I CHOSE to be more than pretty good

Pretty Good

by Charles Osgood from the Osgood File, 1986
There once was a pretty good student 

Who sat in a pretty good class 

And was taught by a pretty good teacher 

Who always let pretty good pass. 

He wasn’t terrific at reading, 

He wasn’t a whiz-bang at math, 

But for him, education was leading 

Straight down a pretty good path. 

He didn’t find school too exciting, 

But he wanted to do pretty well, 

And he did have some trouble with writing 

Since nobody taught him to spell. 

When doing arithmetic problems, 

Pretty good was regarded as fine. 

5+5 needn’t always add up to be 10;

A pretty good answer was 9. 

The pretty good class that he sat in 

Was part of a pretty good school, 

And the student was not an exception: 

On the contrary, he was the rule.

The pretty good school that he went to 

Was there in a pretty good town, 

And nobody there seemed to notice 

He could not tell a verb from a noun. 

The pretty good student in fact was 

Part of a pretty good mob. 

And the first time he knew what he lacked was 

When he looked for a pretty good job. 

It was then, when he sought a position, 

He discovered that life could be tough, 

And he soon had a sneaking suspicion 

Pretty good might not be good enough. 

The pretty good town in our story 

Was part of a pretty good state 

Which had pretty good aspirations 

And prayed for a pretty good fate. 

There once was a pretty good nation 

Pretty proud of the greatness it had, 

Which learned much too late, 

If you want to be great, 

Pretty good is, in fact, pretty bad.

So... the purpose to this post. For my senior highschool yearbook I was interviewed and asked why I wanted to be in the top 20 of my class. I actually did not remember this or what my response was until Matt read it to me a week ago.

 "I choose to be in the top 20 because what I want to achieve can only come from a lot of work. There is no easy path." 

I wish I could say that now. I wish I knew exactly what it is I want and cared enough to give everything I have to make it happen. I wish I was brave enough and confident enough and trusting to the point that even in my exhausted state I would be a bit more comfortable with the choices I am making. 

Don't get me wrong-- I'm not saying I am depressed and have screwed up. There's a lot in my life that I'm proud of myself for accomplishing. There's a lot that I still work hard for and am motivated to achieve. 

I just wish I would quit messing around with the things I love so much that don't matter and have the courage and motivation to be the person I want to be. 

I'm so sick of people wanting to be things but not ever becoming those things. 

I'm not that kind of person. 

In the end, it doesn't even really matter right now. False.

Once upon a time, in a made up world, theoretically I had a friend who for simplicity's sake we'll just say was exactly like me and she was in love with a boy exactly like you. But remember, this is all entirely made up. Theoretical. A fantasy. Psh don't even give it a second thought.

SO...

One day there I (meaning my friend in her theoretical situation) was just minding my own business which was probably a bad thing because there was a really boring person talking that I should have been paying attention to but said person it entirely irrelevant.... when I spotted you being so obviously yourself and began by creeperin to discover your secrets. We sat by each other one day and I pretended to ignore you which apparently I've done more than once now except this last time I really was oblivious. Then, being the loser I was I scoped out your information and made one of my best friends talk to you first. Turns out that best friend of mine is now one of your best friends too. And eventually I said hi. Actually I said more than that. My poor mouth just spilled out all your personal information that I had creeped and for some reason you did not run away screaming. Your bad. Time went by and I was entirely myself slacking on school work and obsessing over boys. And I didn't care that that was who I was and I didn't care that you saw me as that person. We spent plenty of 1-on-1 time together but it was never a date because such a scenario just wasn't part of our friendship. Then one day.. something happened and everything changed. And I hate myself for it. Hate that everything I had going for me is suddenly on the line. Hate that I now care that you might think that I'm a lazy boy obsessed waste of time. Hate that I'm too scared of an answer to ask the question.

Good thing this is all my friend's theoretical problem, right?

In honor of the 7th Harry Potter being released:

A fantastic writer with well worded humor and a love for Harry Potter created this for a project at school.

http://chumweb.byu.edu/chum250/_sec002/bronson/quibbler.html

It's the most exciting edition of the Quibbler so far. Harry Potter fans- enjoy.

Editing: Now I know why everyone else looked so hott in their pictures.

Some time around a year ago Stephannie and I did a little photo shoot. I never got around to editing any of the pictures but tonight I am supposed to being writing a forever long paper on a forever long project. Let's just say that my fridge is clean, the trash has been taken out, the dishes are done, the microwave is clean, these pictures have been edited and in an hour or two my room just might get rearranged. Again.

1st picture is the original, 2nd is the edited.

BTW-- I wouldn't mind feedback.

An entirely different part of work/a job.

I am constantly discovering how much of my job is simply keeping people happy. Keeping the customers happy. Keeping the paperwork people happy. Keeping my bosses happy. Truly-- most of my efforts go to keeping my boss happy because if they're not happy-go-lucky content, work is stressful and a little bit closer to hell than I would like.
The biggest problem though is my bosses are often much more of a pain in the butt than any customers are. I still get told how to do certain things that I've been doing for over a year... Its not my fault that I have school field trips that I have to take off every week... I didn't actually screw up that order-- that was the less than average in the area of common sense person you just hired... The customer wouldn't have looked at you like you were crazy when you asked them that question if you would have listened to me telling you over and over again that you were talking to the wrong car in drive through...
Then there is the other kind of boss who won't even let you work. What's the purpose of hiring someone when you don't have anything productive for them to do? It's really not necessary to practically babysit me by filling my hours with meaningless work. Well, at least then I'm actually getting hours instead of you constantly sending me home and telling me I can make up the hours later... which actually, I can't. Or my favorite is when I'm a minute late and you just decide to not show up at all because you're so terribly busy socializing at another coffee hour...

So really--- I understand why people just work for themselves. It's not that my jobs are bad. They're actually fabulous and I love them but it's all the other unnecessary drama and wasted time that has me frustrated.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry

It amazes me how the stupidest things can occur and somehow they make the time at work a bit more enjoyable.

This post is a composition of a few things that you probably don't care about on the subject of Bahama Bucks. (really though-- if you don't care-- why are you even reading this blog in the first place? We all know it's worthless unless you're extremely bored or a creeper)

A few things I know that apparently your mommy never taught you:
(yes Stephannie.. I did like your idea and copy it)
1- I can shut a door. Especially when it's 78 inside and 100+ outside.
2- I can throw my trash in the garbage.
3- I know you have to be more specific with your order than simply "I want a shaved ice"
4- I know the difference between flavors being "mixed" or "side-by-side"
5- I know that blue raspberry is indeed blue.
6- I'm very aware that there is a difference in the appearance of the flavors root beer float (neon brown colored) and birthday cake (off white with sprinkles)
7- I know an expiration date means that once that date is reached, the coupon is invalid. null. useless. And no, I cannot simply pretend it's not.
8- I know that 15-year-olds are not allowed to sell you alcoholic shaved ice.

The comedians of my customer pool:
1- The husband of the woman who always gets an A SF str cheese/SF ban C. He likes to wear shorty shorts and play Bop It Extreme.
2- The fat people that are so large they have to open the door of their car so they have enough room to reach in their back pocket and pull out their wallet.
3- The man who wears always orders a R #16 wc/c and wears a hat that has fake hair on top
4- The large twin texters who ordered identical avalanche cherry BRMs.

Unfortunately its against the rules to slap you:
1- The people in drive through who never say anything and I have to walk them through every single item asking, "shaved ice? OK what flavor? Do you want those side-by-side or mixed? What size? Do you want cream on it?......." while all the while I am trying to figure out which of the 3 people are actually talking to me and wondering why someone doesn't just smother that baby that's coughing next to the speaker? AND then for some reason they think I'm the one who is retarded and decide to deafen me by shouting into the speaker while my face is right next to it trying to figure out what the heck they're ordering.
2- The dad who is entirely oblivious to the fact that while he was failing to make a decision on his order, his 2-year-old daughter has already licked and thrown away 3 of the suckers on the counter that he had already told her not to eat. BTW-- she really didn't like the mango/chili mexican one. Oh look-- now you are somehow not seeing her take 20 straws and 50 napkins....
3- The teenage boy who thinks he's quite something and likes to come in with his palios almost every Friday and trash the place while he eats Super Sour Watermelon and grape mixed all the while putting on a show as he tells his friends to clean everything up. Apparently they're all deaf.
4- Any guy who asks me if "that hott blonde girl" will be working and if they can have her number.
5- The guy who hit on me while putting down his girlfriend. Double fail.. We have words for men like you.
6- People who aren't diabetic and order baby sized no sugar, no calories, no carbs shaved ice. You do realize you can order an avalanche and it still won't make you fat....
7- The guys who feels the need to always upsize what their date ordered. Because they're a "man." Oh, and really-- don't order first unless she says to-- there are still these things called manners and etiquette.

Well, that's all for now. But seriously-- I think the quote "the gene pool could use a little chlorine" fits perfectly here.

Let Me Call You Sweetheart

There comes a time in life when you must make some kind of conclusion about homosexuals. It's quite simple to not do so-- always pushing the idea to the side and classifying it as something not really part of  your world but let's face it... it is. The concept of people being homosexual is one that doesn't frequent my mind too often. Why? Not so much that I have not had enough interactions with it in my life but that I cannot understand it and that frustrates me to the point that it is easier to simply leave things on the point that some people are attracted to the opposite sex and choose to act on those inclinations. But that's where I leave it at. I have long past quit trying to explain to myself why they have that inclination, when they "became" homosexual, or if it is actually something that exists. It's not something I have personally experienced so my answers for those things are extremely limited. 

What are my personal experiences with homosexuals you may ask? Well, thinking on it now I believe it started with Christian Siriano. Yes, that fierce designer that was once on the show Project Runway. I never gave homosexuality much thought then because that was simply who Christian was. He was a hilariously charming clothing designer who I came to adore. So what if he liked to try on his own dresses he made? So what if he once had someone carry him around in his man purse? That is just Christian.

After that hit Proposition 8/102. That one really bothered me. I still haven't made a decision about which way I would have voted. I have a firm belief that it is only natural and right that a man and woman be together, not 2 men or 2 women. I would rather not live my life surrounded by couples of the same sex. I do not want my children to be raised in a world where in school they are taught about Bob and Joe falling in love and having a family and just how exactly that works because at home that world does not exist. I don't want my daughter to take a human sexuality class at ASU and have her be the minority because she doesn't agree with the latest paper topic on homosexuality. OK so easy-- I would vote yes for the proposition that marriage should only be between a man and woman. But I also read the proposition to mean a lot of other things. By voting no I am saying I don't think homosexuals should be able to marry the person they choose. I realize that if people voted yes for everyone to do what they wanted then there would be chaos but I just think that things like religion and marriage are touchy subjects when it comes to the law and they require a lot of thought and discussion. In my Mormon marriage bible on the subject of same-sex marriage I have found a few points that I agree on. 1-"We regard it as not only our right but our duty to oppose those forces which we feel undermine the moral fiber of society." So that's the why to involvement with the government. 2- "There is no justification to redefine what marriage is. Such is not our right, and those who try will find themselves answerable to God." They have a point.. I mean truly-- sex only works between people of the opposite sex so logically same-sex attraction does not make sense. It all relates back to Darwin -> the purpose is to carry on your species.. which is only possible if the puzzle pieces fit. The family is the most important thing in this world so how can I agree with something that so strongly opposes the thing I believe in the most?

My next major interaction with the world of homosexuals occurred on a trip to California one Spring Break. I went to Disneyland with three of my best friends and on the way we picked up their friend Dana who is a lesbian. I admit, I was a little bit nervous about that. After meeting Dana, you can't help but love her and become instant friends. And she is an amazing person-- and ya know what, it doesn't matter to me what her sexual orientation is.. she's just Dana. 

In one of my classes I befriended "Gay Steve" who is happily in love with his partner and is very open about his attraction to other males. And he's a great guy who's fun to work with and be around.

Truly, this list could contain so many things. 

But on to the reason this whole post and idea got started in my head-- one of my closest friends from back in day has informed me that he is gay and always has been gay. And you know what? It makes you think... it makes you walk through all your memories and reevaluate them in an entirely new way. It is confusing and frustrating and heartbreaking. It makes you wonder why things happened the way they did and how this shattered reality really fits back together. And it makes you doubt. It makes you doubt how such a thing as being homosexual can even exist when you've seen someone's life entirely turn around. And it makes you love them. Love them because they're your friend and they're still the same person. I don't know how it all fits together or if its really true but when it comes down to it.. it just really doesn't matter.