Loving you and only you forever and ever

‎"Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, suspecting that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too." --Daniel Handler

I think that everyone has the fear that they'll be alone forever... not necessarily alone but that they will never find that one person they are looking for who will love them unconditionally with their entire hearts forever and ever. 

And part of us believes that... that we really will be alone. But we've also probably heard something along these lines and if you haven't before, you're about to:

"I am certain that all of us deserve nothing less than a happily ever after that never ends. The number one thing I look forward to about marriage is wrapping my arms around my wife at night kissing her on the lips and knowing I will have that opportunity forever. That it never has to end. You deserve kisses that mean something forever."

So what is it that we want? And I can say "we" because guess what? Everyone wants the same thing.

Let me make a quick list. We want someone who is:

loving

funny 

physically attractive

enjoys going out and doing activities with you

will spend a night at home relaxing with you

has high standards for themselves

easy to talk to

will accept you for who you are

romantic

good with kids

hard worker

has a good relationship with their family

patient

someone you trust

...

.. 

. 

One person. We are all looking for one person in our lives who will be that for us. 

The thing is, there are lots of people who fulfill those qualities. Lots of people who will make you happy. Lots of people who know how to put a smile on your face. 

We all want the same thing and many people can give us that same thing.

BUT (and everything has a butt)

ONE person. 

I've always had trouble understanding some relationships... people who don't want to get married because they're not sure if they want to spend the rest of their lives with one person. Or someone who hears about being with one person beyond death and makes a negative comment about how they would never want to be with the same person for that long. 

I have NEVER understood that. Until today.

Today I felt that insecurity and doubt at the idea of me being with the same person forever. I'm not scared of losing interest in my spouse.. quite the opposite. I'm afraid they'll lose interest in me. Don't get me wrong... I will not get divorced. Straight up my fiance will know that divorce is NOT an option. 

It's a thing of insecurity with one's self. I know better than anyone else on this earth the potential I hold. My faith that someone else can see that potential however is a bit unsteady. No one wants to wake up with the realization that they married a scam. That the person they married is not the person they originally saw them as-- that they're no longer sexy or funny or intelligent.. etc..

The lovely thing though is that I believe in happily ever afters. No, not believe.. I know. I know they exist. I know that it is possible to find that one person who changes your entire world. That one person who makes you forget everyone else you've ever had an interest in and ever could potentially have an interest in. That one person who you can not only talk to for hours at a time now but will always be able to talk to for hours at a time. That one person who makes it impossible to stop smiling. That one person who knows all of your faults and insecurities and quirky habits and loves you even more because of them. That one person who you fall in love with a little more with every moment you spend together.

Yes, I know there is one person for each of us. Do I have fears? Most definitely. But the thing is-- "I am certain that all of us deserve nothing less than a happily ever after that never ends." 

And I know that someday we'll get it.