ask again. Why do I do this? Because if someone asks twice you know that it matters and is not just a casual request. After two times, I give up. Well, at least until a later time. If you push the issue past two times then it becomes an unnecessary conflict and its not like a third request is going to change anything. I really don't like even asking twice but sorry, I do it anyways because I care. Not because I don't understand that I won't always get my way. 

As for having things pushed at me, its something I haven't had to deal with as much recently as I've moved out and entered a much more liberal lifestyle. I think the reason I get so irritated with people pushing things at me is that I want to do things because I want to do them. Not because someone else tells me to. The more someone pushes something at me, the more I don't want to do it. That's where my rebellious side kicks in and I start fighting back simply because I don't want to do what someone is "making" me do. It goes back to the 2-time rule.. If I hear something twice, I know that it is important to whomever is telling me but past that point, its just irritating and more likely to make me do the exact opposite. 

3. I don't like guilt trips. I hope I don't put others on guilt trips because I have a firm belief that they are a highly efficient form of emotional/psychological abuse. A majority of the time, someone knows if they did something wrong and this thing called their conscience should do the trick to make them feel guilty. It is not necessary for you to dwell on the negative and constantly keep reminding them of their less-than-perfect decision. Similar to #1, nothing good will come out of pointing out the bad and continue dwelling on it. The great thing is, people can heal. They can repent and move on- even with the smallest of mistakes. Give them the benefit of the doubt and let them do so. One of my favorite talks- The Best Is Yet to Be-- discusses this concept. Here's one of my favorite parts:

"Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is that charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don’t keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone, saying, “Hey! Do you remember this?” Splat!"

Believe that people can be everything they want to be and that not only CAN they be that person but that they WILL. 

Loving you and only you forever and ever

‎"Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, suspecting that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too." --Daniel Handler

I think that everyone has the fear that they'll be alone forever... not necessarily alone but that they will never find that one person they are looking for who will love them unconditionally with their entire hearts forever and ever. 

And part of us believes that... that we really will be alone. But we've also probably heard something along these lines and if you haven't before, you're about to:

"I am certain that all of us deserve nothing less than a happily ever after that never ends. The number one thing I look forward to about marriage is wrapping my arms around my wife at night kissing her on the lips and knowing I will have that opportunity forever. That it never has to end. You deserve kisses that mean something forever."

So what is it that we want? And I can say "we" because guess what? Everyone wants the same thing.

Let me make a quick list. We want someone who is:

loving

funny 

physically attractive

enjoys going out and doing activities with you

will spend a night at home relaxing with you

has high standards for themselves

easy to talk to

will accept you for who you are

romantic

good with kids

hard worker

has a good relationship with their family

patient

someone you trust

...

.. 

. 

One person. We are all looking for one person in our lives who will be that for us. 

The thing is, there are lots of people who fulfill those qualities. Lots of people who will make you happy. Lots of people who know how to put a smile on your face. 

We all want the same thing and many people can give us that same thing.

BUT (and everything has a butt)

ONE person. 

I've always had trouble understanding some relationships... people who don't want to get married because they're not sure if they want to spend the rest of their lives with one person. Or someone who hears about being with one person beyond death and makes a negative comment about how they would never want to be with the same person for that long. 

I have NEVER understood that. Until today.

Today I felt that insecurity and doubt at the idea of me being with the same person forever. I'm not scared of losing interest in my spouse.. quite the opposite. I'm afraid they'll lose interest in me. Don't get me wrong... I will not get divorced. Straight up my fiance will know that divorce is NOT an option. 

It's a thing of insecurity with one's self. I know better than anyone else on this earth the potential I hold. My faith that someone else can see that potential however is a bit unsteady. No one wants to wake up with the realization that they married a scam. That the person they married is not the person they originally saw them as-- that they're no longer sexy or funny or intelligent.. etc..

The lovely thing though is that I believe in happily ever afters. No, not believe.. I know. I know they exist. I know that it is possible to find that one person who changes your entire world. That one person who makes you forget everyone else you've ever had an interest in and ever could potentially have an interest in. That one person who you can not only talk to for hours at a time now but will always be able to talk to for hours at a time. That one person who makes it impossible to stop smiling. That one person who knows all of your faults and insecurities and quirky habits and loves you even more because of them. That one person who you fall in love with a little more with every moment you spend together.

Yes, I know there is one person for each of us. Do I have fears? Most definitely. But the thing is-- "I am certain that all of us deserve nothing less than a happily ever after that never ends." 

And I know that someday we'll get it.

I Want

Quick! Decide what this blog post is about based on the title "I Want." I purposefully picked an entirely random picture as to not give it away. 

Got it?

Seriously... decide. What is this post about?

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.

If you don't have an idea yet here's 3 of many options this post could potentially lead to: 

I want (a pony!)

I want you (and your sexy body!)

I want you... (to do me a favor <_<)

Alright, it's the third. 

Now what do I mean by "I want you....."? 

[I realize it may not be proper english to place the "?" outside of the quotation marks but I like it better that way.]

Well, I am here to encourage the phrase "I want you...." 

How? By saying, "Hey Amanda! I want you to come to this group activity with me" OR "I want you to come spend time with me."  OR "I want you to fall crazy in love with me"

OK... maybe not the last one. Crpr+e^3!!

The thing is.. people don't often say that they want something from someone else whether it's because they don't want to be pushy or they don't want to show that they care that much or they're simply lazy, no good, pain the butts. 

So why should we start using the phrase "I want you"? Because it shows that you care! It shows a person that someone cares about them and let's be honest-- we all need that affirmation every so often. 

Try it tomorrow. No, TODAY. Today talk to someone and say, "hey, I want you..." 

It will make a huge difference. Pinky promise.

I love you

love: "An intense feeling of deep affection"

There are a lot of types of situations we refer to as "love."

crushes

fatty food
books
art
sounds & smells

friends

pets

significant others
.......
whatevs.

I don't really have a fabulous long lecture to present on this topic but I would like to bring up the use of the phrase
"I LOVE YOU"

The phrase "I love you" is immensely different than loving an object and yet not at all.
We say that we love Pringles or that we love A Walk to Remember or we love standing in the rain...

But what does it mean to LOVE?

In these cases I think it means to have a personal and satisfying connection with something. It indicates that something we love is something that has become a part of us and not only a part of us but a part of us that more than satisfactorily fulfills one or more of our desires.

That was wordy and could be phrased better but just read it over a few times and get over it.

So how is this different than loving people? It's really not. That's right.. read it again with a different context now.

I love my friends because they are something that I have a deep personal connection with. They are a part of who I am and fulfill voids in my life.

Now let's take it to the next level-- "I love you."
I do love my friends. There's a handful of them that I tell "I love you" to. I don't just like them.. I love them. I have, as my dictionary defines love as, "an intense feeling of deep affection."

But am I using the phrase "I love you" too casually? Maybe. It's something I have become aware of in the past few weeks. I've decided that I'm okay with usage of the phrase "I love you" though. Or as some would say, I'm not an "'I-love-you'-slut." When I tell someone I love them, I mean it. I really do.

BUT

I do not use the phrase "I love you" casually in romantic relationships.. I still haven't quite figured out what the phrase "I love you" even means in that sense. If I think a friendship has the potential of turning into a romantic relationship, there's a very good chance I've never told them I love them. Why? Probably because in that situation I would feel like I was using the phrase too casually. If there's someone I am interested in that way I don't want to tell them "I love you" unless I've figured out what love is and mean it with everything I'm made of.

So hey, I love you whether you're a can of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles, my best friend, or the person I imagine myself marrying some day.

Just know that when I say it.. it's for real.

Post-date text messages

I have recently become aware of what I am going to refer to as PDTM (post date text message(s)). 

I'll be honest... they are still out of my comfort zone but I'm getting used to them. I used to be confused by them because hello if I was just on a date with you then why didn't you just tell me that before you dropped me off 20 minutes ago? Now, however, I see them a little bit differently-- more of a confirmation that the date went well and I'm not a complete social reject like I occasionally enjoy categorizing myself as.

I did a little bit of research and here's what he experts have to say:

"During our parents' generation, you'd go on a date and cross your fingers that your crush called you the next day. But today it's grown a lot more complicated....

"If a date goes well, it's becoming standard practice to send a follow-up text message: "I had a great time tonight," or "I can't stop thinking about you..." Most of my friends wait about a half hour and then send a little thank-you note. It's a nice way to cap off a date, don't you think? You can give an instant thumbs-up and feel like you ended on a sweet note. (Plus, it's easier to write bold I-like-you's than to (gulp) say them.)" ~Glamour

OR

Flirting via text message is a sacred art, and gives guys the opportunity to make use of those smiley faces that in any other context would clearly be the gayest thing ever. 

OR

Sending the post-date text cuts through games. I am at a point where I want to date/get to know women that aren't going to play games, be flakely, don't have an interest. Sometimes this text can cut through the games. She knows I am interested, there isn't second-guessing. Also, if someone is hesitant about how things are progressing, the text can cut through that as well.

OR

What's the best post-first-date text message you can send someone you are no longer interested in?

"I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this past couple days and I'm totally and hopelessly in love with you. My dearest (insert other person's name), you're the love of my life and I can't wait to see you again tonight!"

Followed by:

"Whoops."

OR

What has two thumbs and just wants to be friends with you?

So PDTM have a pretty solid place in our lives.. an increasingly solid place. They can give confirmation to a positive date, cut through the games, and provide an easy way out to say what you want and not sound like a total retard when you do. 

And the thing is.. PDTM are not limited to dating. They have a place with your friends too. Think about it... if you spend time with one of your friends and have a good time you usually end up sending them a text later in the day/evening simply because they're on your mind and you want to continue talking to them whether you're conscious of that desire or not.

Now you just have to figure out what to say back to such awkward messages

The Science of Kissing

There are three reasons to kiss:

Physical desire

Curiosity 

Love

Physical desire: Our bodies are designed to need physical contact. Physical contact exists in a range of forms-- someone's arm around you, a shoulder massage, playing with someone's hair, a hug, holding hands, kissing, sex... 
Babies have to be touched. Harry Harlow performed a series of studies using monkeys, isolating them from physical touch. In situations of complete isolation (basically being confined to a box as a baby) he reports this: 

No monkey has died during isolation. When initially removed from total social isolation, however, they usually go into a state of emotional shock, characterized by ... autistic self-clutching and rocking. One of six monkeys isolated for 3 months refused to eat after release and died 5 days later. The autopsy report attributed death to emotional anorexia. ... The effects of 6 months of total social isolation were so devastating and debilitating that we had assumed initially that 12 months of isolation would not produce any additional decrement. This assumption proved to be false; 12 months of isolation almost obliterated the animals socially ...

I'm not saying that if we don't get a hug every now and then that we'll die. The necessity for physical contact is not as strong of a need for adults as it is for juveniles. The thing is, most of the time, the more physical contact one gets, the happier and less stressed out they are. 


When physical touch reaches the level of establishing a physical relationship, you must be careful. It is something that we are naturally prone to desire but here is where other reasons to kiss must come into play.


Curiosity: While you may not feel a pull of physical desire or love towards someone, you may want to kiss them purely due to curiosity. Chances are, they're either one of your best friends or someone who has caught your attention due to something in their personality or physical traits that stands out to you. 


Love: This reason to kiss stems from an entirely different part of us than physical desire or curiosity. It is not a physical draw. It is not a mental draw. It is something that is part of your soul and your entire self that presents a desire to kiss. Once upon a time I heard an explanation of kissing that I will never forget. Kissing is for when you want to start a relationship with someone and for when words are not adequate. I think that's beautiful-- to kiss because your heart and soul care so much about someone that nothing you could say would even come close to conveying how you feel. 




What are the "right" reasons to kiss? Is it only one of those? A combination? All three? 
That's a matter of opinion. 


Just don't underestimate the power of a kiss. 


Or abuse it.

Why do I like you?

A genius idea occurred to me while driving home tonight. I figured out why we like certain people. We always say we like a certain person because of things about them-- whether it is because they are funny or a kind person or..... (I really don't want to take the time to come up with a creative list.) But the point is, we tell ourselves that we like them because of who they are, right? And that is partially correct, but there is more to the situation. 

We like people because when we are with them/in contact with them we like who we ourselves are. 

Yes, I like that person because they are funny but really... I like them because I feel happy due to who they are. It is how we feel and react that creates our opinions.. not just the traits of the person. 

This is really just a spur of the moment thought/idea so I am sure there is a lot more I could eventually add or learn on this topic but I think it is a brilliant start. 

Seriously.. just think about it for 30 seconds.. it is an interesting perspective.

Computer class -> Simplified dating.

Please watch this video and then appreciate with me the simple magic that occurred. 

I'm slightly worried about that boy-- he comes off as a little creepy. I mean, I wouldn't even write that kind stuff and most of you know that if I have something to say I just share it. However, I am not creepy enough to go as far as ending an obviously obsessed, nervous letter with "Dreaming of You" even if its entirely true that I seem to dream about you far too often. 

Also.... heaven help this boy for suggesting MMORPGs. Poor girl. I highly discourage life consuming video games as a first date activity.

I honestly want to try this some day and see how it turns out. Not necessarily for a tacky date invite via email but maybe for something else. 

One thing that I do know though.. even though my intelligence has been insulted in this 100 level computer class of mine... I think it will be my favorite class of the semester. 

Ten Secrets to a Happy Marriage- from Mom

This is copied out of a book but I have found its points to be a compilation of many sources I have gained marriage information about. 

And even though I lack any history of marriage myself, I have found this information to be highly accurate and of immense value if followed through. 

Plus, it was shared by moms. And let's admit it, the older we get, the more we understand, realize, and value what our moms have to say.

Ten Secrets to a Happy Marriage- from Mom

1. God has you here to serve one another. Love acted out is serving.

2. Women need respect and nurturing. Love your wife so she knows you'd lay your life down for her. Continue to date her and admire her. Share a hobby-- find something you can do to have fun together.

3. Laugh often. 

4. Be patient. Love crumbles quickly under the weight of unmet expectations.

5. Spend more time trying to fix yourself than your spouse.

6. Keep short accounts. The Bible says, "Do not let the sun go down while you are angry." Make it a habit to forgive.

7. Determine up front that divorce is not an option.

8. Learn about love languages. Not all people show love or receive it the same way. You want a back rub and your spouse wants a clean kitchen. The love languages are fairly simple: acts of service, time, physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation. Learn them. Love is better received when it's in the language that person speaks. 

9. Words of affirmation are a love language for all men.

10. Men are born to be leaders. He cannot lead unless she gives him the confidence to do so. If you love your husband, build him up. Confident men do not seek love outside the home.

And after all that love and all that hard work... they lived happily ever after. 

Forever.

"What might be holding you back"

Over a lovely cup of shaved ice and a nice discussion about dating and "men," I was given a list of 15 things that "might be holding [me] back" in the dating world.

The things about me are:

1. Creeper

2. Awkward advances

3. You don't know how to talk to guys you like

4. Too much of a romantic

5. Going about getting a guy like you're a child still

6. Too tall for some guys. Meh.

7. Intimidating (Pretty girl). Not to [Ricky] though. 

8. Eye contact

9. Too hung up on guys that have no interest in you.

10. White girl dancing

11. Home wrecker

12. Mormon

13. Not mormon enough.

14. Going to Ricky for advice.

15. You love me (Ricky)

Obviously these are meant to be fairly humorous and contain a few inside jokes but.. who knows? Maybe a few lessons can be learned.

30-second-eternity

I have this frustration with meeting new "men"/dating. 

Why?

Because my mind has been trained to make an instant judgment on them-- could I potentially marry them some day or not? 

HATE.

It has been trained in my mind over and over and over again.... MARRIAGE! Must get married. Must find that perfect someone. Must must must because it is what I am supposed to do.

Geez can't I just have some fun getting to know people? Can't I just view someone as a friend rather than first analyzing them as marriage material?

*exasperated sigh* 

Oh baby let's frolic and play

I have this intensely uncomfortable reaction to the words "frolic" and "play." 

When I think of those words I image children running through a field having fun. 

But I also feel they have a slightly inappropriate connotation with them. 

"Let's frolic and play!" That's what she said.

Ew. 

Sorry my dear lovely guy friends that I love so much who tell me that we should play some time. 

I promise I still love you.

What's in a BF?

And no, I'm not talking about a boyfriend. Although...... now that I think about it that would be a fantastic topic for later on. 

I realize that my latest trend for blogs has been on relationships but I hope you don't mind if I throw one more (at least) post out there about them.

I've spent a lot of time recently reflecting on relationships and why they exist and all that they entail and require. 

Here is what I think a best friend is...

in addition to trust, service, love, and a willingness/genuine concern that enables one to listen to someone's 15 minutes (or more) of stress relieving venting each day or a 2 hour ramble on the topic of a guy/girl who they are ridiculously in like with...

Here is what I have quickly come up with:

BEST FRIENDS

And I pluralize "best friends" because it is my belief that one may have multiple best friends or at least a portion of a best friend in a number of friends.

A best friend is:

...Someone who will dye your hair blue and black and then allow you to dress up and go out in public with them even if they think you look ridiculous.

....Someone who will kidnap you for an afternoon and make you climb to the top of a stairwell and then proceed to sing at the top of stairs with you while appreciating the fantastic acoustics. 

.......Someone who will spend hours in a beyond grungy bathroom with you chipping out flooring and revealing tile under a thick layer of grime.

......Someone who will sweat with you in a raunchy smelling room while scraping "popcorn" texture off ceilings for an entire afternoon

.......Someone who will sit in line with you for an entire day for a stupid movie and spend hours dressing up for it.

.......Someone who will spend a morning modeling for an amateur photo shoot.

........Someone who will go on temple trips with you and ditch the crowds while throwing the world around the field.

.......Someone who will not only attend your Harry Potter party but arrive fashionably and read your fortune.

..........Someone who goes on road trips with you and manages to not kill anyone after a series of pickles.

...........Someone who doesn't laugh at your first snowman and the huge rip down the back of your pants from sliding down the mountain without a sled. 

...........Someone who also believes that every unscheduled night is the perfect opportunity for crazy hair and a mess of pictures

........Someone who will spend more time preparing snacks for a movie than the actual length of the movie

.............Someone who will attract security guards with you while creepering on innocent cars

............Someone who manages to not pee their pants while fearing for their life as you're driving and then have the faith to get in a car with you again.

..........Someone who will rearrange your entire bedroom with you and then hang your stuffed panda from the ceiling. 

...........Someone who will pretend to be your parent and take embarrassing pictures before a formal dance even though you're half way through college

.........Someone who feels the need and takes the opportunity to empty your pantry into their shirts

............Someone who will spend the first class you've ever ditched building a rollercoaster wrapped around half of a physics classroom.

...........Someone who will dress up in ballgowns and go to old fashioned dances with you

.........Someone who will trust you to touch their prized hair and allow you to change it forever.

............Someone who will pull of the highway to carve their name in sandstone with you and see if the tree is chocolate, strawberry, or butterscotch

.........Someone who will spend the entire month of October visiting every haunted house you can find

.............Someone who will drive out to the desert with you and sleep in the back of a truck on a nasty mattress in the rain

.............Someone who will lock you in a port-a-pottie and then stand back and take pictures.

..........Someone who while working on the top of a tower running a zipline will have a dance party with you to We Like to Party through the rain and snow

.........Someone who will sit on the side of the road with you in the middle of August in AZ for the majority of a day and get an ambulance called for your "lifeless body"

............Someone who will create a hate/love board with you and then proceed to shoot it with arrows

..........Someone who thinks it is a fabulous idea to attend Junk Yard prom and instead of attending the dance hang out in the park and take pictures

........Someone who will volunteer their body as you practice your henna designs

............Someone who will eat a new and disgusting food with you every week even if grilled eggplant in sunflower oil wasn't the tastiest thing you've ever eaten

...........Someone who will attend a Clay Aiken concert with you even if you're the only ones in the audience under 50 years old

.............Someone who will spend their last night in 18 months with you on a picnic while talking about your dreams and doubts and fears

..........Someone who will encourage you to dye an Easter egg to represent a frustration in your life and then hand you a hammer to smash it with

...........Someone who will dress up in black with you and then run around neighborhoods leaving creepy notes

...........Someone who helps you make a fantastic dress for the final Harry Potter movie even though you only gave them less than a week's notice before it needed to be done

........Someone who when skinny dipping is suggested doesn't hesitate to throw their swimsuit on the decking and encourage you to do the same.

Really.... a best friend is an amazing number of things.

They are the ones who will go far out of their way to make you feel better even if their actions are a little over the top.

They are the ones who will encourage you to be everything good you've ever wanted to be.

They are the ones who will already be standing on your doorstep with a carton of Ben and Jerry's before your illogical Facebook post about that boy you're in love with is posted.

They're an amazing amount of big things but they're all the little things too.

And it is amazing just how much the little things count.