Waterproof Rainbow

"I am a rainbow with a waterproof seal."

That's what the About Me section on Facebook will tell you.

What a phrase of contradictions.

I came up with the idea during one of my many musings on a ValleyMetro #30 bus a few years back.

I was just killing some time trying out a paint program on my laptop and before I knew it, I had hit a jackpot of phrases.

Breaking it down:

"I am a rainbow"

A rainbow is:

An arch of colors formed in the sky in certain circumstances, caused by the refraction and dispersion of the sun's light by rain or other water droplets in the atmosphere

Only truly seen in the rarest of circumstances, a rainbow is a beautiful display of color that everyone takes a second to stop and examine.

Although a rainbow, in a sense, doesn't exist on it's own. It is the product of hundreds of refractions of light from raindrops that somehow order madness into something literally untouchable.

"rainbow with a waterproof seal"

Of course a rainbow can't be waterproof because it is water that provides the means for it's existence. Then what am I meaning? An untouchable barrier diving the magic from a destructive world.

Can I be such a beautiful contradiction of organized madness that is protected by part of it's own self?

A couple months ago I lost sight of who I was. I realized I was simply going through motions with nothing to live for and it was immensely depressing. I felt that I had lost my passion for life along with any direction as to a future.

So I began this post.. piecing together bit by bit the things that I have a deep love for that make me want to get up in the morning and sing.

Here's what I have come up with: 

Dancing: 

I really love dancing. I like watching it and participating in it myself. Unfortunately, it takes me a while to let down the self conscious walls when I dance so I've never let myself take it to the level I wish I would. I enjoy the escape dancing provides for my mind-- all my attention is focused on the style of each second and is filled with an unexplainable joy for its beauty.

The video below is one of my favorites to watch to brighten up any moment of my day.

Sign Language:

My experience with signing started as a random interest and developed into a love. I love how expressive of a language it is. Rather than varying intonations in your voice, your body language shows emotion.

Geology:

As much as I gripe about some of my school assignments at times, I really love geology. I love it in a different way than most expect. I love the visual appeal. I love impossibility that such magnificent things are possible. I love the chemistry how elements arrange themselves to form minerals and the way carbonates cycle through an ocean system. I love how it is possible to use a grain of sand to trace wind or water movement.

 

Modeling: It's something I've always had an attraction for although not in the sense that people normally associate to modeling. I like modeling because it gives me some sense of control for capturing the exact moment or emotion I am striving to contain in a picture. My frustrations come in on this topic because I can't both be in the picture and take it. It's a lot more difficult to instruct another to do one of those for you in the way you want than you would think.

Fairy tales:

I believe with all my heart in modern day fairy tales. That's why I am so interested in relationships. I want to understand the mechanics behind the big picture and construct that magic in my own life and the lives of others.

Wedding dresses: 

I really love looking at and analyzing wedding dresses. I used to spend hours on the internet searching through images that caught my attention. I can't really say what it is about them that captures me. Maybe it is their symbolism. Maybe it is the reservation of the color white for only wedding gowns. They're so specific-- it's not just any dress that you think is pretty. It's the exact dress that defines precisely who you are and want to be.

Orange flowers: 

I can't put my thoughts to words on this love of mine. Orange flowers are simply untouchable.

Henna:

I really need to get back into this hobby. I used to tattoo myself and friends all the time with this smelly goo. I like that henna is so natural and semi-permanent. My kind of artwork.

Traveling:

Oh my heavens I love traveling. I've been so many places and I haven't regretted a single dollar spent. I love the different cultures around the world. The way the society is structured and how people treat each other and what their priorities are. It's absolutely beautiful.

Temples:

I love that I live in a time when I have access to a house of God. I love knowing that the things that matter most to me in life are the things that I can have forever.

Summer jobs:

I love working summer jobs. Whether I am a ranger at a boy scout camp who spends her days walking down cliff faces, jumping off towers, and blowing up plastic bats or a youth counselor dancing like an idiot, mending broken hearts, and praying for strength.. it is something I can't get enough of. I attribute a great deal of who I am to the past several summers of my life in which I have learned priceless lessons and developed qualities and loves I doubted I could ever have.

Midnight premiers:

I really like dressing up for midnight premiers and waiting in line all day. It's not because I'm obsessive over the movie itself-- I mean, come on now.. the picture below if from New Moon and I could just pick it up from a Redbox if I ever felt inclined. No, its not the movie that makes the magic. It's the atmosphere. Like going to a high school football game-- you're not there to watch them play. You're there to be a cheering member of the crowd.

Photography:

Every once in a while I pretend I've got skill at taking pictures. Most of the shots I capture I don't claim to be anything spectacular but there are those unpredictable moments that every once in a while I get lucky enough to preserve forever.

Remodeling:

I absolutely love remodeling houses. I'm not talking about furniture and wall hangings (although those can be fun too). No, I'm talking about the back-aching, sweat dripping, dust choking work that has to be done first. That's right-- ripping up carpeting. Scraping off popcorn ceilings. Painting walls. Tiling or fitting wood flooring. That's what I really love.

Emo:

I have an odd itch for emo hair styles quite often. I think they're absolutely fantastic and I wish I had the cojones to live that dream 24/7. To me it is the perfect mix of style with rebellion and I crave it.

Ocean:

I am of the belief that the ocean is pretty fan-freakin-tastic. Whether I'm kayaking, snorkeling, swimming, or simply studying it in school, I can't seem to get enough.

Creepering:

I love stalking people. Nothing harmful or illegal of course, but I find great interest in learning as much as I can about people and then dropping off creepy notes or presents for them when I need a break from reality.

And.. that's me. Those are the things that I have control of in my life that I have chosen to define who I am and bring me joy. When I am lost, feeling that even I don't know myself, I retreat to these loves to help me find who I am once again.