Holdin' back yo

Inappropriate YouTube videos shown at the beginning of classes. Profanity from teachers in lectures. Assigned project topics that are not kosher with my beliefs. Texting/playing games during church. Guys being DB to my friends. 

How am I supposed to react?

Obviously I'll react negatively but how much of that negativity and distaste am I actually allowed to display?

Ten minutes ago my teacher showed the class a video that was a mixture of all kinds of disgusting and f-bombs. Other people enjoyed it. I did not.

Would it have been acceptable for me to have stood up and walked out of the room? Borderline. Proper to stop the teacher during the clip and tell him it was inappropriate to show to a class? No. Adequate to send him an email after class and ask him to be more selective for future clips he chooses to show? Not really but what else can I do?

Or people on their phones during church........ Why are you even there? If you're going to be on your phone during church then you might as well stay home and stop distracting me. However, I am not allowed to tell someone that to their face because our world has made it socially unacceptable. 

Or guys that are being Dumb Boys to my friends-- how I WISH I could tell them to grow up and stop abusing my friends. I will tell my friends that--I owe them that much but I feel like saying much of anything to the boys/girls they're dating is going much too far out of my business. There are few things that get on my nerves more than relationships with an intermediate due to the fact that the couple are ineffectively communicating with each other. There's a reason that it is counseled to not talk to others about problems with your significant other.

These things just.......... frustrate me. I like saying exactly what I think and what is on my mind. The fact that I am not ALLOWED to say anything even if what I have to say could raise the standards of a situation boggles me all the way to a comforting cup of shaved ice.

Voldemort and Underwear

For those of you awful people who are not as ridiculously in love with the Harry Potter series as I am, the main antagonist in the series is Voldemort. He is the epitome of evil and the source of great distress in the wizarding world. Due to his power and the fear he has invoked, he is almost always referred to as "You-Know-Who" or "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" rather than Voldemort.
Harry, however, always refers to him as Voldemort. In the second book when Harry first meets Lucius Malfoy, Malfoy comments on this and Hermione retorts with, "Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."

It is this fear of a name/thing that I would like to take to light today.

I'll start you off super easy... and you probably already saw this one coming...

underwear!

Chonies. Bras. Whatever else people wear that is beside the point of this post...

Last night I was in the middle of doing laundry when I had to leave for the evening. When I returned I walked in my room to discover one of my shirts covering a pile of bras on my bed. I was a little bit confused since I didn't remember leaving my clothes like that but I started putting my clothes away anyways. I mean, I didn't really have any other choice unless I wanted to scream, "Am I crazy?!" but even for me I think that's a little over the top. A couple minutes later one of my roommates walked in and told me she had moved my shirt because they had some boys over that like to randomly walk into bedrooms so she did it as a precaution. I didn't laugh but I kind of wanted to. I appreciate the gesture. I really do but I've never understood the need to hide your bedroom if its a little bit dirty or you have some underwear laying around. Everyone wears bras. Well, girls do. Hopefully not boys although I've seen a few that it wouldn't hurt.
Point is, its just underwear. Why do people feel like its such a taboo thing they should hide?

Next.... unwanted relatives AKA Uncle Tom and Aunt Flo AKA your period!

Seriously, am I at least making you the slightest bit uncomfortable? I hope this post reaches that point.. its kind of my goal.

Girls are almost always super hush hush about their (or a friend's) period. It's kind of annoying. Especially as a girl although I know for a fact boys find it slightly stupid as well.

Example: I'm on duty at EFY making sure the kids don't go back to their dorms during lunch and 3 girls walk up. Me: "Hey girls, where ya going?" Girls: "We just need to go get something from our room." Me: "You need your counselor with you to go back to the dorms right now." Girls: "She said it was okay. I just need to get something PERSONAL out of my room." Me: "Here's a tampon. Go take care of it."
Awkward? Only if you make it awkward. Usually, no big deal. And just think of how much time we could have saved if they had simply walked up and said, "I need a tampon." BAM. Done.

Or from a boy's perspective--- they are fed lame excuses to avoid the simple phrase of "She's on her period." It's that easy. They don't care. They have sisters and if they don't.. its not like they're not aware.

The thing is... just say things how they are and don't freak out that its awkward unless you add things like, "OM! This is soooooooo embarrassing.... blah blah blah.... giggle giggle.. *whispered secret*"

Next: Divorce.

This topic has a lot of different situations in which people feel the need to play the hush hush you-know-what game. The one that first comes to my mind is when people first realize your parents are divorced. You usually get a reply similar to, "Oh... I'm sorry. How old were you? [reply] Oh.. ok." End of topic.

It's really not that big of a deal unless it was extremely recent and the "child" was deeply emotionally attached to both parents. People get divorced. Actually, MOST people get divorced. Sadly, it is a percentage that continues to increase.

The thing is, most are used to it so for a majority of the time, you can refer to divorce normally. It is sad and you shouldn't accept it as an okay thing, but don't act like it is something rare and super secretive that  shouldn't be talked about.

If a handicap kid is late for class are you allowed to call him tardy?

Yes, handicap.

This picture is of Jeff and Emily Griffin-- my first EFY session directors and two people I look up to.
Brother Griffin is paralyzed from the waist down and spends his time in a wheel chair. But he has accepted that. As do most people that are "different." If someone has a birth mark on their face and you don't know what it is-- just ask. They're used to it. Maybe be a little bit more tactful than saying, "What's wrong with your face?!" Like I said before, it is only awkward if you make it awkward. Simply saying something straight out or asking an honest question is not often going to lead to an awkward conversation.

And the grand finale-- SEX!

Sex. Not "more than kissing." Don't refer to sex as "it." Don't give someone that winky face and assume they know what you mean. Do not pull the human version of old fashioned movies where you hit the sex scene and all you see are curtains blowing in the wind. Just say it. Sex. In fact, yell it. It makes a fabulous game when bored walking around ASU to yell out "awkward" words, starting with saying them quietly and then 1-upping the person next to you by saying it louder.
Life is based off of sex. It is extremely common and pretty much everyone in their lifetime will have sex at least once or ya know, a million times. It's not dirty. It's not gross. It's beautiful.

Just say things for how they are. Be brave when faced with something that should not be scary at all.

A Woman of Strength

One of our lessons in church today was on the topic of being in control of your life and focusing on being the person you want to be instead of worrying that others are not being/choosing the way you would have them be/choose. 

As Annie put it- (paraphrased quote) "There is this guy that I really like who unfortunately doesn't return those emotions. I can't make him like me. I only have control of myself so I am working on myself and becoming who I want to be. If some day he changes his mind then great! I'll be more prepared to be with him. If he never changes his mind, well.. then that just sucks." 

Most people have a list of some sorts- whether mentally or actually written down- of what they are looking for in a spouse. I've heard a lot of controversy on doing that. Personally, I have some things written down on a list. I don't have every little thing written down, nor do I expect to find someone who fits every little thing I would love to have in a husband. I think it is important to have a strong sense of the person you are looking for but to still be open to new traits. 

I know a few people who say they want to marry a stake president/ S.P.'s wife. Or bishop or mission president etc.... And then there are those who scoff at that goal and say that one needs to not be so picky/expecting-- that they just want to find someone that they love and makes them happy and they will make them happy in return. 

I see points for both sides but I will always have the mind set of the first due to something my mom told me at a young age. She told me to think of the men in our ward who were the kind of men I wanted to marry some day. And then... she told me to look at their wives. THAT is what I need to become to marry the kind of man I want. If I want to marry a future stake president, I need to be a stake president's wife. I find power in using that standard as a goal. Rather than just looking to love and make someone happy there are exact things that I can strive for. I may not ever be a stake president's wife. I may be just a wife. And that's okay. It is not a demeaning position. 

We cannot create a stake president/ S.P. wife UNLESS we are creating ourselves. We have power over 1 person and that is ourselves. 

And as we do all that is in our power to work on ourselves, it is then that we will find what we are looking for.

A fantastic read for the educated mind.

I've never posted a link on here for any of the blogs that I read but I was immensely impressed by a couple posts the other day and here is one that I feel is appropriate to share. 

Lonely Paren

It's fantastic... and not personal to the point in which the reader must know the author in order to fully appreciate the post. 

But beware..... your mind may get a bit tangled. 

Enjoy!

Time vs. Priority

This is a subject I have always been a little uptight about so I will keep it sweet and to the point. 

There is a difference between can't and won't. 

I often hear things like, "I can't blah blah blah..... I don't have time." OR "I can't go do this fun thing with you.... I don't have money." OR "I can't like you because of blah blah blah." 

(And I promise this blog is not focused on anyone specifically at all.)

Here's the thing.......... It's not that you can't. It is that you won't. Do NOT make excuses. It's insulting and annoying. If you want something in your life, you will find the time... you will find the money..... you will make the sacrifice... to MAKE IT WORK. 

Why? Because it is something you want. 

So don't excuse it as an impossible task. ANYTHING is an option if you want it to be. 

Doneski. 

Dear High School Self...

This letter was written for a class assignment today. I have written letters to my future self but it never occurred to me to write one to the past. It was written quickly and started off in a joking manner but ended turning out fairly sincere. Enjoy. And I encourage you to write a letter to your high school self too. It will help you sort out your priorities and see how much you've learned and grown.

8/25/11

Dear High School Amanda,
There are four main points I would like to make in writing this letter. They begin with boys, include physical appearance and social life, and end with academics.
Honey, boys are not everything in the world. Deep down you knew that but you spent far too large of a portion of your attention span dedicated to them. For heaven sakes, butterflies?! You gave each boy a color of butterfly? That was beyond excessive. Know that eventually boys become men. Well, not always, but many do. Know that the first boy you thought you cared about just might be homosexual and start dating an Asian pole dancer with bleach blonde hair. There was no need to think it was the end of the world when he moved away and left you at home eating salad. Have high expectations for the man (not boy) you will marry some day. Don’t settle for mediocre when you are meant to become the person your dream husband is looking for.
As for physical appearance, sports in lieu of books is an acceptable replacement at times. It might have aided your progress to a rockin’ hott body a little bit sooner. However, physical appearance really isn’t all it is made out to be. It is necessary to take care of yourself but do not obsess over appearance. And always remember, while modest is not hottest like all those Mormons claim it is, modest is most beautiful. And you want to be beautiful, not hott. “Immodesty is like rolling in manure. You only attract the pigs and flies.” You’ll deal with enough pigs and flies in your life. Don’t create a situation in which to invite it into your life any further.
As for a social life, get one. It’s great that you have three of the best friends in the world but branch out. Be the one to unite all the different groups you somehow fit into. Have the courage to friendship those who you will not allow yourself to party with but can still create amazing relationships with and focus on the good things you can do together. Step outside of your comfort zone because as you do you will discover traits and qualities in yourself that you never knew you had. You have the gift of being able to accept people- no matter how different from you they are. You automatically have a deep love for people in your life, even if most (yourself included) do not understand why. Use your social life to explore new options and opinions and allow those to develop your own thoughts and ideas. More than anything, be yourself. There is only one of you on this earth and there is a reason you are the way you are.
As for academics, I am so proud of you. You dedicated a huge portion of your life to working hard in the area of academics and it paid off. You’ll understand some day just how important those $36,000 you’re working to earn via a scholarship will be. That money will keep you out of debt and put you in a financial situation in which you can use the rest of your funds to see the world like you’ve always dreamed of doing. You believe that the reason you work hard in school and life is because nothing you want to achieve/become in life is accomplished without a great deal of hard work. Keep believing in that and use it during those times you lack motivation. You have the power to become absolutely anything you want which not only includes wonderful good things but also things that you won’t be proud of. Don’t live your life in a way that you will look back full of pain and regrets.
High school self, you are on a really good path so far. You have your issues but in the next couple years you’ll mature and look back on things you are working towards and be proud of your progress. Don’t forget to set goals, wake up every morning with a smile, and open your textbook every once in a while instead of just buying them and then selling them back. Don’t doubt that your dreams won’t come true. As long as you stay true to who you are and always work hard towards your goals, you will obtain and become everything you have ever wanted. Believe. Hope. Endure.

All my love and support,
Modern day me.

Why do I like you?

A genius idea occurred to me while driving home tonight. I figured out why we like certain people. We always say we like a certain person because of things about them-- whether it is because they are funny or a kind person or..... (I really don't want to take the time to come up with a creative list.) But the point is, we tell ourselves that we like them because of who they are, right? And that is partially correct, but there is more to the situation. 

We like people because when we are with them/in contact with them we like who we ourselves are. 

Yes, I like that person because they are funny but really... I like them because I feel happy due to who they are. It is how we feel and react that creates our opinions.. not just the traits of the person. 

This is really just a spur of the moment thought/idea so I am sure there is a lot more I could eventually add or learn on this topic but I think it is a brilliant start. 

Seriously.. just think about it for 30 seconds.. it is an interesting perspective.