Back to business

I realize that my last couple blogs have been pretty wishy-washy.. Why? Because the passion was missing. That's the driving force between much of what I write. Passion. The things that make up who I am and are what I really care about.

So to make up for those I would like to discuss 2 things tonight.

1- Is it OK to not like someone anymore because of one little thing they do?

For example, there is a guy I know who I find attractive and interesting for a thousand different reasons. He is always smiling and making me laugh and defying "normal" and surprising me and making me think "wow." But.. he texts during church. Such a stupid little thing, but is it? That one little thing entirely changed the way I think about him. Is that rational?

I mean, everyone has their flaws and dumb little things that they do that people don't like so is it okay to just accept that this is his little irritating thing he does and still be entirely awed by him as a whole?

On the other hand, texting during church is one of the biggest red flags that I see in people. In my mind, it is HUGE. It is a sign of disrespect and makes you appear to have a very blazé opinion in the matters of church. The biggest reason this matters is that it most likely does not stop with texting during church. Most events are not isolated to a single setting or event but rather are reflections of your personality.

The way I see things, it only really matters if you're serious about this person. If you're just friends then hey, let it go-- it's their business. If you're looking for something more though-- it seems like an issue that should be addressed as simple and insignificant as it may seem.

2- I hate family relationships that are messed up. There is so much emotion involved.. Everyone seems to be more susceptible to being offended. They often fail to take responsibility for their own actions whether because of ignorance or pride. And the worst part? You can't throw it in their face because they are family. The entire point is to heal relationships rather than destroy someone further. 

So let's say you decide you don't want it in your life.. That you're entirely okay with letting go.. 

Well great.

But they're family. 

Utter frustration.

And cut to your soul pain.

Untitled dramatic novel

So... even though I know I'm super exhausted I don't want to admit it. I want to go out and have fun and get away from NAU for a few hours and fall in love. Fall in love with life. Fall in love with nature. Fall in love with new friends. Fall in love with a COW. Actually, maybe not that last one. I've realized how entirely much I enjoy being completely single right now. But if there was someone who would not throw drama and frustrations into my life I think I could give him a chance.

But that is not what this post is about. 

On occasion I enjoy going back and rereading things I've written in the past and I found a paragraph that I've been inspired to continue. It started out as a freak out on getting older combined with an explosion of drama that I usually release through writing.

I still think it's hilarious that I always told myself that I hate writing. That I hate english classes. If my teachers could only see how much I can't shut up now.

I haven't decided upon a title for this story yet as I feel it needs more development but I'm sure I'll eventually figure one out if I do indeed keep up on this story. Who knows though.. I might get bored if I feel it is severely lacking.

Chapter One: Do not try to avoid life. Just accept him head on and the fact that he is one cruel person. 

Have you ever wondered why there isn't a cute alliteration phrase for your eighteenth birthday? I mean, there's "sweet sixteen".... the day in your life where everything is a fairy-tale and you get your drivers license and you can date and you are finally free from the bondage of childhood. Is your eighteenth birthday not similar to that in some way? You've reached the legal age of adulthood. You are free to leave everything behind and be a completely new person. Want to know why there is no cute alliteration? Because the day of your eighteenth birthday is possibly one of the worst days of your life. It's the day when childish actions are inexcusable, school is no longer fun, and reality smacks you in the face. As much as I tried to avoid this day in my life, as much and I attempted to forget about it and simply make it disappear, I still got every ounce of it at full blast. 

Ants

I've spent a fair amount of time this past week studying ants. Why? Because they and I share a location during Gospel Study time. 

I just did my research on Wikipedia and various other intensely reliable websites found off of google search but I did not discover what I was searching for.

Why? 1-Because I'm too tired to care right now if I actually find the answer. 2- Because when I searched "Ant social behavior death" I just got a lot of suicide documents about Anti-Social Behavior.

So what was I trying to figure out? Well, I wanted to know how ants understood death. It's fairly often that you see ants transporting food or small rocks and twigs but I saw an ant carrying a shriveled up dead ant. And I want to know why. Maybe they eat each other. Maybe they bury their dead. Maybe there's something else going on that I can't think of right now because I'm so tired. 

I don't know.

But I did learn that the reason ants travel in lines is because they use pheromones to mark their path and the ants all follow along the pheromone path to travel between their nest and a food source.

Very interesting

Goodnight.

I'm a MORMON

When you have a problem/lack of understanding with something like a computer or school assignment or car... etc... who do you go to in search of a solution? The person who created it, right? Of course. Well then who better to answer questions about yourself and life than the person who created it?

That's right---- God.

I'm about to attempt explaining my religion and why I believe in it. I know I won't say everything the way I want to and it will probably come out disjointed but please, try to understand what I am trying to to explain. I know mormons have a lot of lingo that only they use but I will try to not use those phrases.

And ASK QUESTIONS. Seriously-- please ask questions. I want to hear what everyone has to say. I want to understand how other people see religion. Especially the LDS religion. I won't be offended. Promise.

To start off-- "mormon" is a nickname based off of The Book of Mormon. The church is actually called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. So for short I am LDS or Latter-day-saint.

We (LDS) believe in the godhead- God (or Heavenly Father), Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. We believe that they are 3 separate people who work together as one. We also believe that God and Christ have the bodies of men- that they are not just a spirit or presence.

We believe that we are responsible for our own personal sins and not for the sins of Adam and Eve or any past ancestors. We are each judged individually and are not responsible for the choices that others make.

We believe in what we call The Atonement- that Jesus Christ suffered every sin and pain and heartache and loneliness and died for everyone in order that if they have faith in him and act on those beliefs in righteous obedience they will be reunited with God in heaven. The Atonement is so much more than that too though. Because of what Christ did for me- I do not have to dwell on my pains because he has paid their price. If I sin- I can repent and move on. If I am heartbroken- I can let it go. If I screw up- I can be perfect again. If reading this you don't understand how big of a deal that is-- please, give it some thought.

We believe in what we call "the first principles and ordinances": 1- the principle of faith in God. 2- the principle of repentance. 3-the ordinance of baptism by immersion (being immersed by water) for the purpose of the remission (cancellation of a debt or charge) of our sins. 4- the ordinance of receiving the Holy Ghost- this is done by those who have the Holy Ghost already bestowed upon them passing this on to you. It's not that you have to have had the Holy Ghost passed to you in order to feel its presence- its the idea that once this is done you can have the Holy Ghost with you at all times as a comfort and guidance in your life if you are righteous rather than only some times.

We believe that men are specifically called of God to lead his church and that having the priesthood is required for men to prophesy the things of God and perform his ordinances. The priesthood is the power of God given to men in order that we may act for him.

We believe in the same church that existed in the Bible- prophets, apostles, pastors, teachers, evangelists.... We have the same church that existed in Bible times.

We believe that the power of God is on this earth. That people can "speak in tongues" and "interpret tongues" which often means that even though one doesn't speak a language they can miraculously speak it or understand it. I believe that this power is displayed in missionaries that go through training to learn new languages-- no other program has had the success in learning a new language as the missionary training centers have. We believe that men with authority can prophesy, receive revelations, have visions, and perform healings all through the power that God has given us.

We believe that the Bible is the word of God as long as it has been translated correctly. We also believe in the Book of Mormon which is an additional book of God in addition to the Bible that is a record of the righteous (and wicked) people that left Jerusalem starting in 600 B.C. and moved to the Americas.

We believe all that God has revealed to us, all that he is now revealing to us, and all that he will in the future reveal to us and that he will indeed reveal things in the future pertaining to our righteous efforts in returning to heaven.

We believe that the tribes of Israel spoken of in the Bible will some day be reunited, included the lost 10 tribes. We believe that a new Jerusalem known as Zion will some day exist in the American continent and that there Christ will return and rule. We also believe that the earth will be transformed back to its full perfection and become a part of heaven.

We claim the privilege of worshiping God how, where, and when we like and believe that all men may do the same (worship how, where, or what they choose) according to their own beliefs.

We believe in following, obeying, and sustaining (supporting or strengthening) the leaders that reign over us and the laws and rules given to us.

"We believe in being honest (free of deceit), true (loyal or faithful), chaste (abstaining from sex outside of marriage), benevolent (well meaning and kindly), virtuous (having high moral standards), and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say we follow the admonition of Paul-- We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things"

And why you may ask do I believe in all of this and more?

Well, I've asked myself that on several occasions. I've wondered if I am brain washed. I've wondered if I stay "mormon" because it is all I've ever known and I am too scared to walk away from such a huge part of my life.

I'll be honest-- there are a lot of things in my religion that I absolutely do not understand. One day though, I realized that was okay. I don't have to know and understand everything because I know and understand enough.

The thing I believe in the most-- temples. You know those beautiful white buildings that only select people can go into? Yeah those. Why? Because one of the things that takes place in temples are sealings. Sealings are when a family is joined together through the power of God forever as long as they remain righteous. Can you even imagine that? The people that you love more than anything else get to be with you forever. FOREVER. That's why LDS funerals are more fun than other funerals- because we know that some day we will see those people again. It's never goodbye. And ya know what? I KNOW that such a thing is possible and that it exists though the ordinance of sealing performed by those who have the priesthood.

I also believe in the Book of Mormon. I don't know how anyone who reads it can say it is not good and is something that Joseph Smith made up. That's just not possible. It is such an in depth book that contains so much. And its purpose? To testify of Christ. To aid all who read it in understanding and believing in Him.

The LDS religion holds so many answers and logically makes so much sense. But that's not how one knows if it is the correct religion or not. You have to put forth the effort in educating yourself in all it contains and then ask God if it is correct. And you'll feel something and understand and be at peace. It is not something that can be convinced of purely through logic and reason.

God exists. The world is filled with people who follow his example both in the LDS church and outside of it. It's a beautiful thing-- understanding your purpose and knowing that something so wonderful and perfect exists. It's more perfect than anything we could every truly understand.

Believe in miracles. I do.

Forbidden Love

I just discovered an addiction of mine. And this picture goes with it perfectly. The funny thing though is that I recently realized I also used this picture for another post. Ooopies.

So... my addiction-- forbidden love.

I'm sure it's fairly common. We all want what we can't have and why would that be any different with love?

I like to use the example of 3-year-olds. This is the age of children I like least. They're devious and you aren't even allowed to hate them because they're still little. The part I want to point out though is that at that age (more than other ages usually) they don't want something until someone else has it. Example: 3-year-old child is happily playing with a ball. You pick up their doll. Suddenly, they're upset that they can't have their doll even though they were perfectly content without it before.

This is part of my forbidden love situation. There are and have been people in my life who I never fully appreciated until they were no longer available. Forbidden loves.

Then there are also the other types of forbidden loves. The guys who are too young. SUPPOSEDLY. The ones who are too old. The ones who aren't mormon. The bad boys. The bad influences. The liars.

It seems like most of the "men" in my life fall into the category of forbidden love. There are the genuine few that I love for who they are, not because they're forbidden loves. But I honestly think that part of the draw to the rest is because I've been told I'm not allowed. I'm not saying I wasn't still attracted to them for their personalities and blah blah blah whatever happens in a relationship. I'm just saying that me being rebellious was probably part of the draw. And especially a huge reason why I find it hard to let go. It's difficult for my pride to take a defeat against my rebellious side when I finally see reason.

My biggest question with these situations is that in truth.. do I want it?

And the answer is probably no.

Plus, it scares me to let go. But that.. is for another time.

My obsession with marriage

I've always been a little bit obsessed with marriage and weddings. Maybe not always but at least in the past 5 years I have been. Before you get the wrong idea though-- let me clarify. In the beginning... I was, well, girly. I was convinced that at the age of 17 as soon as I graduated from high school I was going to get married. Ha. HAHAHAHA. 

But now, I'm realistic.. mostly. I am interested in the concepts of marriage and how they work and what they require... blah blah blah and also the pretty stuff-- mostly dresses but every once in a while I enjoy browsing engagement rings or bouquets or reception locations.

I was looking on the internet a couple weeks back for ideas and stumbled across a series of quizzes that aid men and women in the proposal/engagement/wedding process. And of course, I couldn't resist. Here are some of my results:

What kind of proposal I want:

Public proposal.

When you propose to her, she wants the world (or at least a part of it) to know! Ask her to marry you on stage at a concert or show, or find a way to pop the question to her on live TV. However you decide to do it, just make sure there's a crowd -- the more cheers, the better. Extra points for you if all of her friends and family are there to see it.

What kind of engagement ring I would like best:

She's an old-fashioned romantic, so give her an old-fashioned ring by picking one up at an estate sale or antique store, or shop for a new one that has a vintage look. Ask the salesperson to show you styles from decades past that aren't super-popular today. If you have a ring passed down from an older relative, either present her with that or -- if you think the style is more odd than charmingly old-fashioned -- have the stone removed and placed in a modern setting. She'll love that her ring has had meaning for multiple generations.


My preferred honeymoon location:

You are a Romantic Soul

You need a spot where no one can find you -- an untouched location where you and your new spouse can spend some much-deserved alone time together. What a luxury! For one of the most romantic spots on earth, book a room overlooking the caldera on Greece’s Santorini Island and watch the sun dip into the ocean every night from your private balcony. Or rent a small villa with a private pool in the hills around Montego Bay, Jamaica. Many of these homes are available with a private chef (and security guard, ensuring no one will disturb you). For an isolated and exotic destination, consider Fiji, where your room is set on stilts over the gently lapping blue sea.


Before I continue this post to where I want it to go:
Fiji.... is not the place to go on a honeymoon unless there is AC in that hut on stilts. Seriously-- that's the first thing I thought when I went to Fiji: never honeymoon here. It is far too humid. But beautiful and wonderful. If there is AC. 


So my point in this post: My views of marriage have changed once again. I just don't even know what to think some times. I am still under the firm belief that marriage can be the absolute best thing ever but... then there is divorce. 


I doubt you'll find many people who more passionately hate divorce than me. The problem is, I understand it. At times I feel like I have two personalities on this subject. There is the part of me that cannot understand why anyone should ever get a divorce. That part of me loathes the idea of divorce and is convinced that everyone should stay together because that's what marriage is-- always loving someone and working through things together. But then there's the other part of me. The part that has watched far too many marriages fall apart in front of me because of laziness and abuse. The part that has seen people entirely change personalities. That part of me has no problem with divorce. 


When it really comes down to it-- this is how I see things. You are capable of loving anyone even if they've changed from the person you originally fell in love with. BUT.. for a marriage to work, it is a two person thing. AND it requires effort. Without those two factors- there's a good chance your marriage will fail. But the thing is- if you both want your marriage to succeed, it will most likely happen. I really don't think there is anything that will prevent that as long as both people are willing to do their best to make it work and in the end, they'll be happy.


Marriage is such an enormous and overwhelming thing that sometimes it's easier to just stop analyzing it for a while.


That's why in fairytales you meet someone, instantly fall in love, and live happily ever after.


But fairytales exist


With work


And they're called marriage. 

Love at "x" sight

Everyone's contemplated love at first sight and although I have my own theories on that topic I wish to write about a variable love.. an infinite and reoccurring moment. 

I'm not entirely sure how to explain it. It is simply that something happens and you fall in love. 

Maybe they played/sang a song. Maybe they said something that especially stood out for some reason. Maybe they remembered something important to you. Maybe all they did was look at you. Maybe not even that much-- just seeing them was enough. 

And the best part--- this is not a one time thing. You get to fall in love constantly with whoever happens to make the difference. And it is wonderful and exciting and leaves you smiling.

Just imagine this with me... I've seen the same person a million times and in one moment everything changes. For a moment they're my focal point and that's all I see. They're beautiful and wonderful and adorable (see older blog) in every way.

And then the moment ends and everything is back to normal.

Until you step out of reality and into magic once again.