I'm going to attempt to incorporate two separate ideas into one blog post.
And don't worry about my self esteem.. I promise it's just fine.
The first is a concept that originated from a summer at a BSA camp:
Spam Delight
I was once 1 of 4 girls working at a camp full of boys for the summer. You can probably imagine the amount of attention I received. Receiving that much attention can make you feel pretty darn special.
A similar scenario took place over Spring Break during which, once again, I was 1 of 4 girls in a group of guys. Same kind of deal.
Here's where the Spam comes in:
If you offer someone the choice of eating steak or Spam, a majority of the time they're going to pick steak. Why? Because it's real meat. It's delicious (some think) and makes a wonderful meal.
While many think Spam is still pretty good, it's just not steak. It has its own qualities about it, but it will never be as great as steak.
BUT.. if the only thing you have to offer is Spam, everyone's gonna eat it up without hesitation.
Why? Because when you're starving you don't have the option to be picky and you'll be enthusiastic with anything you can get your hands on.
Now incorporate this food lesson into my camp story. With only 4 girls in a group of predominately males, girls become a precious commodity. It doesn't matter if these are steak girls or Spam girls because after an amount of time, it simply doesn't matter.
I pointed this out to a group of my drunken geology friends to which one replied,
"At the very least you're spam sushi."
But am I? How are you supposed to read people's reactions to an unknown food when in these types of circumstances they're bound to react the exact same way no matter what is being served?
Yeah, yeah I realize that you don't have to determine the difference between steak and Spam by the way other people perceive their food, but still.. most people won't tell you the truth to your face. Is the guy who is kissing you going to tell you that you're a bad kisser? Of course not. Are you going to saw how awful someone's first meal they cooked tastes? No way.. you're going to choke it down because that's what people do. They keep the other person happy because they don't want to disappoint or be the bearer of bad news.
I discovered this week that there are the few who do lay out the truth quite a bit more than most and to be honest, it makes you take a step back. It's surprising and intimidating and makes you reevaluate your own choices of answers and shared thoughts. It's a difficult thing to become accustomed to but for now, I think it is a healthy trait to explore.
Anyways, I lost where I was originally going with this post so ta-da! It's over.
;)
wow, so i kinda feel like a blog stalker but some of your ideas intrigue, so i decide to comment. This is a really good point. but how would you suggest telling someone they're "spam"? Not that I'm trying to treat them so, but for instance I can see when someone is in a spam-like circumstance? Is it unethical to enjoy being in a spam-ish experience? Do you tell them so? or just watch and hope for the best. hmm just voicing questions here, though. don't feel obligated to comment.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest Matt, I love that you comment on my blog posts. Your feedback is actually really helpful and gives me good ideas for further posts or simply a better perspective on what I already wrote about.
DeleteThat's a really difficult set of questions you brought up and my mind never got past the fact that people don't tell others that they're Spam.
As much as I sometimes wish someone would tell me that I'm Spam, I am not sure that's something you can effectively tell someone. I say effectively because once you insult someone that much, they become defensive and it is going to take a lot of work to build that relationship back up. Rather than telling someone that they are Spam, maybe you could help them to become steak. It's one thing to tell someone that as a whole they're merely average, but if you delicately point out one or two things every so often that could be improved, they're usually willing to cooperate.
As for taking this on a bigger level than just you and a Spam person interacting, it gets really tricky jumping in on someone in a Spam-like circumstance. I often have a very prideful set of mind that degrades a lot of people down to Spam so if one Spam is getting attention from a steak or even another Spam, I think heck... go for it. Dealing with Spam takes a lot of humility and a desire to see the steak parts of them because no one is purely Spam..
I don't know if I would tell someone in a spam-like circumstance. It would really depend on all the other factors. If they are happy and being treated well by someone who loves them, then no.. I probably wouldn't say anything. Again, people get defensive and sometimes they know what is better for them than you think you do. One of my best friends just moved out of her boyfriend's apartment yesterday which is something I have always wanted for her in my mind because I know she deserves better, but I didn't really say much while they were dating because she wasn't being hurt and I was hoping that the boyfriend would step it up a little and I wanted to give him that chance. The last couple days reached the point when it was obvious that he's not going to change and he was hurting her so at that point, yes, I did step in and confirm to her that she can do better and she needs to get out of that situation.
It is unethical to enjoy being in a spam-ish experience? No, I wouldn't say that. I'm not sure which side of the experience you're referring to being on but as someone who has been treated like steak in these situations, I find the experience to be needed. I like being reminded that I am beautiful and an amazing person, even if in the real world I am just spam-sushi. As for being the leader who has a pool of spam/steak to choose from, I think it is also a really good experience to get to know people in a different setting and level of attention than you may normally.
I hope I answered most of your questions. If I missed something or there's anything else, let me know. Discussions like this help me to develop these ideas in my mind which is a large reason I post them in the first place.
You're right. No one is all spam. I like that a lot. It's interesting because I believe sometimes we get so fixated on finding a steak, we forget that we should probably be working just as hard to eliminate the spam in ourselves as finding the steak we hope to end up with. (sorry I can't help but laugh, taken out of context this is hilarious.)
ReplyDeleteTact is a gift and one to be worked on and improved; you're right, it seems best to approach it carefully in any of the ways you choose to address the problem, if it can be considered a problem.
This is gonna come off really corny and who knows what else BUT its important. Manda, you are much more than spam-sushi. You may think I'm giving you an icecream cone or you may not need to hear it at all but there ya go.
That said, I was going to elaborate on one of the questions earlier in the week but I've totally forgotten what it was soooooo... guess i'm done.