Caves are an Instant Refuge From the Storm that Caused Them

How absolutely fantastic would it be to live in a place like this? A house inside a cave. The thing is, often when we think about caves we don't associate beautiful, comfortable things. When I think of caves I imaging dark, damp tunnels with little oxygen that is closing in on me from all sides. In fact, total darkness is part of a cave's definition:
"A cave is a natural underground space large enough for a human to enter. The term applies to natural cavities some part of which is in total darkness"
Most people probably don't know that I'm a little bit claustrophobic. I confirmed the existence of this phobia in my life the last time I went in a cave. Luckily for me, I am capable of realizing that it is an irrational mental thought and for the most part, move past my fear. We'll come back to that thought later. 
So how are caves formed? 
"Caves are formed by various geologic processes. These may involve a combination of chemical processes, erosion from water, tectonic forces, microorganisms, pressure, atmospheric influences, and even digging."
Caves are formed from destruction. Caves are FORMED from DESTRUCTION. It's interesting to think that a destructive process could create something new and beautiful. 


After something in our life is destroyed, a cave is formed. Here are some types of caves:

1. Solutional caves: They are the most common form of caves, usually formed from soft rocks such as limestones that are eroded away by water. 
These types of caves may be situations in our lives that we wish were stronger but there's nothing we can really do about it so drop by drop, we are forced further into the darkness of a constantly forming cave.

2: Primary Caves: These are usually lava tubes, formed when surface lava cools, leaving voids where the lava below the crust flows out.
These caves may be times in our lives when we are sprinting with everything we have but no matter how much we push ourselves we keep being swept out under the surface, leaving empty voids.

3. Sea caves: These are formed along ocean coasts as the result of waves and weak cliffs.
These caves may be formed when we put on a brave face but piece by piece the waves in our lives break us apart.

4. Corrasional/erosional caves: These caves are also formed by water flow except that this time it is a zone of weakness although it can occur in rocks as hard as granite.
These may be the one crack in the solidest parts of who we are. Everyone has a weakness that when attacked for long enough, can erode away even the hardest shells of protection.

The idea of caves came to my mind last night when talking to my roommates in the kitchen and as I was leaving to go back in my room one asked if I was returning to my cave. My cave... Well of course my mind took off in a thousand different directions, figuring out what my caves are and what kind of parallels I could line up with caves. 

Here's what I came up with:

I have three main physical caves:

The first is my bedroom. I absolutely love my bedroom. I fell in love with it the first time I saw it and it is the main reason I bought the house that I did. It was the last room in my house that I worked on, partially because other demands came first but part of it was because I wanted to make it perfect and I was still planning how to do so. For those of you who have not seen my bedroom, it has a vaulted ceiling with a mirror covering an entire wall. It has a big sliding door our to my back porch and a walk-in closet along with a huge shower. I covered the walls with bright green, teal, and light blue paint along with ocean/ship themed decorations. I have a string door separating the bedroom area from the rest of the room with thick shag carpet on one side and light gray porcelain tile on the other. My bathroom is magenta and dark gray with a blue and green flower border joining the two together. I took out the shower doors and replaced them with a colorful shower curtain. My bed is cherrywood from a thrift store nearby, accompanied with a soft gray couch and a white wicker desk. I can explain to you why I chose every part of my room and why I love it. 

So why is it a cave? It is where I hide from the world. I know that I can go in my room and in it I feel entirely safe and comfortable and calm because it is created by me. It is a perfect world that I have created and in it I feel protected. I have complete control of my room.

My second physical cave is the Dietz Museum at ASU where I spend a majority of my time on campus. It's where I work for my job. It's where I work for GeoClub. It's where I hide from a noisy campus and work on homework or catch up on a tv episode. The museum is somewhere that is very much me. And in it I have control and traces showing what I have made it become. I feel safe there because it is mine.

My last physical cave is a location that only my closest friends know about. It is where I go to hide and find myself when my world is crashing down. This place is filled with memories and is a connection of things that have defined who I am. In this place I feel free from pain and other people. In this place I can be whatever I decide I want to. Complete control. 

People also have mental/emotional caves. 

Those kinds of caves in my life are where I hide when I don't want to accept (or can't) understand something. I don't know what to do and the destructive situation is causing so much turmoil in my life that it creates one of these caves. Everyone has at least one cave in their life whether it lasts five minutes or a life time. It is where we withdraw to hide in complete darkness where we know that we are protected and that we have control and where we don't have to fear from others because as we hide, we are in control. 

Where are your caves? Both physically and mentally/emotionally? 

And is it time to see some sunshine?

I know I'm a little bit more pale than I'd like to be.

Demand #1: Date me.

It's often said that a picture is worth a thousand words.. I feel like this is an easy one to list:

.

..

... 

woman

red

devil

expensive

snob

business

control

demanding

sexy

...

..

.

There are girls in this world who are never satisfied-- especially in the dating world.

First they say they never get asked out on dates.

Then they say they they get asked out at least weekly.

They complain that the guy didn't pay for everything.

Then they complain that its insulting to not let the girl pay for anything.

They complain that an expensive dinner and a show is just a guy making up for a lack of good personality.

Then they complain that inexpensive dates show that the guy doesn't see them as worth the money.

So pardon my language, but what the hell do they want?

----News flash----

It doesn't matter.

Now MannaDarlin'.... you're being too harsh. All girls are beautiful daughters of God who deserve the very best.

I agree.

But...

let's be realistic.

Here's some of the basic rules I personally have:

1. Always say yes to a first date (unless you are currently dating someone, just broke off something serious and still have a couple days left on your week long allowance of moping around the house, OR if he's a TOTAL creeper. You can always deal with a tiny bit of creepy though.)
2. Be a lady/gentleman and expect that your date will do the same. Manners and etiquette are necessary. I don't care if you think they are simply extra decoration, I deem them necessary.
3. If you want to go out on a date with someone (whether you are a boy OR girl... ASK them out. I realize that we live in a society that is very much focused on men doing the initial work- (asking out on dates, paying, proposing...) BUT that doesn't mean that if you are a girl you can't have some pretend cojones and ask the dang boy out. However, for most of the time, I still see it as a man's role in life to be the one actively making an effort towards dating with girls properly receiving that effort.
4. If you don't like someone, don't go on a second date with them. A majority of the time, you will be able to say after 1 date whether or not you could see yourself spending eternity with your date. There are exceptions to this so while further dates are not personally recommended, getting to know them better through group activities are still encouraged until you are positive they're a DB or are just not your type.
5. If someone disappoints you, let them go. Immediately. I'm not taking about super minor stuff like, "oh! he didn't open my car door when we got out of the car to go in the restaurant" therefore I'm done with you. No. I'm talking about your date not showing respect or sending texts back like, "My day was good." 

These are the things that come to my mind at the moment....I could write a hundred more but these are some of the basics. Why do I share these? Because I feel slightly bad for those men who have to deal with the stupid little girls who simply don't get it. When it comes down to it, there are the girls who deserve dates every so often and hopefully those are the girls that land dates. There are also the girls who simply haven't earned dates. Don't worry about them too much. Still love them. Still be their friends. Still be in their lives but don't reward them for their selfish whining. 

If I were a boy (which I am SO grateful I am not!) I would focus my time on the girls who are going to make dating worthwhile. The girls who are going to appreciate a date rather than demand it. It's not always obvious as to who these girls are so you will have to go through some trial and error but eventually you'll figure things out. 

Good luck!

And girls-- DON'T be the devil who wears Prada.

Just Around the River Bend

Read these lyrics-- REALLY read them and take the imagery/symbolism and turn it into life--

What I love most about rivers is you can't step in the same river twice.
The water's always changing, always flowing
But people I guess can't live like that
They all must pay a price
To be safe we lose our chance of ever knowing

What's around the river bend
Waiting just around the river bend
I look once more just around the river bend
Beyond the shore where the gulls fly free
Don't know what for
What I dream the day might send just around the river bend
For me, coming for me

I feel it there beyond those trees
Or right behind these waterfalls
Can I ignore that sound of distant drumming?
For a handsome sturdy husband who builds handsome sturdy walls
And never dreams that something might be coming

Just around the river bend
Just around the river bend
I look once more just around the river bend
Beyond the shore, somewhere past the sea
Don't know what for
Why do all my dreams extend just around the river bend
Just around the river bend

Should I choose the smoothest course steady as the beating drum?
Should I marry Kocoum?
Is all my dreaming at an end?
Or do you still wait for me, dream-giver, just around the river bend? 

Rivers, water, trees, waterfalls, drums.... they are all part of our lives. I want to start by point out a section from the first verse:

But people I guess can't live like that
They all must pay a price
To be safe we lose our chance of ever knowing

All of us, more or less than others, want to stay on the smooth river course. We want that security and protection. However, by always staying on the smooth course we risk the high potential of not discovering something great. We can never be great if we don't take risks and push ourselves out of our comfort zones. We have to trust other people, new situations, and the world as a whole. 

Every so often (and maybe a lot!), these splashes into a rapid, untamed current leave us soaking wet and exhausted. After we have given all that we have, every last stroke and kick against that brutal storm, we collapse exhausted on the bank.. too tired and broken to move for a while.. desiring only to curl up with a warm blanket and let every pain and frustration go. 

Other times, our brave moments are rewarded with catching the current and being taken along paths that we never even imagined could be so great. We learn how to swim with the current and feel that ecstasy of traveling twice as fast as we could have in calmer waters. 

And you know what? It's worth it. Even if you are left beaten upon the shore you have gained strength and endurance that will prepare you for another dive. Trust and know that you are strong enough to get back up (after snuggling up in a warm blanket with hot cocoa and toast) and give the unimaginable another shot. 

Oh, and you can never have too many cute swimsuits to wear along the way.

Speaking of which, I already super miss swimming.

Both literally and figuratively.

nom nom nom chocolate

This is a post written for a friend explaining "why women love chocolate so much." 

Women not only love chocolate because it tastes delicious (or so I've heard) but because of the chemicals chocolate releases in their bodies. 

Here's what the experts (or anyone who cares to add to Google) has to say:

• It causes a rush of endorphins, or happy cells
• It contains phenyl-ethylamine. This chemical is known to stimulate the release of dopamine into the different pleasure zones of the body (& give the sensation of falling in love)
• It causes the release of serotonin, a chemical produced by the brain, which is known to calm the mind down

"As it melts in the mouth at body temperature, chocolate's creamy texture and unique aroma hit all of the body's senses, heightening the sensuality of the experience."

"It is believed that women who suffer from mood swings during their menstrual cycle may also suffer from a dislike to being sexually intimate. The scientists who conducted the study made those women eat chocolate over a period of time. After careful research, the study found that eating the chocolate improved not only their sexual function, but also awoke the desire for sexual intimacy."

Soo... to sum it up, chocolate is a substitute for sex. Kinda. 

Living to Our Full Potential

Inception:
Cobb: I can't stay with her anymore because she doesn't exist. 
Mal: I'm the only thing you do believe in anymore. 
Cobb: I wish. I wish more than anything. But I can't imagine you with all your complexity, all you perfection, all your imperfection. Look at you. You are just a shade of my real wife. You're the best I can do; but I'm sorry, you are just not good enough. 


This quote was shared in a church meeting Sunday and I quite like it. There are so many branches of discussion I could write about based off of this quote and I've decided to choose the topic of living to our full potentials. The other day I had a conversation about some people knowing exactly what they want in life. It was a short conversation but I'd like to expound. 


There are people in this world that know exactly what they want. Maybe not exactly, but they know the main points of what they want for their futures. Kudos to them. For those people there is always the fear that although they know what they want, they may give that up in the future. How tragic would it be for someone who has definitive plans for the future to simply walk away from those things and settle for something else? 


Extremely tragic.


Yet, it happens all the time.


Why?


Because....


Because we lose faith in ourselves. Faith in others. Faith in the world. Faith in God. We fight and fight and fight for the things we want and eventually reach a point of exhaustion and give up. Sometimes we don't even fight before we walk away. Sometimes we reach the conclusion that what we want is not an option. That we must settle for only a ghost of what we are really looking for. 


STOP it. If you are wanting great things, you will get them. It may take a lot of work. A lot of time. A lot of faith. BUT... you will get them. There are exceptions to every situation but if you want to be a multi-millionaire some day, DO it! If you want to marry that perfect someone that you've been dreaming about for years, FIND them! If you are adamant about living in Arizona for the rest of your life, SET that expectation. Do NOT settle for a shadow of your potential. 


Remember: I can't imagine you with all your complexity, all you perfection, all your imperfection. Look at you. You are just a shade of my real wife. You're the best I can do; but I'm sorry, you are just not good enough. 


Know that you ARE good enough to get what you want. Know that what you want is an option without settling for a ghost of your dreams. Don't reach the point where you simply give up. Always fight.

I Thank God For Unanswered Prayers

Everyone has prayed, in some form or another, for things that they really want. 

Those prayers aren't always answered. Not because there's no one listening but maybe because we're the ones who need to listen. 

What are some of my unanswered prayers? Oh, you know me, I wanted to be married right out of high school at the age of 17. I wanted to move far far away from Arizona where plants were a real color of green. I wanted people around me to change. I wanted a perfect family with an older brother or twin sister I could discuss life business with. I wanted boys who were emotionally destructive to marry me. 

Thank God for unanswered prayers.

I've spent a lot of time in my life looking back at the past- not always like Lot's wife... longing for what I once had.. but more to analyze where I've been and see how my choices and life events have affected who I am today. 

I thank God for unanswered prayers. Those unanswered prayers have created a life that I never dreamed I could have. A life in which I'm happier than I have ever been. 

There's a reason for everything and sometimes, that reason takes years to become apparent.

And sometimes, it's totally worth the wait.

The Big Gesture Conquers Unrealistic Love

One of the movies I have in my collection is Chasing Liberty- - while it is not a favorite I still enjoy watching it ever so often although that may mainly be due to a beautiful man named Matthew Goode. 

Whatever the reason, I like a concept that Ben (aka Goode) points out in the movie:

Ben: My mother wanted him to make the big gesture.

Anna: What’s the big gesture? 

Ben: You know, “I’ll quit for you. I’ll stay home for you, darling.” But he didn’t. Because…Well, people don’t really do that, do they?

DO THEY???

While researching this topic (you didn't know I usually spend time researching my topics, did you?) I found a blog post that I found to be a fantastic conversation. Seriously, read it. It expresses my thoughts perfectly. 

Read it. NOW. Then come back and continue reading. 

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The only part I would change a little bit is that the idea of a big gesture is not necessarily a one time thing. I'm not saying it should be a constant thing, but everyone deserved a big gesture every once in a while. The periods between these big gestures should still be supported with simple gestures. 

So, what is a big gesture? In my mind, it's not necessarily someone giving up their entire life for you. I see it more as a special effort made by someone that shows how much they really care and pay attention to you who are. 

If you really like someone- get creative and do something that will blow their mind.

Ex: Ride a tandem bike around a lake until, surprise! you discover a projector, screen, and couch set up [magically!] all ready to watch a movie. 

Did that set up take a little bit of work and planning? Yes. Was it all worth it? Yes!

Don't sell yourself short with taking the easy way out all the time. 

So... what sparked my desire to write a post on this topic?

One of my friends was sharing how since she missed the last two Harry Potter premiers she wants a guy to recreate the midnight showings at home for her- the movie starts at 12, dressing up, movie popcorn...

Is that unrealistic? Absolutely not. 

Guaranteed, no one is going to know that is something she wants unless she says something but the concept is still valid. 

It's not that the date is expensive or took forever to plan out... it's that someone cared enough to find out what kind of big gesture she would appreciate. 

Now, like I said before, a big gesture is not necessary every minute of every day. It's all the little things in between that really count too. It can be as simple as opening the sun roof so the one you love can look at the stars. Difficult? Nah.. Just something that shows that you paid attention to what they care about.

This leads me to my last section of this post: 

unrealistic love

Everyone at one point of time or another has dreamed up their own fairy tale. 

We're trained to do so-- from Disney movies to chick flicks to most everything else in our world...

We want to have fairy tales.

I'm here to tell you that to a certain point, they exist.

We still live in reality but as seen above, big (and little) gestures can and should be made.

We have every right to dream in reality.

While they don't actually kiss in this clip below, this is what I always dreamed my first kiss would be.

Ya know... the pale sunset.. the quiet music in the background.. a lovely (at that time) outfit slightly swaying in the cool evening breeze..

And because I'm a huge dreamer, I added fireworks to that list.

Why? 

So that when we kissed there would literally be fireworks.

Hahahahahahahahhahahaha I embarrass myself. 

But truly... I believe in fairy tales. I believe in perfect moments- even if they're perfect in their own way.

They won't necessarily happen for a first kiss..

But they can happen.

Dream in reality.