Matt Syndrome

At my house there's a subject that surfaces weekly, if not daily.

We like to call it Matt Syndrome.

When I was gone this summer my roommate met a guy named Matt who, for lack of a better phrase, rocked her world. He was perfect for her.. educated, funny, easy to talk to, genuine, and she realized that for the first time in her life he was someone she could see herself marrying some day.

But perfect love stories don't make it to my blog posts, do they?

Of course not.

As the summer came to a close, Matt returned home to the other side of the country, leaving the relationship they had developed as a short blip in time.

It shouldn't be that difficult to let him go.. to move on.. to be with someone new.. should it?

After all, their time together really wasn't significantly long and there's only the slightest of chances that by some miracle the two of them will be together in the end.

But it is that difficult.

Why? 

I was told a story last night called the parable of the steak. It reminded me of my Spam theory with a different lesson to be learned.

There's a man who strongly desires something so he decides to fast and pray. He wants this thing so badly that he even commits to a 24-hour fast. When the 24-hours are up he ends his fast with a prayer and heads to a restaurant to order the finest steak and waits patiently for this wonderful dish that he so strongly desires, confident that it will be everything that he has ever hoped for. As he waits for his meal, his hunger intensifies and he spots Saltine crackers in a basket on the table so he begins eating the crackers. When his steak arrives he opens up the silverware only to realize that in the process of waiting for this steak he had already filled himself with Saltine crackers and was no longer hungry.

Here's what I draw from this parable: 

The man did everything right to prepare himself for a steak but faltered in the end due to not knowing when his steak would show up and not seeing much harm in snacking on the Saltines in the mean time. He had the faith that the steak would show up but just didn't know when. 

Steak=the Matts in our lives. Those people who simply rock our world and leave us wide-eyed as we discover that something so truly wonderful does indeed exist.

Saltines=the people we often fill our time with when what we really want is steak.

Don't fill your time with Saltines when there is a steak on its way.

Let me add one more line to the parable--

When the waiter saw that the man wasn't ready for the steak, he took it back in the kitchen. 

So what do you do? Run into the kitchen after it? I suppose its possible but bottom line is that what's going to happen is you're going to walk out of the restaurant and come back another time. You'll order steak again and maybe you'll get the same steak, maybe you won't.

So why is it so difficult to let go of a Matt?

Because we know they're steak. We know they're something we really want and when that plate is cleared from the table we're not quite stupid enough to eat Saltines again.

But the steak is gone. Sometimes even though it is there for a moment its just not for you.

Its so difficult to let go because you already know for a fact that the steak exists and that it seems like the right one for you, and maybe it is. Maybe that steak will be waiting for you again but there's also a lot of other steaks in this world and sometimes you have to trust that they exist and are pretty darn good, even if you're going to get a lot of Saltines thrown at you while you're looking for them.

It's like I said in The Best is Yet to Be-- you have to trust that if you let one go, you'll find another, maybe even better than the first. Faith is looking forward.

I think most people have a Matt in their lives. Someone that they've felt true love towards but for one reason or another it didn't work out. There are many variations to Matt Syndrome but in the end they're still that person we're holding on to even though we know chances are, we'll never win. Its a different story for every person as to how they should act but I think its healthy to ask yourself just what exactly you're holding on to and whether or not it would be better to let go.

Talk To Me

Working my summers with teenagers I have many opportunities to not only learn about them through observation and what they say, but also many opportunities to share my own opinions and thoughts with them. A few days ago my kids surrounded me and my co-counselor at dinner and demanded information about relationships. One of their questions was what are some of the big things you shouldn't do on a date? My mind automatically jumped to talking about yourself too much but I didn't want to say that because there are times when I really enjoy just sitting and listening to someone tell me about themselves for longer than is socially acceptable or normally appreciated. I heard one of my kids say cell phone and instantly I knew that was one of the things on my top five list that a guy should never do on a date. [Disclaimer: I don't mind if you answer a quick phone call from your mom or have to text someone back but just let me or whomever you're with know what you're doing and make it a one time thing for the day.]

I do not like cell phones when I'm with other people.

I think they're fantastically convenient and I enjoy talking on the phone to certain people or texting or playing a game for ten minutes now that I've figured out how to put games on my phone :) BUT if you are with me there is nothing that will push my patience faster than having your phone out.

I was raised in a home where gum was rare and if you were playing with it by pulling it out of your mouth it went in the trash. Singing was not allowed at the dinner table. Ever. Small bites of food were constantly encouraged and enforced even if my parents didn't follow that rule. “May I be excused?” was fairly common request upon finishing your meal. I was raised to have proper etiquette even if I didn't want to act like a lady. A main principle of etiquette is respect and as a child I learned that very well.

The biggest rule at my house was that if somebody was over visiting or in your company, distractions went away in order than you may give the person your undivided attention. Gameboy? Never to be played in front of other people. Headphones? Don't even think about it. Cell phone? Not to be used as a replacement for the here and now interactions.

These distractions are becoming so prevalent in our lives. Cell phones. Games. Laptops. Music. . . . . . My biggest distraction in my laptop. I'm so used to being on it all the time for online classes and checking email and Facebook and writing blog posts and working on my thesis website that it has become a second nature addiction.

For other people their biggest distraction is their cell phone. I was super tired and grumpy one night this week and when meeting with my co-counselors, two of them had their phones out instead of talking to me so I simply walked up to them and pressed the button to turn the screen off. It's not that these were bad people-- quite the opposite. They're two of the most incredible men I've met. I just didn't like being less important than a post on Instagram.

We need to talk to people. Face to face. We need that personal interaction and it is becoming obsolete. We need to be aware that the person in front of you is much more important than anything you could possibly be doing on your phone in that moment.

And the kids agree. One of the weeks at EFY our session directors had the kids all submit a slip of paper answering a couple questions. One of the questions was, “What do you wish you could tell someone of the opposite sex?” Here are the top ten answers that boys wish they could tell girls:

10- When we compliment you don't make us feel stupid.

9- Guys are not mind readers

8- Be yourself. Be real.

7- Smile more. It gives us confidence.

6- Talk to us when we try. Its hard.

5- You send mixed signals.

4- Be friendly to all of us-- not just the popular ones.

3- “We're stupid. Give us another chance.”

2- You are beautiful! And you don't know it.

1- Immodesty harms us more than you know.

I don't know all of the things on the list of what girls want to tell boys but talking to each other was on that list too. How interesting is it that out of everything these kids want from each other they simply just want to talk?

Social skills are deteriorating as our world switches from face to face conversations to Facebook posts and hashtags on Twitter and pictures on Instagram and text messages on cell phones.

Talk. Just talk.

A Relationship With Yourself

Last week I encountered the question, “Amanda, what do you want from me?” 
In order to answer that, I first had to ask myself, “Amanda, what do you want?”

This should be a simple question, yes?

It wasn't. I gave my best answer but I've spent a lot of time, especially last weekend with all the travel time, pondering that question.

During the 2.5 hours I was sitting on a fully loaded plane at a gate in Chicago I had two experiences that helped develop a new perspective on my life. The first was a short story out of a book I'm reading called Sunshine for the Latter-day Saint Teenager's Soul. Quite a mouthful, no? I wouldn't recommend reading it unless you're young and still vulnerable to cliché stories but I did find one that I really liked by Brad Wilcox. The story is about two boys at a dance. One keeps asking girls to dance and being denied every time. The other boys asks him why even keep asking if they're just going to say no? He replies with, “Why not? Why should you let her decide how you're going to act?”

How beautiful is that thought? Why should I let others decide how I am going to act?

Act rather than react.

I'm familiar with the scriptures teaching that we should act rather than be acted upon but I never connected being acted upon with the term reaction.

If we're never acting for ourselves, for what we really want, we will rarely surmount to a person we're proud to be.

I realized that I've rarely acted for myself. As a child I did what my mother encouraged me to do which is fine-- that's what parents are for-- but as I matured into a teenager I turned from having it be my mom, telling what to do and who I was, to boys for that role. Many of the choices I have made are in an attempt to gain attention and interest from boys around me in order that I may have value and be someone through them. It's not bad that I'm a people pleaser- its bad that I do it because I don't believe in myself and use those actions in an attempt to make up for a lack of self-worth.

I think that is one of the greatest problems in many teenage and young adult lives. They turn to someone of the opposite sex to provide that personal worth and tell them who they are. That time in our life should be for figuring out who we are as an individual and getting to know other people but not becoming dependent on them. We often feel the need absolute necessity for someone to like us or give us a compliment in order to qualify as being valuable.

I used to have this obsession with creating song playlists to describe people in my life. My best friend and I would make these playlists and then sit in her truck and listen to them, explaining what each song meant in relation to that person. I have a few for guys that I've dated but at one point I made one for myself to describe who I am. Reading over them now, they're very blatantly depressing and display perfectly my own absolute necessity to feel validated by others in order to have any self worth. I purposefully led people to act on me because I felt like I needed that power from them instead of acting for myself and having self-power. I was constantly displaying myself in hopes that someone would want to buy-- accepting any price value they gave me. I walked into rooms intending for the reaction of “Here I am” rather than “There you are.” Some of the songs on the playlist include Dark Blue, Scars, Suddenly I See, I Think I'm Paranoid, When You Say You Love Me, Beautiful Disaster, and Over the Rainbow. I found my struggles and insecurities in so many of these lyrics. You've probably heard that you can learn more about a girl by her favorite song than you can in what she says and for me.. it is very very true. Here are some of the lines I connected with:

Dark Blue:

Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room?

I Think I'm Paranoid:

I think I'm paranoid and complicated. I'm think I'm paranoid, manipulated. Bend me, break me, any way you need me. All I want is you. …I fall down just to give you a thrill...

When You Say You Love Me:

When you say you love me do you mean it? Baby when you hold me do you feel it?

Beautiful Disaster:

She prays some day she'll find someone to need her. She swears that there's no difference between the lies and compliments. It's all the same if everybody leaves her.

She would change everything, everything just ask her. Caught in the in-between of beautiful disaster. She just needs someone to take her home.

She's giving boys what they want. Tries to act so nonchalant. Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction. She never stays the same for long. Assuming that she'll get it wrong. Perfect only in her imperfection.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow:

Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue. And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

I was the girl standing alone in the middle of a room watching it revolve around me, waiting for someone to say that I was beautiful enough or funny enough or simply good enough to be more. And the thing is-- they said those things but I never believed them.

Point is-- I never thought I was good enough.

But good enough for what?

Good enough for everyone else. What I should have been asking myself is if I was good enough for myself.

This takes me to my second experience I had while sitting on that dear, dear plane in Chicago. I was sitting next to a fairly eccentric fellow and we were chit chatting about his career working on maps and charts for the government and I mentioned that I had just graduated from ASU with a bachelor of science in geology and had been working with Stephen Reynolds as my honors thesis director. He asked me where I wanted to go with geology now that I had graduated and I told him I was really interested in either working for a cruise line giving geology tours or at a national park and how I had focused my thesis on getting to one of those places. He quickly commented that I shouldn't aim so low in my career. It took me off guard for him to be so blunt but I quickly explained that I wanted to work with the public at which point he then called me an extrovert (me? and extrovert? interesting thought) but that is beside the point. I didn't realize that a complete stranger could talk to me for a few minutes and already know of my potential and expect that I should set a higher standard for myself.

His comment took me back to other events during my week when the counselor I had roomed with the week before ran up to me saying how much she missed me as a roommate because I was so fantastic and fun to be around. I thought about a recent chat conversation on Facebook when I had been told that, "You're close to perfect. In all seriousness though, when you are being YOU, you are an absolute pleasure to be around. Kind, funny, smart."I thought about how I'm constantly bombarded with hugs and love from my EFY babies who tell me every day how completely amazing I am. I thought about the counselors this summer who keep telling me that I need to take a trip up to Utah and spend a few weekends with them. I thought about the words that my session directors said they associate with me: intelligent & wisdom. I thought about my co-counselor telling me about an experience with one of her girls and how she had asked herself, "What would Amanda do?"

For the first time in my life I think I actually believe these things are true.
 Is it because these moments were anything different than I've had before? No, not at all.
I've always been told I'm beautiful. I've always been told I'm smart. I've taught hundreds of youth during multiple weeks of multiple summers that think I'm the bomb-dot-com.
The change came when I let my Heavenly Father tell me that I am all of those things.
That change has allowed me to now believe in my own ability to be loved and accept all of those other little things.
I've been so fortunate this summer to have lessons on spiritual confidence. I've realized it is something that I need to work on. Something that I need to believe.

One great thing about learning that I am indeed a loveable and incredible person is that when I got to Nauvoo I had something to hold on to when convincing myself I was supposed to be there. I was one of only a few counselors who were chosen to work that session. Nauvoo is a major historic landmark for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and in combination with that and it being one of the only sessions this last week of EFY, counselor positions were difficult to get. I was surrounded by my previous leaders from earlier this summer. I worked with lots of my coordinators and building counselors and felt extremely insignificant the first night doing so. During the week I was able to remind myself that I was chosen to be there for a reason and was able to see my own strengths and use them in combination with the strengths of the counselors around me.

So what are the messages I want to get across in this post? First, that we need to learn how to love ourselves on our own with the help of our Heavenly Father rather than being completely dependent on others to provide that for us. Second, that we need to have spiritual confidence that we are indeed enough, and more than enough. You are incredible and don't you doubt that one second.

A lesson one of my session directors gave this summer has really stuck with me. She said, "We are daughters of God and we are lucky enough to know it." She showed the video below. It's one I've seen almost every week this summer and I really like it. President Uchtdorf is my absolute favorite speaker and he's done a lovely job with this as always.

Our True Identity

My session director talked about us all being swans. She showed us her own embarrassing pictures from when she was young and then in the funniest way possible talked about our lives saying, Someday... there's a swan in there. She's gonna come out! She's gonna come out and flap her wings! Oh my gosh its that awkward girl Michelle- she's a swan!!"
The rest of the week she continued to stand in front of the group flapping her arms saying, "She's gonna come out! She's gonna come out and fly!"

There's another story I really like that I heard at EFY. It's called the Eagle Chicken. I just want you to read the story part on the link. There are so many eagles in this world that are living like chickens. I think it is safe to say that we all are eagles but we don't realize or accept the fact that we are so we live our lives walking about on the ground pecking at bugs when we have the potential to soar.

I am a little bit obsessed with buying things to hang on the wall at my house and one of the signs I have says, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." I love that. I love that every day, every moment, is a new start. Every single second we have the option to be whomever we choose to be.
Choose right now who you want that to be.

To close, I have a quote that I want to share. I've read it several times but have never had it have quite as much of an effect on me as it does now.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~Marianne Williamson

So.. "Amanda, what do you want?"
I want to be me and realize just how incredible that person is.

What If....

So here's the deal... due to interesting events in my life the past few days I've spent a lot of time thinking 'what if'? 

And... since this has turned into quite the relationship blog.. these moments have to do with just that.

All completely unexpected, the first one took me back to age 11.

I had a huge crush on the same boy all through junior high, high school, and part of college-- up until half way through his mission at which point I was distracted with the here and now.

What if I hadn't been distracted? What if I had reinitiated that friendship when he returned home?

Would I be the one dating him now? Would I be living my happily ever after?

I also have experiences (often while Facebook stalking) when I see things that make me a little bit glad inside that I didn't follow a certain path with someone. 

What if I had kept dating them? What if I had stayed friends with someone? What if I had gone on that trip or to that party? 

Would I be happy? Would I have graduated college in 4 years? Would I be pregnant?

These moments caused me to ask myself 'what if?' but I didn't really have a thought of where to take a blog post past that stupid little question.

Until today.

Let me preface this next story a little bit--

4 years ago I met a guy who changed my life. It was the first time I 'fell in love' and really cared about someone. I wrote to him his entire mission and with every letter felt like a giddy little girl as I opened the mailbox and then ran to my room, shutting the door behind me to devour each word over and over again. He was everything to me. After he returned home we spent the next year jumping back from dating (long distance.. blah) to not speaking at all. Then a year ago this week I finally gathered the courage to separate myself from the extremely unhealthy relationship we shared that I had been dragging out for far too long.

And today.. I saw him for the first time again. You would think that after an entire year had gone by I would have been okay with such an encounter. It wouldn't have phased me hardly at all.

But it did.

In that instant my mind flashed straight to 'what if' and all sense of concentration was lost.

What if we had kept dating? What if he really was the guy I hoped he was in all of those letters? What if I had moved to Cedar City?

Would I be the one he's engaged to now? Would I be happy with my life?

And that's when I realized a little bit more the meaning behind 'what if' moments.

The moments that cause us to think 'what if' are often the moments that life suddenly becomes real to us and, as my sedimentology professor would say, hits us in the face like a wet monkey.

They're the moments when we flash back to things that were once important to us and in that moment, we're back in that spot living them all over again. 

And that's why they can be so intense-- because they are real. These are moments in which we defined who we were and chose (or were forced into) a certain path.

And no matter how many different ways you can answer your 'what if' and 'would I' questions, your life will always be the choice you already made so the very best you can do is take that moment to evaluate and then move on.

So move along, move along like I know ya do.

Sex Trade

Before you get too distracted by the title of this post or the picture, let me teach you a little bit about your body.

cortex: the outside of the brain responsible for logic function

limbic system: part of the brain known as the "emotional brain"
These two parts of your brain banter back and forth between logic and emotions-- occasionally resulting in confusion and ridiculous choices.

Your body produces a chemical called dopamine which is highest just before a pleasurable experience.

Here are a few examples:

Thanksgiving dinner-- just before that delicious food enters your mouth.

Gambling-- just before you pull the handle on the slot machine.

First kiss-- just before that sexy person's lips (or not so sexy) touches yours.

Christmas Eve-- just before you get to open all of those presents in the morning!

Malibu at California Adventure-- just before that big drop while you're hanging in the air

These are moments of intense anticipation when your body is getting all psyched out for a party.

When an individual participates in extreme experiences, the dopamine gates in your body are flooded. Once this happens, a new standard is set and our bodies want to reach that point again.

Your body also produces a hormone known as oxytocin which is responsible for creating a bond between two people.

Some moments that this hormone is released is when a mother gives birth or when a couple falls in love.

Ok ok ok so this is all cool and everything but Amanda, you're no doctor so why do you care?

[Yes.. I talk about myself in 3rd person.]

Well, there is a point in life when you're mature enough to actually handle all of these crazy things your body does. You need to wait to be serious in a relationship until an age at which the amounts of oxytocin and dopamine can be handled and your neuropathways are developed enough for you to make the best logical decisions rather than letting your limbic system (emotions!!) go all psycho on you.

There's a balance between logic and emotions that your body needs in order to keep you on a good path relationship-wise. If you're jumping into the physical side of a relationship too fast you might lose logic along the way. 

"As you are aware, kissing is more stimulating than satisfying; consequently, it invites more and more." -Bruce Monson, New Era June 2001

People always ask me: why wait physically? When you start jumping into a relationship physically it starts a stopwatch. Your body is expecting you to wind up at the end of the road-- intimately.

That's just how it works. 

It's not a bad thing-- your body has dopamine to heighten and encourage those experiences along with oxytocin to lock them all in but unless you're planning on reaching the end of the road you might want to watch how fast you're walking.

Here's a simple way to monitor your walking speed:

1: Acquaintances -----> Handshake

2: Friendship ----------> High five

3: Casual Dating -----> Brief hugs & flirtations

4: Serious Dating ----> Holding hands & kissing

5: Engagement -------> Lingering kisses

6: Marriage -----------> Intimacy (sex!)

These six levels of relationships should correspond to the six levels of physical actions. It makes sense that if you don't know someone well that you would simply shake hands with them, not make-out with them (NCMO!) or have a little sex fling. The opposite is also true-- how awkward would it be to only high-five your spouse?

Point is.. keep your lines horizontal. The further the tilt (ex: acquaintances --> intimacy), the more awkward and painful the situation is going to become.

Why do these lines become tilted? A few different reasons.. lack of communication, unresolved conflicts, and the one I actually want to talk about--

Boys use love to get sex and girls use sex to get love.

I'm not saying this is always true (it's not!) but more often than not this is the case. 

We see it all the time-- boys spend money on girls and plan special dates and tell them how beautiful they are to get some. 

[Not always-- hopefully they're doing it because they love the girl.. BUT..]

It's often an expectation that if you put forth the effort to make a girl feel like she is loved that you will in return be rewarded physically.

On the opposite side of the story, girls will kiss a guy and have sex with him to keep him around because she so desperately needs to feel loved.

So how do you break this balance of love for sex and sex for love?

You don't make it an option.

Often when this is happening you hear the phrase, "But I just can't help it."

NO! You can help it. You set in your mind what is an option and what is not. 

If you're open to the idea of not only playing this love/sex game but even falling in love before you are ready maturity-wise, it is going to happen because your mind okayed it. 

If you don't want those things to happen, then close your mind to that idea and stay away. Simple as that.

Point of this post-- there is a right time for everything.

When the timing and order is wrong it will inevitably lead to awkward confusion and heartache.

When the timing and order is right, fireworks.

It's like drinking orange juice.. 

A glass of orange juice is delicious in the morning with a nice minty brushing of the teeth afterwards.

But how good does orange juice taste after brushing your teeth?

Not so lovely anymore even though it is still the same orange juice as before.

Time and order people.. do it right.

Keep your lines horizontal.

Single Syndrome

There comes a time in almost every relationship blog and life of a young single adult when the question "Why aren't you married?" comes up. 

HERE IT IS!!

This version will be based off of the past 4 weeks of my life working at EFY.

It started the very first night before we (meaning- the counselors) even had our kids when we were reunited with our session director from the year before. To a girl I worked with this year and last year he said, "Hey, good to see you again this year! Why are you still here? Why aren't you married?" Later that first week one of my 14-year-old girls walked up to me one evening and very seriously asked, "Do you wonder if you'll ever get married?" I see comments all over the Facebook walls of other counselors saying, "You need to get married!" and hear that phrase or "They're so amazing.. Why aren't they married?" echoing through conversations during the week. During a long walk on the beach with a friend one night I semi-seriously joked about never finding anyone to marry and got the response of, "AMANDA!!! YOU'RE 21!!!!" I endure endless comments from my children telling me how perfect my co-counselor and I would be together while they force us to dance and arrange our future together. I was even engaged for 24-hours this week to one of my closest friends and co-counselor..

This topic of joy and concern already appears rather frequently in my life but has increased dramatically as my job has put me in an environment where such is overwhelmingly prevalent. 

Let me make this a little more personal-- I was a boy-crazy girl all through school.. eager to fall in love with the unrealistic expectation that I would be married at age 17-- right after I graduated high school. Starting college single, I laughed at that notion and continued with my boy-crazy habits. I stuck with a few different boys for a couple months at a time but never found a place I felt I truly belonged. Something changed that last year of college and I took relationships a lot more seriously but a permanent relationship did not result. People keep asking me, "Amanda.. why aren't you married?"

My answer: I thought I would be by now. It never fully occurred to me that I would make it all the way though a bachelors degree without at least coming close to that point in my life.

So.. why do I bring all of this up? Well, to vent of course. That's what this blog is for-- to relieve stress from my mind and share it with all of you. I bring this up because I want to put a different light on this topic than is usually read or seen. I'm not going to repeat the "wo is me... so 'old' and am not yet married with 3 babies.." or "I don't need a man in my life because I'm independent and can be happy without a husband." Gross.. let's leave those nauseating narrations for spam. 

No.. I wanted something different. I wanted to find something new on this exhausted subject and for the past week I've been looking for that something. I liked a status one of my girls from last year posted on Facebook:

"One day you'll realize that even though you're not perfect, someone truly loves you for who you really are." ~Sydney

I like that thought.. but it just doesn't invoke the passion I need to write a good post.

My search ended during a morningside on Thursday taught by Brother Larson in which we listened to a song off the EFY CD for this year: Arise and Shine.

The song is titled 'My Story' and I've been so kind to not only provide a YouTube link, but write out all the lyrics:

My Story

When I was a little girl I read fairy tales and wondered if they could happen to me

Now I see this is my once upon a time

I am the daughter of a King

And with every choice that I make

I write the next page

I don't know all the twists and the turns

but my journey is clear

I'm a child of infinite worth

There's a reason I'm here

I'll follow the path that's before me

This is my story

There are days when it seems the road in front of me is falling apart and I can't find my way

But I learned how to rely on the burning light that I have within me and I find faith to move forward until I can see just where it leads

CHORUS

Through every chapter my Father's love helps me know who I am

My ever after is a beautiful part of His bigger plan

CHORUS

Ohhhhh This is my story


Here's where you can download songs from the CD for free with this code: 4363742

I really like the two lines I underlined. It occurred to me that I need to stop trying to plan out every little detail of my life and just let it happen. I'm not saying give up on making decisions, just stop being so stressed out about it and let the little twists and turns happen without needing to predict them first. When I graduated from ASU people began demanding an answer for my plans so I came up with "taking a semester off" and went with it. The more I think about it the more excited I am for a semester to do all the things I never have time for and let my story write itself without me painfully forcing the words. I'm excited to discover all the twists and turns that will surely appear along the way and the great thing is, I know where I want to end up and the general path I need to get there so I'm going to let my story write itself. I know that God will give me my fairy tale if I allow Him to do so.

Sorry if this post was still a little on the same cliche and repetitive list..

Voldemort Teaches Chastity

Last week my building counselor (BC) asked a question when we met for everyone to get to know each other. 

Her question: What is your favorite movie/book and what gospel principle can you pull out of it?

I'm always looking for a good intro question and I discovered I really loved this one.

The movie I picked was Slumdog Millionaire. I quickly went over the plot-- a boy who is good to the core and through his entire life everything bad is happening to him... His one goal in life is to find the girl he's always been in love with and be with her.

Gospel principle: Even if we are doing the right thing our entire life, crap is going to happen. In the end though, our older brother (Christ) will sacrifice himself for us in order that we may have our happily ever after.

I think my movie is pretty bombdiggidy and I appreciated the different gospel principles I could have pulled out of it but there was another one that beat mine hands down--

Harry Potter!

One of the girls is far more obsessed than I am (she's read the entire series 49 times) and shared how she was nervous during a talk in church one day and ended up teaching gospel principles from Harry Potter the entire time.

I've discussed a few different gospel principles from Harry Potter before but there was one she talked about that I have never noticed-- the symbolism of the horcruxes.

Creating a horcrux is like breaking the law of chastity. 

In order to create a horcrux, you have to commit a major sin that tears your soul apart.

You put a piece of your soul into an object.

You can put the pieces of your soul back together but it is painful and requires complete remorse for what you did. 

Isn't it the same with breaking the law of chastity? It is one of the greatest sins and will tear us apart. We leave pieces of ourselves with those that we have intimate relations. It is possible to repent of this sin but it requires a broken heart and feeling true remorse for what you did.

It's amazing what you can learn from movies, ya?