Our Relationship With God

Here's the talk I gave in church today:

During the holiday period, there's a great silent emphasis put on relationships. This period is a time when families are brought together. It is a time when most try to be a little more loving to strangers. And, it is a time that for many, a solemn realization of loneliness occurs. 

So often, when we feel like something is wrong in our lives, we spend all of our time searching for a solution rather than making the necessary changes to mend the pain. On the subject of relationships, we often exert a majority of our efforts towards asking for advice or reading articles, searching for answers that will never really be found.

My advice (ironically), rather than looking for an online solution guide, is to turn to God for comfort. Turn to prayer. Turn to the scriptures. Turn to being a disciple through service. Turn to the temple for the strength and support that you desire. 

Now, when I say "turn" to God, what am I meaning?

I am suggesting that you develop a very close and personal relationship with Him.

Nephi's introductory sentence on the first page of the Book of Mormon shares that he "had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God"

That great knowledge of goodness and the mysteries of God could have only come through first developing a relationship with Him. 

Whenever I have been advised to build a relationship with God, I've imagined a very distant and formal scenario taking place. 

Such is not the case. 

A relationship with God should be like unto a relationship with your best friend. 

This type of relationship, which is a good relationship, entails having three main things:

absolute honesty

open communication

and

being unified. 

One psychologist said, "Like some people, you may find that you need to learn to be more honest and vulnerable in a relationship, and that you need to learn to believe in your own lovableness."

Personally, I think that a majority of people throw up a wall when approached by the idea of allowing yourself to be entirely vulnerable to someone else. We have this fear that we will never be perfect enough and as was just quoted, that we are not capable of being as lovable as we would hope. 

Who better then to open up our lives to than God who will never let us down or abuse that growing trust? 

The psychologist continues, "It feels good to invest in a relationship. To care. To want to share. To want to give. You may find that the best preparation you can make for marriage [and I'll add-- for any relationship] is to learn to love God and to love yourself. When you have a secure, spiritual knowledge of yourself as a child of God, you will find a sense of personal confidence and identity that makes a good relationship possible.

As we invest in a relationship with God, we will learn to trust in the safest of environments. Not only will we learn to trust in others and love ourselves, but we will be enlightened with the knowledge of the mysteries of God. 

The best part is, we can be closer to God any time we want. 

How beautiful is that? 

How wonderful is it that such a fulfilling opportunity is available to us every single moment?

One of my favorite quotes that unfortunately, I cannot remember where I picked it up from, is:

"If you pray you make God your partner. With a partner like God you cannot fail."

Think about that guarantee- "With a partner like God you cannot fail."

On this New Years Day, I invite everyone, myself included, to turn to God. I invite everyone to open up your lives to Him and turn to Him for love and guidance and by doing so, inviting the greatest opportunity in your life to take place more fully than ever before. 

Allow Him to fill any voids or pains of loneliness in your life. 

Trust God and open your soul to Him as He teaches you of an ideal relationship in which you are loved and have the confidence that you too, are indeed entirely lovable. 

President Faust suggested five ways in which we can invite this relationship:

1st: Prayer. 

2nd: Selfless service.

3rd: "A daily striving for increased obedience and perfection in our lives."

4th: "A daily acknowledgement of His divinity."

and 5th: "A daily study of the scriptures."

President Spencer W. Kimball added: “I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns”

To end, I'd like to share a scripture that I discovered a few days ago. It is not from the King James version of the Bible but is still beautifully worded and true:

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jeremiah 29:11)

I have a personal testimony of the joy and strength that can be found in our lives as we have a close and personal relationship with God. 

Let that joy and strength radiate into your life too.

What We Want

What do we want?

What do YOU want? 

Do we ever figure it out? 

How often have you seen an individual or a group follow an idea simply because it is there?

It's so much easier to live our lives just letting things happen and going along with them rather than putting forth the effort to figure something out for ourselves.

Heck, I did that the last time I voted. I abhor the static chit chat of the world. Politics. Natural disasters. War. Government spending. I just.. don't care. If that makes me seem heartless and uneducated, heck- its probably true. So when it came time to vote I looked at what my mother filled in on her sample ballot, read over it really fast to see if I agreed, and then submitted my own ballot with those same answers. 

Is that irresponsible of me? YES! Is that lazy? YES! Is that taking the time to figure out what I really want? ABSOLUTELY NOT! 

What do you think was a leading factor promoting the Holocaust?

It was people who knew what they wanted leading those who did not make a decision or were not willing to contradict a choice. 

How much easier is it to let everything around you define your life?

How much easier is it to follow in the footsteps of someone who already knows what they want?

How easy is it to simply exist and see where the wind takes you?

SUPER easy.

But that's not good enough.

No, we must figure out what it is we want.

And in order to do that,

we must figure out who we are.

I feel like the picture at the top of this post describes me pretty well.

-The shot was taken on temple grounds- I am a Mormon

-My nails are neon orange- evidence of a hint of rebellion

-I'm wearing a semi-tacky skirt with an undershirt that doesn't entirely match- my statement against a norm

-My shirt is off a clearance rack- pretty much the only way I tend to shop

-I'm creepily smiling and scaring a duck- humor is obvious

Those are some of the things that define who I am. 

Those are also some of the things that define what I want.

I want the things around me to be like me. 

I want the rules to be always good to the core but with that touch of rebellion.

I want people in my life who are ridiculous and love to smile- just like me.

I discovered this song while searching for something else today.

It has many different topics that can be pulled out but for this post, I want to focus on this:

Sometimes, we require other people in our lives to help show us who we are and therefore what we want.

Not people to follow as a replacement for defining our own rules, but someone to help us see a new perspective and point out things about ourselves that we are much more incapable of seeing on our own.

Yeah, I know that's not what the song is really about, but go with it.

Everyone is guilty of not making the decision as to what they want or who they are.

But every once in a while, a couple months have gone and your world is different-

not that you forced those changes, but that they simply happened while you were riding the current.

Sometimes they're good.

Sometimes they leave things to be desired.

Whichever, it's always a good idea to take a few minutes ever so often and think.

Think about what you want.

Think about who you are.

And think about why any of that matters.

Why Mormons Get Married Quickly

There's an ongoing (and entirely justified) joke about Mormons getting married very quickly.... 

Well, here's a big reason why--

Most Mormons have the same core basics defining who they are.

"For a relationship to work, the core values must be the same for both people.

At some stage, when you know deep down that you both have the same intentions, the same goals, that your values are in agreement with theirs, you can make the jump to completely trusting the other.

When there is no fear of attack, self-expression is no longer a risky action; instead, it allows you to reveal your true self. It is like dancing barefoot; if there are tacks on the floor, even one or two, it’s impossible to leap freely, but when the floor is clear, you can soar with no limits."

That floor is already quite clear and therefore removing any stray items takes less time than it would for two people working towards a relationship from different backgrounds and beliefs.

Think of a Mormon right now.. what do you know about them?

Do they attend a 3-hour block of meetings every Sunday?

Do they get together Monday nights for family home evening?

Do they abstain from work and spending money on Sundays?

Do they smoke, drink alcohol, have tattoos, or participate in obscene entertainment?

Does their life have an emphasis on families?

Are they hard workers that are furthering their education in some field?

Are they financially stable with good spending habits?

Do they spend time serving others?

Are they true Christians who display their belief in Christ through love?

Are they physically healthy?

Chances are, the answer for each of these questions will be the same for a majority of the people that come to mind.

When your lifestyles and basic beliefs and habits and goals are already in sync with each other, a spark of attraction can easily be worked into a hot flame. 

It's like being tested from a newer edition of a textbook you've already memorized.

Already solid with a few variations.

The Season of Service

I've hated Christmas for several years now..

I hate all the unfortunate family episodes that seem to occur around Christmas.

I hate the emphasis on relationships.

I hate the obsession with decorations and treats and overcrowded Walmarts and airports.

But most of all, I hate gifts.

Which.. is extremely ironic because in a group the other night we all listed our favorite symbol of Christmas and the star was already claimed so when it came to my turn my mind went blank and was relieved by a loudly whispered "gifts!" 

I hate Christmas shopping. 

It's not that I don't like buying things for other people or the excuse to do so--

It's that I don't like feeling obligated to find someone a present.

Then you have the stipulations of price and usefulness and creativity...

If I want to buy something for someone, then that's cool but I don't like making it a factor of stress.

One of my favorite things about Christmas are the Salvation Army people that stand outside Walmart ringing bells.

Usually, most individuals have quite the opposite feeling towards these people.

I love them because to me, it is an untainted Christmas tradition that has great meaning.

Growing up, my mom would always put a dollar in the tin when we'd go to the store. I never verbally questioned it but it was something that always intrigued me as a child.

Now that I'm older, I do the same. A few weeks back I went to Walmart with my mom and as I was reaching in my purse to grab a dollar, my mom was already pulling one out.

What an example.

I love the bell ringers because each time I visit the store, I am reminded of the real reason for Christmas. As I am surrounded by frantic shoppers trying to find the perfect gift, I am reminded that the perfect gift is not found with a price tag. The perfect gift is ourselves whether we are giving time or love or simply listening to someone. The perfect gift is humbling ourselves and realligning our motives and actions to be earthly angels. 

One dollar is a small cost for the joy that dollar stands for.

Why I Hate Boys

 Every once in a while... I take that back.. QUITE often you're bound to run into groups of girls that are boy haters.

One of my favorite people in the world once brought up this topic about how he knows so many girls who simply hate boys. 

Truth is, I am one of them.

Possibly even a leader... I was the one to throw an "I hate boys" party as my house prom night. We still have the posters we created sitting around somewhere..

I've been asking myself lately, why do I hate boys? 

This is what I've come up with:

-I hate boys because I have no control over them. 

-I hate boys because their lives and thought processes are far less complicated.

-I hate boys because they're unobservant and unaware of their surrounding situations and people.

-I hate boys because the world is constantly boosting their masculinity as they perform "manly" jobs.

-I hate boys because they're slaves to their physical needs whether its eating or sex.

-I hate boys because they can dispose of women will few to no consequences.

-I hate boys because they unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally) play with my emotions and leave me confused, consumed in thoughts and questions that can never be answered. 

-I hate boys because they don't have to work as hard to get the same results as women.

-I hate boys because they're selfish- always catering to what it is they want.

......

.....

....

...

..

.

This could go on for a while..

Here's the problem- a majority of the boys I know aren't these things.

My boy friends are absolutely amazing people that I admire and strive to be more like.

I enjoy spending time with them far more than I do with most girls.

To explain then why I, and many other girls, hate boys, we have to zoom out a little bit.

I hate boys as a whole because in general, I perceive them as all of those things.

This perception is a compilation of many things-- movies, ex boyfriends, failed father figures, and not taking the time to get to know boys individually-- only judging poorly from a short encounter.

It's not that I hate boys-- its that I hate what my anger and frustrations have created the term "boy" to mean.

Agree?

Our Fashion From the Capitol

I recently finished rereading the series Hunger Games. In the books, comparisons are often made between the common, natural people from the districts and the freaks from the Capitol. 

Freak: "a person, animal, or plant with an unusual physical abnormality."

The books describe the green tinted skin, gold tattoo designs, unnatural rose scent, neon orange hair, cat whiskers, unnaturally tight stretched skin....

All of these being ways people have altered their bodies.

They are portrayed as vile and repulsive and something entirely foreign.

But... that point of view comes from the districts' perspective.

Of course to them any such alteration is disgusting.

Have you ever noticed that a good portion of the United States (and other countries) follow the fashion sense of the Capital?

Lady Gaga. Enough said. 

You may have just thought, sure... there are crazies out there. There's Lady Gaga and Katy Perry and Pink and the hundreds of people in celebrity magazines that wear those hideous dresses that are anything but attractive.

But news flash... the Capitol's fashion trends have been adopted by most people in one way or another. 

This occurred to me during a 3-hour hair appointment I took part in a couple weeks back. 

It was the first time I've had my hair dyed at a salon and it really could go without saying that during those three hours I had plenty of people to observe. 

And ya know what? I was disgusted with myself. 

I looked at all the people that came in that I've spent my life criticizing and judging and I realized I was allowing myself to become like them.

There was a man who got a simple hair cut and frosted tips who spent the entire time on his phone with various people including a conversation about how he could either have a 2-bedroom apartment with no garage or a 3-bedroom apartment with a garage. 

There was a woman who I'd guess is in her late 60's who was very precise in her instructions because if the length in the back wasn't exactly right her hair got poofy. Oh, and add some more highlights.

There was a teacher who has beautiful naturally curly hair who had her hair straightened and then spent the next half hour kindly requesting a half inch change in length here, and a few more layers there...

I wanted to jump out of my chair and dramatically throw my arms up and yell, "Don't you get it?!!!! There is SO much more to life than THIS!!!"

But I was silent and returned to reading the final Hunger Games book, ironically enough.

Can you see how our fashion trends can be so completely repulsive? 

Can you see how spending hundreds of dollars on your hair or diet pills or designer clothing is so completely wrong? 

Can you see how focusing your time and efforts on making yourself "attractive" whether it is getting the perfect hair cut or dye job or perfectly filed nails or the right curve to your eyeliner or working out for the purpose of looking like a model rather than health or bleaching your teeth 3 shades lighter or finding the perfect shade of blue to match your eyes is somehow wrong?

 

I think this girl is down right hott. Its not a secret that I'm absolutely taken by emo styles. I love the color and cut of her hair. I love her simple black finger nails. I love the gentle fade of her eye shadow that gives her eyes depth and opens them up and gives her wings to fly.

But she is from the Capitol. She is the enemy of everything good and pure and from home.

She's hott, but not beautiful.

She's sexy, but untouchable. 

She's not what anyone really wants.

 

But this woman, is beautiful. 

Guaranteed, her face is still covered in makeup to smooth out her skin, but she is, for the most part, natural.

She is the woman that someone would love rather than wear as decoration.

She's beautiful, not hott.

She's touchable, and still sexy.

She is who we really want to be.

So why take on the fashion sense of the Capitol?

To be noticed.

To gain attention.

To be coveted.

But those are the steps that Capitol fashion models take to become a beautiful woman.

The want someone to see them as beautiful, so in order to do so, they jump through these hoops to get someone to notice them.

They want someone to love them, so they attempt to make themselves irresistable. 

"Love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired."

I'm not sure how true that quote is.. I've always loved it. I actually just bought a plaque with that written on it to hang up in my home. Is wanting to be irresistably desired, love?

I don't know the answers.. I don't know why so many people find it necessary to adopt a Capitol fashion sense. I don't know why it is so widely accepted. I don't know if it is truly wrong to adopt that fashion sense. I don't know where the line is between simply taking care of yourself and being attractive compared with taking it to a repulsive point. I just know that right now, I am repulsed by my highlights and yet everyone else loves them. Not that they're necessarily bad.. but they're the Capitol. 

I just don't know.

The Spherical Solution

A month ago I wrote a post titled My Life As a Triangle. I ended it with this:

"Well, how are the two O's supposed to form a companionship? The point of having a companion is that each of you complete what the other is not. You fill the voids in their lives and help them grow. You cannot be your own entirely separate person, already perfected to work in a companionship- you must be able to flop, bump, bounce, and roll together."

I realize that our role in a relationship is not to be there to fill another's voids. They have to do that themselves but like I said above, in a companionship you do complete and compliment each other. It was pointed out to me tonight (now last night because my stupid internet quit working) that in a two dimensional world, of course circles cannot be together. However, circles can be combined in a greater dimension to form a sphere. I can't believe I missed that. How beautiful is it that by combining two forms of perfection, they can further create a higher dimension of perfection together? 

How often have we limited ourselves because of this two dimensional perspective? 

Viewing situations and lives in various dimensions takes me back to a short story I read a few years ago in what was probably my favorite class at ASU (although my crying over those awful "thesis" papers didn't quite point to that conclusion). 

The class was an honors human event course with a science focus. For once in my life I actually felt challenged in a topic I enjoyed. We read things like Origin of the Species and works from other great men like Copernicus, Decartes, Galileo, Newton, Freud, and Fukuyama. We studied genocides, the double helix, narcissism, self deceit, superposition, and evolution. 

Luckily, my genius past self was intelligent enough to save all of these electronic readings which I just now decided to indulge myself on once more.

Some of these documents I found more interesting than others. The brainwashing of Nazi leaders is of more interest to me than Vermeer's paintings..

The piece I fell in love with and read multiple times simply because I enjoyed it is titled Flatland: A romance of many dimensions.

It's fairly long, about fifty pages, but I highly encourage you to read this. For one of the papers I wrote in the class, I chose this text as the basis for my reasoning. Reading over it again, I can see where my writing style and abilities have grown drastically. Quite possibly due to these blog posts. 

To give a quick summary of the plot, a square is approached by a sphere which attempts to teach the square of a third dimension. It's the science version of A Christmas Carol. Kinda. The story line moves through multiple dimensions- from the point who cannot even comprehend sound (since a 0-dimension point is literally its entire world) to a line who comprehends sounds but cannot comprehend the motion of moving side to side, to a square who does not understand how the sphere can pass through the square's world, to the sphere doubting the existence of a fourth dimension. Each example of a lower dimension seems to us an obvious answer and explanation as to how another dimension exists but when we reach the sphere attempting to comprehend a fourth dimension, we can only create analogies- it is impossible for us to truly comprehend a dimension greater than our own.

My argument: Analogy is not the key to accepting, but to understanding. Only with first hearing, seeing, and then understanding through an analogy was the square able to comprehend physically existing in a three dimensional world. Even so, when he is placed into the sphere's three dimensional world, the square states that, "Either this is madness or it is Hell" to which the sphere replies that, "It is neither. It is knowledge" (43). Due to the fact that the square first understood the existence of a world with three dimensions before entering that world, after his first moment of shock he quickly accepted the idea that he had previously learned. Through the sphere's analogy that caused understanding of another dimension, the square was able to "look and behold a new world" (43).

My point with all of this is that how often do we view our relationships in a two dimensional world? 

How often do we become frustrated that something doesn't fit right or cannot possibly exist, no matter how much effort we put into it because we want it to work?

Well, with a third dimension those things can exist. 

What creates that third dimension? 

The answer is simple:

God.

Two perfected circles cannot be together as they should be without someone with a greater understanding to introduce them to a third dimension.

Sure, we can hear about it. We can see a change. We can create analogies. 

Those things can help us to understand. 

But it takes something more to truly BE.