As most of you have hopefully already realized, we are a product of other people.
I'm not talking about physically, although that is true too. I'm meaning personality/character wise.
I've thought about this a lot in the past few months as I am still trying to figure myself (and a few others) out. I've known for a long time that a big part of who I am is the result of what my mother wishes she would have been or done in her life. I took dance lessons as a kid (and often wish I wouldn't have quit). I started playing piano at age 5 which turned into a huge slew of instruments including violin, french horn, cello, harmonica, bells, choir.... I was always a super dedicated student, fighting for the top spots in my graduating class. My plan was always to go on a mission when I turned 21. I've had endless opportunities to travel around the world and have amazing experiences on those trips. All of these things have been or are part of my life because of a void in my mother's life that has been filled by me.
So... there's that aspect of being a product of someone else.
But I made the connection today that it's also a combination of a lot of other things I've pondered. There's the connection of purposely NOT being something that someone close to you is.
For example, I have a fairly negative view of television due to far too many memories in my life filled with the sound of a blaring television instead of human interaction. I can honestly say that television was a major factor to ruined relationships in my life. I'm also terrified of anger and try to never be angry because of poor experiences others have inflicted upon me. I also avoid even the idea of depression. My mind is always a mental game creating something new to steer myself away from that thought. These are a few of the big things that I have seen as parts of other people's lives and I don't want them in mine so I have built who I am to hopefully not include those things.
But there's at least one more aspect of being a product of someone else-
I strive to be a lot of things in my life because of other people I'm close to. I observe my mom and want to be better at serving other people as I have seen her do through her life. I spend time with Matt and realize I want to be more of a peacemaker and a people person. I'm awed by Stephannie's diligent study habits that she not only had in high school but has maintained through college. I am humbled by Brianna's selfless choices that seem to go unnoticed. I impatiently observe Tabitha's art and sewing and overwhelming amount of patience. I've been confused by Jimmy's ability to love. I've spent hours appreciating LOML's passion for music. I've laughed until I couldn't breathe over Geoff's humor. I've become exhausted just watching Leah work. I've always felt loved talking to Ricky. And I want to BE all of these things because of the positive influences I've had in my life. I want to make those parts of them a part of me.
Those are ways that we are a product of other people.
There's also the question though as to what you do when a huge void has appeared in your life.
What do you fill that void with?
There are always the temporary things that you used to do or always planned on doing before the void was first filled.
ya know... like:
watching hours upon hours of tv shows and movies
reading books and escaping to other realities (or non realities)
scrapbooking the past year of your life
volunteering/service
dedicating time to school
putting in extra hours at work
running
stalking people
house repairs
but the thing is... will all those things along with all the things you want to be due to other influences...
ever be enough?
Probably not.
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