Love the haters that they may have the courage to be lovers.

This is going to be another hate post. Why? I'm frustrated. With whom? Myself. 

There are 3 things that people do that absolutely frustrate me. There are probably more but 3 come to mind right now.

1. I don't like it when negative comments are made about another person. Heck, just negative comments in general. They're ridiculously depressing and something that I have run away from and yet, I've realized that I've started doing it myself again. There is absolutely no point in drawing attention to the negative. Nothing good comes out of it. And yet we all do it. Why? I'm really not sure. Here's part of an article that gives some insight whether it is entirely valid or not, I haven't decided. 

Why do some people complain about everything

"There are different reasons why people complain. For some people, complaining comes forth out of a true sense of unhappiness. They are unhappy about themselves or about their lives and they express this by complaining to others about their bad fortune. When people are that unhappy it does not really matter what happens in their lives, because they will always find something to complain about. They need to complain, because for them it is a way of coping with their unhappiness that they have learned is effective.

"This is different to the every day complaining most people do. We all complain sometimes, about little things that happen to us, like being stuck in a traffic jam or being turned down for a job. However, because most of us are not truly unhappy we do not have the need to complain all the time. When no bad events take place in our lives, we simply cease to complain. This is not the case with so-called compulsive complainers.

"People do not only complain incessantly because they are unhappy, for some complainers it is more of a bad habit that they have picked up. These are the kind of people who either just need to complain for no good reason, or they are so used to complaining all the time that they do not even notice that they are doing it. You can recognize them by their casual way of complaining. They might walk into your house and mention that traffic was a nightmare, the weather sucks, they are not feeling too well and that something in your house smells funny.

"A final reason why some people complain a lot is because it makes them feel better. These people are not necessarily unhappy people, but by complaining about every little thing that bothers them, they actually feel better. In other words, they burden other people with all their problems and worries, making those people feel bad, while they in turn end up feeling great. There is nothing wrong with complaining, we all need to do it now and again, but the trick is to not over do it. The last thing you want is to end up being known as one of those people who complains about everything."

Maybe I'm just a compulsive complainer because everyone who has spent time around me this past month has probably noticed how ridiculously happy I've been. Happy because the biggest voids in my life have been filled. The thing is, everyone could improve on focusing their comments towards positive things rather than automatically throwing out comments that even meant as a joke may hold a negative hint of truth. And with people too-- negative comments directed towards someone seem to always equal you judging them. You never know why someone does/says/wears what they do and by directing a negative comment towards them you are the one at fault. You'll never have the license to hate on someone. That's a straight shot towards an epic fail in the category of relationships. 

2. I don't like pushy people-- both being a pushy person and having someone keep pushing something at me. I think I've improved on keeping those two things to a bare minimum in my life but every once in a while I notice their reappearance. The only time I'm a pushy person is when its something I really care about that I think would benefit someone else to do. Whether that is coming to church with me or reading something or coming to some other activity, it will always be something that I have benefitted from in my own life and I see great potential for it benefitting you too. I've learned that asking/demanding someone to do one of those things is a 2 time event. I always hope someone will agree with my first request but if not I'm willing to be annoying and ask again. Why do I do this? Because if someone asks twice you know that it matters and is not just a casual request. After two times, I give up. Well, at least until a later time. If you push the issue past two times then it becomes an unnecessary conflict and its not like a third request is going to change anything. I really don't like even asking twice but sorry, I do it anyways because I care. Not because I don't understand that I won't always get my way. 

As for having things pushed at me, its something I haven't had to deal with as much recently as I've moved out and entered a much more liberal lifestyle. I think the reason I get so irritated with people pushing things at me is that I want to do things because I want to do them. Not because someone else tells me to. The more someone pushes something at me, the more I don't want to do it. That's where my rebellious side kicks in and I start fighting back simply because I don't want to do what someone is "making" me do. It goes back to the 2-time rule.. If I hear something twice, I know that it is important to whomever is telling me but past that point, its just irritating and more likely to make me do the exact opposite. 

3. I don't like guilt trips. I hope I don't put others on guilt trips because I have a firm belief that they are a highly efficient form of emotional/psychological abuse. A majority of the time, someone knows if they did something wrong and this thing called their conscience should do the trick to make them feel guilty. It is not necessary for you to dwell on the negative and constantly keep reminding them of their less-than-perfect decision. Similar to #1, nothing good will come out of pointing out the bad and continue dwelling on it. The great thing is, people can heal. They can repent and move on- even with the smallest of mistakes. Give them the benefit of the doubt and let them do so. One of my favorite talks- The Best Is Yet to Be-- discusses this concept. Here's one of my favorite parts:

"Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is that charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don’t keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone, saying, “Hey! Do you remember this?” Splat!"

Believe that people can be everything they want to be and that not only CAN they be that person but that they WILL.