I have a headache

I've had a fairly nasty headache for about 5 days now.. At times I'm distracted enough to not notice it but when it comes to class time and long boring assignments I cannot focus. It's one of those headaches that plays a symphony of mind numbing static into every corner of your mind- forcing you to hide in an environment of calming voices telling you stories or Indian lullabies sweetening the pain of falling asleep. 


It is during these periods of me being fully awake and peacefully asleep that I become the most frustrated. Frustrated that I can neither function efficiently nor allow my body to heal itself. Frustrated that all I want is my blanket and a loving touch and voice to bring me the comfort I desire. Frustrated that I lose almost all ambition to be beautiful and funny and sweet. 


It is also during these periods of time that my sarcasm and coded messages tend to start showing up. Coded messages? Yes.. I used to write them fairly often. I can pinpoint their birth to a night years ago in the Harkins parking lot while listening to a Savage Garden CD. Brianna started it-- she had text "The smeltering ooze of intelligent thought collapses into light as he screams into my mind love sonnets of hellfire and leaky faucets. Daisies and dead babies” June 23^rd 11:12 pm" It was beautiful.. What does it mean? Well, it has something to do with frustration due to a boy and 4 girls. I even started writing some lyrics with this text as the base for the chorus.. 


A week later I began my own coded messages with:
“Hell shatters forth from unseen currents spilling blood upon the sunny orange blossoms that drown me in phermonal waves of anguish and sorrow” June 29^{th
What does it mean? Who knows.. we always wrote the messages and they made sense at the time but looking back they're simply phenomenally worded lines filled with intense emotion. I can make an educated guess- Obviously I felt like my life was falling apart.. that one of the most beautiful things in this world was being drowned with thick horror. And.... it probably had something to do with a boy as such was usually the case.}

^{A late night at scout camp while taking refuge in my tent brought me this text from Brianna:}

“Coffee clouds the sky with eclipstic lethargy and tuscan seasonings of time- the laughter wasted on bitter sweet lollipops and blood stained skies” July 13^th 11:37

I have no idea what that one's about..

Or later in the school year Brianna's frustrations exploded in another coded message--

“Cells speed in sporadic spasms—destroying reason, enveloping breath. Why fight Life? Live the fears—vibrate lies. Reality beckons…” September 14^th 8:31 pm

Why did I randomly bring up these coded messaged today? Because Facebook likes to show me what I said a year ago and here's what a year ago today was for me:
"Magic spins in white acidic powder proclaiming stupidity, ticking messages, and silencing fears as irrational thought pleads for sanity."
This one is all about my dreams coming true as I spent my days covered in ceiling dust and washing grimy walls while I was being mentally destroyed from a "relationship" that I should have cut off years ago. 


As far as I can tell, it's been a year since my frustrations were released in a similar coded message. Why? Because this blog is filled with those messages. I feel the need though to express my thoughts and feelings in a short and sweet message:


Grimy dust infiltrates a lost Barbie's cover-only textbook leaving a glass half empty of a timid heart smiling.


Figure that one out.


P.S.- Yes... I do save text messages that I care about so watch what you say. Except don't because I want you to tell me everything.