The Vision to Do

I've pulled this draft up on my screen at least ten times in the past month and it is time I actually get it written. 
This post originates from 4 different parts of my life-- church meetings, How I Met Your Mother, Once Upon a Time, and an old roommate. It began with one but every few weeks another thought was added. 

It all started a few months back at my friend's talk in church she gave when she returned from her LDS mission. The thought that got through to me was that we have to hear and do sometimes before we can see. It's that act of trust, or faith, that gives us the power to run confidently toward an unseen future. We're not guaranteed an outcome nor do we necessarily even know where we want to end up but it is all a process of learning that must take place by making an effort. That thought was solidified with another church meeting in which Elder Kopishka said, "Learning by faith is another word for learning by doing." Another friend left on his mission during this same time period and his farewell talk at church was based on "the vision to do." I loved how well that phrase summarized my thoughts. It's not "the vision to succeed" or "the vision to finish" but it's the idea that you can see the potential in simply acting and working- even if that's all you can see.

As I was searching for an image to accompany this post I stumbled over something I've become very familiar with as I've added How I Met Your Mother to my list of loves in my life. 

Intervention.

In the series, any time one of the group gets a little too carried away with something, the other members hold an intervention in which they bring up the problem and offer their help to solve it. 

I like the idea of taking a moment to throw up a big "Intervention" sign in our lives. In the case of this blog post, sometimes we become far too complacent with ourselves and we need to take that moment to pause for a minute for a personal intervention. We need that time to evaluate ourselves and our own potential and happiness and ask ourselves is there more? Do I have the vision to do?

We have to want it. 

"Do" is an action word and it's not going to matter much if we're still lounging around with our past and present. We have to want something out of our future and really want it.

I really liked a line that Rumpelstiltskin says to Regina in Once Upon a Time. He's an evil sorcerer who is training her in using dark magic. Here's what he has to say:

"So long as you harbor foolish notions of bring back the dead, so long as you live in the past, you'll never find your future. Teaching you is a waste of time."

We can't just keep sitting around reminiscing on how great our life was and how much we want to be that happy again. We have to accept that life has happened and now we have the opportunity for something new and incredible and then push ourselves to go out and find it. 

One of my old roommates had a poster stuck to her wall that if I remember right was a Mary Kay poster. It had cut-outs of many pictures and words that formed her goals and dreams for her life some day and it was her motivation to accomplish those things. It gave her the vision to do.

What a great opportunity we have every moment of our lives to have the option of stopping our normal cycle and sitting down and figuring out where we're at and where we can be. We have the opportunity to take on the challenge of being something more, even if we have no idea what our final goal is. All is takes is a step at a time, knowing that being active in the things that matter most will bring us the greatest happiness and will refine us into people beyond anything we ever thought realistically possible. 

The vision to do.

See it.

Sidestepping Love

During the middle of my busy summer I had a couple hours free on a Saturday and went with a few friends to see Brave at the theater. My complete exhaustion became apparent when I started bawling the moment I was afraid the mom wasn't going to turn back into her human form. If you haven't seen the movie (spoiler alert!), the mom and daughter don't get along and the mom gets turned into a bear. During this time the daughter and mother are able to work through their frustrations with each other and develop a close relationship. 

I really liked this idea of unintentionally developing a love for each other. When they were both human, this love was forced but by creating a situation in which they had to depend on each other in a world separate from their normal lives, this bond developed naturally. 

It isn't every day that someone in your life turns into a bear but there are relationships that build in this way all the time. For me this past summer, I was able to develop very close relationships with a few guys because we worked together as co-counselors at EFY. Our jobs worked as a distraction, taking away developing a relationship as a main objective and allowing the agenda it provided to be our focus while that love and relationship naturally grew on the side. 

It's totally the same thing as hanging out with your bear mom.

I copied down a line I liked off of HIMYM a few months back onto this post:

"Friendship is an involuntary reflex. It just happens. You can't help it."

I like that idea.. that when you're not trying to force something, especially something as important as friendship, it develops naturally and beautifully. 

I also like the twist I added to this post today while looking for an image to go with it---

We can love by learning to see someone perfectly instead of only looking for perfection in the first place. I'm far from perfect and that's why I need others to take the time to see my imperfect self perfectly and love me for that.

As I assess this concept in my own life I am able to add my own amen! to it validity. There are a couple people who I tried to force a loving relationship with which ended in failure. Once those alternative activities entered our relationship I was suddenly able to work by them side-by-side as a friend and learn to love them so much deeper than I could before. 

Whether it's your mom or a co-counselor or one of your closest friends that you never knew you could love so much, it's a great way to develop that relationship with them. 

Goodbye.suffocation.Hello.life

I just wanted to update everyone on some big news-- I'm moving to Ningbo, CHINA in February!

I'll be there until June teaching English during the week and traveling on the weekends with a company called International Language Programs (ILP).

Let me explain a little bit concerning how I got to this point. This trip is something I've had on my mind for the past couple years but never felt like it was the right time to disappear from my life here for 4 months. I was going to school and had always been determined to finish my bachelor's degree in 4 years even though I switched majors half-way through. And I did it. I completed my honors thesis in April and then finished my last class at the beginning of the summer. My entire life I intended on serving an 18-month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints after I graduated from ASU. My senior year I started dating the guy who changed that life plan. Things didn't work out and once again I became committed to the idea of serving a mission. However, before I did so I decided to go ahead and spend one more summer working for the Especially For Youth (EFY) program. During the summer my plans of going on a mission felt less certain and I felt impressed that I needed to be home for this Fall semester. I didn't know why but it was something I needed to do so I came back home from the summer with no real plans for my life. I didn't feel like I should be putting in mission papers. I didn't want a geology-related job that I'd just spent 4 years in college working towards. I just knew I was supposed to be home. My answer as to why came much quicker than I had expected and our dating relationship began effortlessly. That however, also fell through so once again I have reached the crossroads at my life with no one but myself to tell me where to go. In my mind, I have nothing keeping me at home anymore. That's how I got here.

The why of this trip is another matter entirely. I started this post with the intention of writing about my love for traveling and experiencing new cultures and people and adventures. How I crave being outdoors and being part of something new and beautiful. And that's a big part of the why of this trip. The trips I've been on, especially the ones where I felt I really got a glimpse into the culture and people, are some of the most rewarding moments of my life. However, if I'm going to be completely honest, the other half of the reason I'm leaving is because I'm running away. I'm scared of my life and who I am. I'm scared of facing reality. And I'm lost. I realize that disappearing for 5 months won't solve anything but it will give me a chance to separate myself from most of it and get a new start. It will be a time for me to learn and grow and figure out a plan for my life while experiencing and enjoying and giving to my new life in China.

I can't even express how excited I am to jump into something so completely different and new, especially for such a long period of time. I can hardly wait to see how far I can push myself in anticipation for incredible results. I plan on keeping regular updates about my life on this blog, just as I did when I went to the U.K., in order that those who love me may share in my experience and growth.

Captain America

"The last few years didn't seem to matter much.

What were you waiting for?

The right partner."

~Captain America

I fell in love with this line when I saw Captain America in theaters. It also makes me hate the ending of the movie so much more.

I love the way it captures the idea of a simple love.

-------------------------------------------------

I started this post over a year ago and what is written above is as far as I've ever gotten with it. I've probably looked at it 50 times, trying to decide where I wanted to go with it, looking for some inspirational thought, always coming up blank. 

Now I know.

As I was swinging back and forth on a barstool Saturday night, roommates all gone, silent except for old-fashioned love songs by Frank Sinatra and The Carpenters, surrounded by candles, eating Nerds and burning my mouth on delicious hot chocolate, editing pictures and dancing around the kitchen.. I was text messaging a friend who offered someone she knows for a NCMO. After I messaged back that I was done with NCMOs for a while, the message of Captain America's words made so much more sense.

It occurred to me that my reply was the first time that I was entirely content. I wasn't looking for a NCMO or clinging on to the past or worried about the future. Like Captain America, I discovered that I was finally at peace. Much has happened in the past few years. Good things and bad things but looking back now, they "don't seem to matter much." They were important at the time but something has clicked and I'm entirely content to wait for "the right partner."

And isn't that how it should be? You have so much drama but hopefully some day you will reach that point when none of it matters anymore and you know exactly what you want and are ready waiting for it. 

And unlike the stupid ending of Captain America, you actually get the girl.

Gratitude

I felt a desire to write a little bit tonight but didn't find any drafts that I was particularly interested in at the moment so I thought I would share some thoughts on gratitude. 

10 years ago the current president and prophet of my church (Monson) gave a talk called An Attitude of Gratitude and I really like a couple paragraphs and would like to share: 

      "This is a wonderful time to be living here on earth. Our opportunities are limitless. While there are some things wrong in the world today, there are many things right, such as teachers who teach, ministers who minister, marriages that make it, parents who sacrifice, and friends who help.
     "We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues." ~Thomas S. Monson

I really like the idea of First World Problems in the sense that I can jokingly point out people focusing on the negative without hurting their feelings. There is so much to be grateful for but we're often trained to focus on the things that are wrong instead. How often do you hear '50% of marriages survive' instead of '50% of marriages end in divorce'? Just like someone who is 25% black or indian affiliates themselves with those races, we focus on the minority. There could be 95% right about a situation but the part we spend our time talking about is not praising that 95% but complaining about the other 5. 

Here are some of the 95% things (and much lower) in my life that I am grateful for:

-a car that runs, gets good gas mileage, and that I never have to worry about someone stealing
-the mouse I caught by hand in my living room and now get to watch instead of having to pull it out of a trap
-gray sweat pants that are the most comfortable article of clothing I've ever owned
-a cell phone to send out PG booty-call texts
-my family who makes me feel like I somehow fit in this crazy world
-my friends who tell me about my life as it is
-a college diploma that fills a spot on my bookcase and keeps the shelf dust-free
-hydrochloric acid that keeps me entertained when I'm walking along a boring limestone contact
-blackout curtains that make me sleep in until 10 and feel like I'm in WWII
-What's Your Number for unplanned nights when I need to believe in untraditional love
-PopTarts that offer me sugary carbs with little to no work required
-my camping gear that has never let me down, even on the coldest, wettest nights with the rockiest ground
-you. People reading my blog who answer my cry to the world that I need to be heard

Have a great Thanksgiving. 

Focus on the good percentages, even if they too are the minority. 

Today, tomorrows, always.

Tangled

I think everyone, girls especially, see little pieces of their lives in fairytales-- that's what makes them so appealing, that they could be you. 

My Disney princess I used to identify with was Ariel. 

She was young, naïve, and ready for a different world. She didn't really belong where she was and no one understood that she needed to be somewhere else.

My life has changed, like everyone's does eventually. 

I just took a Disney princess horoscope quiz to see what princess I am and I got the result of 

Alice: "Alice may be full of imagination, but that imagination comes from being observant, analytical, and a skeptic of what she sees."

I've never liked Alice in Wonderland. I think it is a bizarre story that should be used for studying, not for children.

I do, however, very much like Rapunzel and it is her story that I want to share thoughts about. 

Our main introduction to Rapunzel's character is during the song When Will My Life Begin as she goes through her daily routine. This girl is incredible. She has such a pure, unselfish personality and has become proficient in doing so many things: reading books, cleaning the tower, sewing, knitting, painting, candle making, ventriloquy, pottery, chess, ballet, paper-mache, baking, darts, puzzles, guitar........ and yet, it is repetitive and she's not going anywhere. She's stuck in the same tower doing the same things over and over and over again. They're good things and she's developing a lot of really great skills, but viewing the big picture, she's stuck. 

To use her exact words:

Stuck in the same place I've always been
And I'll keep wondrin'
And wonderin'
And wonderin'
And wonderin'
When will my life begin?

This girl is doing everything she is supposed to but she's reached a point where she can't go further in her life without someone else. This is where the smoldering Flynn Ryder comes into the picture. 

Rapunzel: "Who are you and how did you find me?"
Flynn Ryder: "I know not who you are or how I came to find you but can I just say.... hiiiii"

Their unlikely meeting is comical and entertaining but it starts a very new chapter in Rapunzel's life, both for herself personally and for the two of them together.

Flynn's a little boyish and carefree but they reveal pretty quickly into the movie that he has a genuinely good character beneath all of that. 

The next part I want to add to this story is a conversation between Rapunzel and her "mother." I think its one that most of us have heard a time or two (minus the blatant emotional abuse). I know I have. Rapunzel is falling in love but the fear is that Flynn is only in it for the crown. And in a lot of stories, he's in it for just that. A crown can a be a lot of different things. 

Rapunzel: [about Flynn] I think he likes me.
Mother Gothel: Likes you? Please, Rapunzel, that's demented!/ This is why you never should have left!/Dear, this whole romance that you've invented / Just proves you're too naive to be here./Why would he like you? Come on now, really./Look at you-you think that he's impressed?/Don't be a dummy, come with mummy./Mother...
Rapunzel: [retorts] No!
Mother Gothel: No? Oh. I see how it is. Rapunzel knows best; Rapunzel's so mature now./Such a clever grown-up miss./Rapunzel knows best. Fine, if you're so sure now,/Go ahead and give him this, huh?
[hands Rapunzel the satchel with the crown inside]
Rapunzel: How did you...
Mother Gothel: *This* is why he's here! Don't let him deceive you!/Give it to him, watch, you'll see!/Trust me, my dear, that's how fast he'll leave you./I won't say I told you so!/No, Rapunzel knows best!/Well, if he's such a dreamboat,/Go and put him to the test!/If he's lying, don't come crying/Mother... knows best! 

Ah, the falter of trust point. Doesn't almost every relationship have it? It's that moment when you think you know the person, you've built so many bonds together, but there's still that "what if" question. Luckily for Rapunzel, the first guy she met turned out to be a good one. When she eventually gives him the crown he's not even interested in it anymore.

This leads us to my favorite cheesy part of the movie. They're sitting on the boat waiting for the lanterns to be lit when Rapunzel expresses her fear:

Rapunzel: I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?
Flynn Rider: It will be.
Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then?
Flynn Rider: Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

I LOVE THAT. Whether our dream is watching the floating lanterns or finding a guy like Flynn, it's a scary thought that maybe when it finally happens it won't be everything you ever hoped for. I think that's what we all prepare ourselves to happen though so maybe the real fear is that it will be everything we ever dreamed of. Then we get to find a new dream. 

I love the lyrics to this song. I know the scene gets a little bit cheesy, especially when they start singing together, but I really love the message it contains. 

Finally, after all the years they've been blind to what life could offer and what was waiting for them, they're finally able to see the big picture. Why everything else had to happen to get to that point. It finally makes sense. 

Just watch the video and listen to the words.

I love that this wonderful girl finally got what she deserved in the end. In 48 hours she went from being stuck in the same place to finding her fairytale. It's beautiful and I really do believe that such stories exist. I believe that those girls stuck in towers will have a Flynn Ryder randomly appear through the window. 

I think Flynn ends the movie off perfectly with a single statement:

She was a princess worth waiting for

Ted Mosby's Recovery

One of my goals this summer was to finish watching all the episodes of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. 

I succeeded. 

For each show I like on TV I have a different interest or purpose in watching it. 

I enjoy Big Bang Theory for its nerdy jokes.

I enjoy Once Upon a Time for its semi-organized complexity.

For How I Met Your Mother-- I enjoy the relationship lessons. I'm fascinated learning how each character develops and handles the hundreds of relationship scenarios that are presented each season. 

Most of all-- I'm fascinated learning how Ted Mosby handles his relationships. The show has done a good job in creating a group of characters that are relatable to each viewer's life. The character I see myself in is Ted Mosby. He's a genuinely good guy who is looking for the right girl and just can't catch a break. He's educated, successful, attractive, sincere, full of not-always-so-witty jokes, and is always the one there to get your back. 

In the show Ted meets a woman named Stella and falls in love with her. They get engaged and she ends up leaving him at the alter because she's still in love with her ex-husband. Though the episodes as Ted heals from this, I copied down lines he said that I found of particular interest and piecing them together now, I think they make a pretty educative story. 

Quote #1: When Ted goes to angrily confront Stella and her husband, but decides not to---

"Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option-- you can just let it go. And only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward. And that kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn't mine. Mine was still out there, waiting for me."

Quote #2: Ted talking to students in his architecture class.

Ted: "What does being ready even mean? I thought I was ready last year and I ended up getting left at the alter. I'll be honest guys, I'm a little scared."
Lewis: "We're all scared Professor Mosby."
Betty: "Doesn't being scared let you know you're on to something important?
Ted: "Yeah, I mean, if you're not scared you're not taking a chance. If you're not taking a chance then what the hell are you doing? Right?"

Quote #3: Giddyups is a bar with desperate cowgirls.

"I don't want Giddyups. I want that. I forgot what it feels like to chase the real thing. I think I'm ready again."

Quote #4:

"I think you start to recover the moment you meet that person who gets you back in the game"

I loved hearing these realizations that Ted has as he heals from his break-up. Even though he is hurt and scared and unsure of where to go.. he still plays the game. It requires letting go. It requires taking a chance. It requires the not wasting your time on fluff instead of the real things. It requires finding something new to hold onto. 

Way to go Ted Mosby.

If you're a Robyn character you buy another dog. If you're a Barney Stinson you stop being sad and start being awesome instead. If you're a Ted Mosby you follow your hopeless romantic side and just keep moving.

That's good enough inspiration for me.