I fell in love with this line when I saw Captain America in theaters. It also makes me hate the ending of the movie so much more.
I love the way it captures the idea of a simple love.
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I started this post over a year ago and what is written above is as far as I've ever gotten with it. I've probably looked at it 50 times, trying to decide where I wanted to go with it, looking for some inspirational thought, always coming up blank.
Now I know.
As I was swinging back and forth on a barstool Saturday night, roommates all gone, silent except for old-fashioned love songs by Frank Sinatra and The Carpenters, surrounded by candles, eating Nerds and burning my mouth on delicious hot chocolate, editing pictures and dancing around the kitchen.. I was text messaging a friend who offered someone she knows for a NCMO. After I messaged back that I was done with NCMOs for a while, the message of Captain America's words made so much more sense.
It occurred to me that my reply was the first time that I was entirely content. I wasn't looking for a NCMO or clinging on to the past or worried about the future. Like Captain America, I discovered that I was finally at peace. Much has happened in the past few years. Good things and bad things but looking back now, they "don't seem to matter much." They were important at the time but something has clicked and I'm entirely content to wait for "the right partner."
And isn't that how it should be? You have so much drama but hopefully some day you will reach that point when none of it matters anymore and you know exactly what you want and are ready waiting for it.
And unlike the stupid ending of Captain America, you actually get the girl.
I felt a desire to write a little bit tonight but didn't find any drafts that I was particularly interested in at the moment so I thought I would share some thoughts on gratitude.
10 years ago the current president and prophet of my church (Monson) gave a talk called An Attitude of Gratitude and I really like a couple paragraphs and would like to share:
"This is a wonderful time to be living here on earth. Our opportunities are limitless. While there are some things wrong in the world today, there are many things right, such as teachers who teach, ministers who minister, marriages that make it, parents who sacrifice, and friends who help. "We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues." ~Thomas S. Monson
I really like the idea of First World Problems in the sense that I can jokingly point out people focusing on the negative without hurting their feelings. There is so much to be grateful for but we're often trained to focus on the things that are wrong instead. How often do you hear '50% of marriages survive' instead of '50% of marriages end in divorce'? Just like someone who is 25% black or indian affiliates themselves with those races, we focus on the minority. There could be 95% right about a situation but the part we spend our time talking about is not praising that 95% but complaining about the other 5.
Here are some of the 95% things (and much lower) in my life that I am grateful for:
-a car that runs, gets good gas mileage, and that I never have to worry about someone stealing -the mouse I caught by hand in my living room and now get to watch instead of having to pull it out of a trap -gray sweat pants that are the most comfortable article of clothing I've ever owned -a cell phone to send out PG booty-call texts -my family who makes me feel like I somehow fit in this crazy world -my friends who tell me about my life as it is -a college diploma that fills a spot on my bookcase and keeps the shelf dust-free -hydrochloric acid that keeps me entertained when I'm walking along a boring limestone contact -blackout curtains that make me sleep in until 10 and feel like I'm in WWII -What's Your Number for unplanned nights when I need to believe in untraditional love -PopTarts that offer me sugary carbs with little to no work required -my camping gear that has never let me down, even on the coldest, wettest nights with the rockiest ground -you. People reading my blog who answer my cry to the world that I need to be heard
Have a great Thanksgiving.
Focus on the good percentages, even if they too are the minority.
I think everyone, girls especially, see little pieces of their lives in fairytales-- that's what makes them so appealing, that they could be you.
My Disney princess I used to identify with was Ariel.
She was young, naïve, and ready for a different world. She didn't really belong where she was and no one understood that she needed to be somewhere else.
My life has changed, like everyone's does eventually.
I just took a Disney princess horoscope quiz to see what princess I am and I got the result of
Alice: "Alice may be full of imagination, but that imagination comes from being observant, analytical, and a skeptic of what she sees."
I've never liked Alice in Wonderland. I think it is a bizarre story that should be used for studying, not for children.
I do, however, very much like Rapunzel and it is her story that I want to share thoughts about.
Our main introduction to Rapunzel's character is during the song When Will My Life Begin as she goes through her daily routine. This girl is incredible. She has such a pure, unselfish personality and has become proficient in doing so many things: reading books, cleaning the tower, sewing, knitting, painting, candle making, ventriloquy, pottery, chess, ballet, paper-mache, baking, darts, puzzles, guitar........ and yet, it is repetitive and she's not going anywhere. She's stuck in the same tower doing the same things over and over and over again. They're good things and she's developing a lot of really great skills, but viewing the big picture, she's stuck.
To use her exact words:
Stuck in the same place I've always been And I'll keep wondrin' And wonderin' And wonderin' And wonderin' When will my life begin?
This girl is doing everything she is supposed to but she's reached a point where she can't go further in her life without someone else. This is where the smoldering Flynn Ryder comes into the picture.
Rapunzel: "Who are you and how did you find me?" Flynn Ryder: "I know not who you are or how I came to find you but can I just say.... hiiiii"
Their unlikely meeting is comical and entertaining but it starts a very new chapter in Rapunzel's life, both for herself personally and for the two of them together.
Flynn's a little boyish and carefree but they reveal pretty quickly into the movie that he has a genuinely good character beneath all of that.
The next part I want to add to this story is a conversation between Rapunzel and her "mother." I think its one that most of us have heard a time or two (minus the blatant emotional abuse). I know I have. Rapunzel is falling in love but the fear is that Flynn is only in it for the crown. And in a lot of stories, he's in it for just that. A crown can a be a lot of different things.
Rapunzel: [about Flynn] I think he likes me. Mother Gothel: Likes you? Please, Rapunzel, that's demented!/ This is why you never should have left!/Dear, this whole romance that you've invented / Just proves you're too naive to be here./Why would he like you? Come on now, really./Look at you-you think that he's impressed?/Don't be a dummy, come with mummy./Mother... Rapunzel: [retorts] No! Mother Gothel: No? Oh. I see how it is. Rapunzel knows best; Rapunzel's so mature now./Such a clever grown-up miss./Rapunzel knows best. Fine, if you're so sure now,/Go ahead and give him this, huh? [hands Rapunzel the satchel with the crown inside] Rapunzel: How did you... Mother Gothel: *This* is why he's here! Don't let him deceive you!/Give it to him, watch, you'll see!/Trust me, my dear, that's how fast he'll leave you./I won't say I told you so!/No, Rapunzel knows best!/Well, if he's such a dreamboat,/Go and put him to the test!/If he's lying, don't come crying/Mother... knows best!
Ah, the falter of trust point. Doesn't almost every relationship have it? It's that moment when you think you know the person, you've built so many bonds together, but there's still that "what if" question. Luckily for Rapunzel, the first guy she met turned out to be a good one. When she eventually gives him the crown he's not even interested in it anymore.
This leads us to my favorite cheesy part of the movie. They're sitting on the boat waiting for the lanterns to be lit when Rapunzel expresses her fear:
Rapunzel: I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be? Flynn Rider: It will be. Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then? Flynn Rider: Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.
I LOVE THAT. Whether our dream is watching the floating lanterns or finding a guy like Flynn, it's a scary thought that maybe when it finally happens it won't be everything you ever hoped for. I think that's what we all prepare ourselves to happen though so maybe the real fear is that it will be everything we ever dreamed of. Then we get to find a new dream.
I love the lyrics to this song. I know the scene gets a little bit cheesy, especially when they start singing together, but I really love the message it contains.
Finally, after all the years they've been blind to what life could offer and what was waiting for them, they're finally able to see the big picture. Why everything else had to happen to get to that point. It finally makes sense.
Just watch the video and listen to the words.
I love that this wonderful girl finally got what she deserved in the end. In 48 hours she went from being stuck in the same place to finding her fairytale. It's beautiful and I really do believe that such stories exist. I believe that those girls stuck in towers will have a Flynn Ryder randomly appear through the window.
I think Flynn ends the movie off perfectly with a single statement:
One of my goals this summer was to finish watching all the episodes of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix.
I succeeded.
For each show I like on TV I have a different interest or purpose in watching it.
I enjoy Big Bang Theory for its nerdy jokes.
I enjoy Once Upon a Time for its semi-organized complexity.
For How I Met Your Mother-- I enjoy the relationship lessons. I'm fascinated learning how each character develops and handles the hundreds of relationship scenarios that are presented each season.
Most of all-- I'm fascinated learning how Ted Mosby handles his relationships. The show has done a good job in creating a group of characters that are relatable to each viewer's life. The character I see myself in is Ted Mosby. He's a genuinely good guy who is looking for the right girl and just can't catch a break. He's educated, successful, attractive, sincere, full of not-always-so-witty jokes, and is always the one there to get your back.
In the show Ted meets a woman named Stella and falls in love with her. They get engaged and she ends up leaving him at the alter because she's still in love with her ex-husband. Though the episodes as Ted heals from this, I copied down lines he said that I found of particular interest and piecing them together now, I think they make a pretty educative story.
Quote #1: When Ted goes to angrily confront Stella and her husband, but decides not to---
"Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option-- you can just let it go. And only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward. And that kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn't mine. Mine was still out there, waiting for me."
Quote #2: Ted talking to students in his architecture class.
Ted: "What does being ready even mean? I thought I was ready last year and I ended up getting left at the alter. I'll be honest guys, I'm a little scared."
Lewis: "We're all scared Professor Mosby."
Betty: "Doesn't being scared let you know you're on to something important?
Ted: "Yeah, I mean, if you're not scared you're not taking a chance. If you're not taking a chance then what the hell are you doing? Right?"
Quote #3: Giddyups is a bar with desperate cowgirls.
"I don't want Giddyups. I want that. I forgot what it feels like to chase the real thing. I think I'm ready again."
Quote #4:
"I think you start to recover the moment you meet that person who gets you back in the game"
I loved hearing these realizations that Ted has as he heals from his break-up. Even though he is hurt and scared and unsure of where to go.. he still plays the game. It requires letting go. It requires taking a chance. It requires the not wasting your time on fluff instead of the real things. It requires finding something new to hold onto.
Way to go Ted Mosby.
If you're a Robyn character you buy another dog. If you're a Barney Stinson you stop being sad and start being awesome instead. If you're a Ted Mosby you follow your hopeless romantic side and just keep moving.
I just finished watching the movie Marley and Me. I've heard good things about it but I was blown away by how sincerely real the story was. It wasn't just another cliché movie family.. it was real.
There were the funny parts, the tense moments, the romantic swoons.... but what really caught my attention was a clip a couple minutes long of a monologue piecing together clips of their life.
I laid on the couch in my tacky plaid pajama shirt, draped under the same dull brown blanket that's made a permanent residence on my bed for half my life, wrapped around a stuffed alligator and thought, I WANT THAT. At that very moment I wanted nothing more than to go grab a boy and rush off and marry him and have that wonderful and awful adventure for myself.
It made me think of the song Marry You by Bruno Mars that I've copy/pasted onto different blog post drafts for a year now, never knowing where to place it.
I hate that song. Absolutely hate it. I hate the casualty it places on marriage. Hate the temporary second-handed thought.
But I love listening to it. Yeah, yeah, the music is pretty catchy but what gets me is that, like today, I have those moments when I just look at someone and think, Hey.. I think I wanna marry you.
It's nothing serious.. just a fleeting thought sparked by random moments but can you see the appeal and craving for that moment? That instantaneous happiness and excitement?
I love that image in my head. It makes me want to throw my arms up in the air and dance in the rain with a smile so big I can hardly breathe from sheer joy.
I can't even imagine how amazing the real thing must be.
This post is from one of the drafts I've had sitting around for months but never known where to go with. It's a quote by Freud that I liked and I've decided to relate it to temporal preparation for marriage.
"When making a decision of minor importance, I have always found it advantageous to consider all the pros and cons. In vital matters, however, such as the choice of a mate or a profession, the decision should come from the unconscious, from somewhere within ourselves. In the important decisions of personal life, we should be governed, I think, by the deep inner needs of our nature." ~Freud
I already talked a little bit in another post about how at times relationships are a feeling rather than logic. I think this quote backs that idea up quite well. But what about the "decision[s] of minor importance"?
There are a lot of skills that come in handy in a marriage that the person you're dating may or may not have:
-Budget skills- knows how to set up and follow a budget, handles money well.
-Education- whether formal or informal.
-Job- source of income.
-Health care/nutrition/exercise- healthy habits.
-Household skills- cleaning/keeping up the house.
-Sewing/clothing care- knows their way around fixing and creating basic things.
-Food storage- prepared for emergencies.
-Basic car skills- tire changing, basic idea of how cars work and what to do when they don't.
-Work ethic- knows how to work and choses to do so.
-Emergency preparedness- has plan of action whether the emergency is physical or financial.
-Manage time- uses time in a profitable way.
It's not necessary that one has all of these skills but they definitely come in handy in a marriage. You read the list and think yeah, yeah those are all good skills to have. Sounds like a good idea. Here's the thing- preparation precedes performance. We gots to be preppin' now.
Test yourself:
What are you currently doing to prepare for the temporal needs of your future family?
What are things that you need to work on?
I looked at that list and thought Easy-peasy lemon squeazy..
I'm working on budgeting and being better at saving money.
I'm working on household skills as I clean my house each week and take on those responsibilities.
I'm working on education as I give myself new projects selling things online or re-doing a porch swing.
I'm working on eating healthier and learning to cook now that I have a little extra time on my hands.
Then I started actually writing it down and I've still got a long way to go. Never until the past couple months of my life have I ever felt like I wasn't enough. I've always been the one to push to the top of my activities and then wait around bored while everyone else caught up. That sounds super prideful and arrogant of me but that's how I've always felt... so far ahead that I always have to wait for others to catch up.
But I have so much still to learn. So much still to build into my life.
I have no idea about cars. I know how to check the oil and I've seen a few tires changed. That's about it.
My emergency preparedness is slim to none.
Those are things I get to work on and learn.
And that's the key. A willingness to learn.
No one is going to have all of those skills. Those are things that take time that you can always continue to develop in a marriage. So those "decision[s] of minor importance" are really kind of minor. They're so good to have but in the big picture what is most important is that the person you're looking for doesn't necessarily have basic car skills but has the willingness to learn some day.
Just for kicks and giggles I read a 2010 special edition of the New Era today titled Dating for Beginners. Most of the information was fairly irrelevant to myself personally but a nice refresher on the dating scene that I've been discussing with my EFY kids all summer. There was however, an article I really liked called Is Dating Dead?
This article discusses the change in our world from dating to hanging out. Why is dating a dying thing? Because of what some like to call the Instacouple Phenomenon.
When someone goes on a date it is almost as if that date marks a point of exclusivity.
Think about it in your own life-- if someone asks you out do you often first try to decide if you could see yourself dating them before you answer yes or no?
I sure do. If I want to get to know someone I first stalk them on Facebook then make sure I just happen to show up at the same activities and be in the same groups that they are. A drive past their house or a informative conversation from a friend isn't a bad idea either. I may start up a conversation at a group activity or strategically place myself in a way that they will start one with me. Then I invite them to a game night or a party I'm hosting. And THEN.. THEN a date might be in order.
But would I ever ask them out on a date or accept one without hesitation before all of those steps?
Ehhh.......... maybe.
If you even go on a date at all it seems that the first date is pretty much the only chance you get. A second date is getting pretty serious..
That's not how it should be! Dating is supposed to be a casual and fun way to get to know people.
Unfortunately, we have this fear of committing to a 3 hour period with someone without being able to define it as something more serious than it really is.
The article lists 4 contributing factors that are killing the dating scene:
1. Our culture is slaughtering the idea of commitments. Dating is a commitment, hanging out is not.
2. The tradition of men taking the lead is being stomped on by women who see themselves as too strong and independent to let in some chivalry.
3. TV loves to portray hanging out and the new best thing.
4. The expectations and requirements of a date have sky rocketed.
Seriously, just read the article. It's short and sweet.
I have a dream... that some day I can go on a date (yes, I'd love to actually go on dates every so often!) and have it be just what it is-- a date.
