What Heals a Broken Heart

 

Each of us heals from an unsuccessful relationship in different ways. However, there are two ways that I want to bring to light.

You see, every day I realize just how narrow minded I am. I see and understand things from my perspective and although I make a special effort to see things from others' perspectives, I had not yet realized that people heal in different ways until fairly recently.

The first way of healing that I will bring up is rather a broad subject that has a lot of variations.

It is dealing with things in person.

Let me explain better using myself as an example:

When I am hurt by another I want to hash things out with them in person. I want to understand every little detail with an explanation for each moment I now look back on differently. I want to spend tons of time with this person. Why? I'm not entirely sure. It could be because I have a special bond with them and they're the one I turn to for comfort. It could be because I'm a masochist and want to feel pain by being around this person because pain is better than feeling entirely empty inside. It could be because as I spend time with them I teach myself how to see them on a less serious level. 

That's how I operate. I have to confront the problem and resolve it entirely. I can't just put it out of my mind and hope that the next time I see that person I won't feel a punch in the stomach.

However, some people heal better through separation. It is better for them to step out of the other person's life for a while and readjust to their life prior to the relationship at which point they can reenter a more basic relationship with this person with far less emotions attached. This separation brings clarity and a new light to the situation. It shows them that they can live their lives without the other person and gives them practice doing so.

Either way (or another way/variation), there's at least one major thing that needs to happen to fully heal. Often this doesn't happen which results in lifetime heartaches.

I originally added this last part for those who were on the "dumped" side but I honestly think it applies to both people in the relationship:

In order to get over someone you have to be willing to let them go. For most people, it is SO hard to let go.

We don't let go because it scares us to be alone. We don't let go because we will miss the attention. We don't let go because we fell in love and even a remote hope that something still exists or could eventually exist is enough to drag out the suffering.

Here's a song that illustrates my point- a man who wouldn't let go.

The Man Who Can't Be Moved

Pay special attention to these lines:

"I know it makes no sense but what else can I do?
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you?

"Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

"People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world"

I guess when it comes down to it, we have to accept that no matter how ridiculously happy we were with this person, we can be that happy (or happier) with someone else. We have to trust that there is someone else out there who is perfect for us and that the person you need to let go just isn't them.

One thing's for sure, laying it out doesn't make it any easier. 

But with time and practice and patience, healing will come.

But only if you're willing to let go.