A Woman of Strength

One of our lessons in church today was on the topic of being in control of your life and focusing on being the person you want to be instead of worrying that others are not being/choosing the way you would have them be/choose. 

As Annie put it- (paraphrased quote) "There is this guy that I really like who unfortunately doesn't return those emotions. I can't make him like me. I only have control of myself so I am working on myself and becoming who I want to be. If some day he changes his mind then great! I'll be more prepared to be with him. If he never changes his mind, well.. then that just sucks." 

Most people have a list of some sorts- whether mentally or actually written down- of what they are looking for in a spouse. I've heard a lot of controversy on doing that. Personally, I have some things written down on a list. I don't have every little thing written down, nor do I expect to find someone who fits every little thing I would love to have in a husband. I think it is important to have a strong sense of the person you are looking for but to still be open to new traits. 

I know a few people who say they want to marry a stake president/ S.P.'s wife. Or bishop or mission president etc.... And then there are those who scoff at that goal and say that one needs to not be so picky/expecting-- that they just want to find someone that they love and makes them happy and they will make them happy in return. 

I see points for both sides but I will always have the mind set of the first due to something my mom told me at a young age. She told me to think of the men in our ward who were the kind of men I wanted to marry some day. And then... she told me to look at their wives. THAT is what I need to become to marry the kind of man I want. If I want to marry a future stake president, I need to be a stake president's wife. I find power in using that standard as a goal. Rather than just looking to love and make someone happy there are exact things that I can strive for. I may not ever be a stake president's wife. I may be just a wife. And that's okay. It is not a demeaning position. 

We cannot create a stake president/ S.P. wife UNLESS we are creating ourselves. We have power over 1 person and that is ourselves. 

And as we do all that is in our power to work on ourselves, it is then that we will find what we are looking for.

A fantastic read for the educated mind.

I've never posted a link on here for any of the blogs that I read but I was immensely impressed by a couple posts the other day and here is one that I feel is appropriate to share. 

Lonely Paren

It's fantastic... and not personal to the point in which the reader must know the author in order to fully appreciate the post. 

But beware..... your mind may get a bit tangled. 

Enjoy!

Time vs. Priority

This is a subject I have always been a little uptight about so I will keep it sweet and to the point. 

There is a difference between can't and won't. 

I often hear things like, "I can't blah blah blah..... I don't have time." OR "I can't go do this fun thing with you.... I don't have money." OR "I can't like you because of blah blah blah." 

(And I promise this blog is not focused on anyone specifically at all.)

Here's the thing.......... It's not that you can't. It is that you won't. Do NOT make excuses. It's insulting and annoying. If you want something in your life, you will find the time... you will find the money..... you will make the sacrifice... to MAKE IT WORK. 

Why? Because it is something you want. 

So don't excuse it as an impossible task. ANYTHING is an option if you want it to be. 

Doneski. 

Dear High School Self...

This letter was written for a class assignment today. I have written letters to my future self but it never occurred to me to write one to the past. It was written quickly and started off in a joking manner but ended turning out fairly sincere. Enjoy. And I encourage you to write a letter to your high school self too. It will help you sort out your priorities and see how much you've learned and grown.

8/25/11

Dear High School Amanda,
There are four main points I would like to make in writing this letter. They begin with boys, include physical appearance and social life, and end with academics.
Honey, boys are not everything in the world. Deep down you knew that but you spent far too large of a portion of your attention span dedicated to them. For heaven sakes, butterflies?! You gave each boy a color of butterfly? That was beyond excessive. Know that eventually boys become men. Well, not always, but many do. Know that the first boy you thought you cared about just might be homosexual and start dating an Asian pole dancer with bleach blonde hair. There was no need to think it was the end of the world when he moved away and left you at home eating salad. Have high expectations for the man (not boy) you will marry some day. Don’t settle for mediocre when you are meant to become the person your dream husband is looking for.
As for physical appearance, sports in lieu of books is an acceptable replacement at times. It might have aided your progress to a rockin’ hott body a little bit sooner. However, physical appearance really isn’t all it is made out to be. It is necessary to take care of yourself but do not obsess over appearance. And always remember, while modest is not hottest like all those Mormons claim it is, modest is most beautiful. And you want to be beautiful, not hott. “Immodesty is like rolling in manure. You only attract the pigs and flies.” You’ll deal with enough pigs and flies in your life. Don’t create a situation in which to invite it into your life any further.
As for a social life, get one. It’s great that you have three of the best friends in the world but branch out. Be the one to unite all the different groups you somehow fit into. Have the courage to friendship those who you will not allow yourself to party with but can still create amazing relationships with and focus on the good things you can do together. Step outside of your comfort zone because as you do you will discover traits and qualities in yourself that you never knew you had. You have the gift of being able to accept people- no matter how different from you they are. You automatically have a deep love for people in your life, even if most (yourself included) do not understand why. Use your social life to explore new options and opinions and allow those to develop your own thoughts and ideas. More than anything, be yourself. There is only one of you on this earth and there is a reason you are the way you are.
As for academics, I am so proud of you. You dedicated a huge portion of your life to working hard in the area of academics and it paid off. You’ll understand some day just how important those $36,000 you’re working to earn via a scholarship will be. That money will keep you out of debt and put you in a financial situation in which you can use the rest of your funds to see the world like you’ve always dreamed of doing. You believe that the reason you work hard in school and life is because nothing you want to achieve/become in life is accomplished without a great deal of hard work. Keep believing in that and use it during those times you lack motivation. You have the power to become absolutely anything you want which not only includes wonderful good things but also things that you won’t be proud of. Don’t live your life in a way that you will look back full of pain and regrets.
High school self, you are on a really good path so far. You have your issues but in the next couple years you’ll mature and look back on things you are working towards and be proud of your progress. Don’t forget to set goals, wake up every morning with a smile, and open your textbook every once in a while instead of just buying them and then selling them back. Don’t doubt that your dreams won’t come true. As long as you stay true to who you are and always work hard towards your goals, you will obtain and become everything you have ever wanted. Believe. Hope. Endure.

All my love and support,
Modern day me.

Why do I like you?

A genius idea occurred to me while driving home tonight. I figured out why we like certain people. We always say we like a certain person because of things about them-- whether it is because they are funny or a kind person or..... (I really don't want to take the time to come up with a creative list.) But the point is, we tell ourselves that we like them because of who they are, right? And that is partially correct, but there is more to the situation. 

We like people because when we are with them/in contact with them we like who we ourselves are. 

Yes, I like that person because they are funny but really... I like them because I feel happy due to who they are. It is how we feel and react that creates our opinions.. not just the traits of the person. 

This is really just a spur of the moment thought/idea so I am sure there is a lot more I could eventually add or learn on this topic but I think it is a brilliant start. 

Seriously.. just think about it for 30 seconds.. it is an interesting perspective.

Computer class -> Simplified dating.

Please watch this video and then appreciate with me the simple magic that occurred. 

I'm slightly worried about that boy-- he comes off as a little creepy. I mean, I wouldn't even write that kind stuff and most of you know that if I have something to say I just share it. However, I am not creepy enough to go as far as ending an obviously obsessed, nervous letter with "Dreaming of You" even if its entirely true that I seem to dream about you far too often. 

Also.... heaven help this boy for suggesting MMORPGs. Poor girl. I highly discourage life consuming video games as a first date activity.

I honestly want to try this some day and see how it turns out. Not necessarily for a tacky date invite via email but maybe for something else. 

One thing that I do know though.. even though my intelligence has been insulted in this 100 level computer class of mine... I think it will be my favorite class of the semester. 

Have I mentioned how much I despise cell phones?

I realize this is a fantastically horrible picture but if you aren't able to decipher what it is I'll just tell you.

It is a line at Disneyland in which every single person in the big group in front of us is sitting isolated texting on their cell phones. 

I just didn't want to turn the flash on and make it super obvious that I was taking creepy pictures of them. Plus my camera was still on underwater mode-- something I discovered was an option while on hall duty at EFY.

Truth is-- I appreciate having a cell phone and I appreciate that most everyone else has one too. They are extremely convenient but here's why I don't like them.

And I entirely include myself in this list of tacky annoying things people do because of cell phones.

1. They are used as props. 

Ever walk around school and see someone you don't want to talk to? What do you do? Oh right.. pull out your cell phone and pretend you're intently busy texting.

Or how about this one... awkward elevator rides.. Everyone knows that you get no service in half the elevators at ASU but guess how many people are still "using" them in elevators anyways?

Or here's where I am most guilty: Uncomfortable social scenes. I honestly do not always enjoy socializing- especially in big groups. Its not so bad when you have a buddy with you but when its everyone 1-on-1 or you're in a group in which everyone belongs except yourself..... yeah that is when the cell phone comes out. Dances. Game nights. Massive Disneyland gatherings. Munch & Mingle/Linger Longer.. Those are situations I sometimes feel excessively uncomfortable in and my phone provides an excuse for me to not feel as if I am standing out awkwardly in a crowd.

2. They limit real conversations. 

If you're with someone.. don't be texting. It's rude. It is one thing if its your best friend and you're just hanging out like you do every single other day but if you're just 1-on-1 with someone it is disrespectful to pull out your phone and prove to them that they're obviously not that important in your life. 

Or on dates... big no and honestly, I've never had this be too much of an issue with guys I've gone out with and that is something I've taken notice of and appreciated. One of the best things I've ever been told in my life was this summer with my friend took me out to lunch. I was texting back someone I was interested in and he told me, "If you're texting him then you're paying for your own meal." It was a really good reality check and made me realize just how rude I had been. 

Texting limits real conversations. I would say that it bothers me when someone only texts me but to be honest, I'm so accustomed to it that it doesn't bother me as much as it should. As much as I don't like only texting, I'm super guilty of this. Why don't I just call? Because I feel like I'm intruding on their busy schedule and don't want to take up too much unwanted time whereas a text can be more easily ignored or pushed off until they have time available to reply. Another part is that texting allows the sender more time to answer rather than blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. One of my absolute favorite things to do used to be to talk to my best friend on the phone all night but there is always the fear that with other people it won't be quite that simple and an extremely awkward phone conversation might follow. 

3. Phones can control your life.

One of my session directors this summer had all the kids look at their phones and say, "I own you. You don't own me." I think that is something we need to be repeating constantly. Face it, we're addicted to electronics. We have to have them with us. I suppose we'll all have to accept that to a certain level but I feel like there are times when phones should remain off. For example: as stated before, dates. Church. While we sleep. During activities. Unless you are literally on call for your job or your wife might go into labor any minute... you don't need your phone with you every second! It is not necessary that someone be able to get ahold of you at any second of every day. No! No no no. Just turn it off and breathe! Seriously.. try this out. Go somewhere, do something and leave your phone off. It is slightly stressful but after you get past that initial separation it is one of my favorite things to do now. Do it!

I guess my purpose in writing this is to bring awareness to us all of our phone habits and encourage each of us to analyze those actions and take on a couple goals in this area because there is always room for improvement.