Strawberry Blonde

I have this vendetta against blondes. Funny thing-- I am one.

Hopefully only in the sense of hair color.

I sometimes take the obsession of avoiding blondes too far-- to the point that ordering the "Strawberry Blonde" specialty ice cream from Cold Stone makes me just the slightest bit uncomfortable.

You see, I don't like the term blonde when it is categorized as a personality trait rather than a natural born physical trait.

There are a few types of blondes in this world-

there are Barbara Jeans.. the ones who are pure to the core but simply haven't got a clue.

there are the naturals.. whose only crime in life was to be born with a certain type of genes.

there are the lethal blondes.. who play the games of sexy lust.

and..

there are the acquired blondes.

Acquired blondes are those who have spent their life focused on a goal that I have never made an honest effort to understand.

A goal to be blonde.. to be wanted and accepted by shaping themselves into who they think the popular class is looking for.

This may include pieces of all the other types of blondes. They may be clueless. They may have blonde hair. They may be hott to trot. 

And every once in a while the slightest idea passes through my mind that I am an acquired blonde. 

It happens at random times--

When I often miss a topic of tremendous importance in the news whether its a natural disaster or the latest election.

When I spend money and time on having my hair or nails pampered.

When I am entirely clueless to 9/10 Trivial Pursuit Q&A.

When I chew bubblegum in a classroom full of geologists while wearing a hot pink skirt.

When I receive a good grade in a class that I know I haven't put any work into.

When I relapse back to a past romantic interest simply out of comfort.

When I spend a day tanning by the pool while everyone else around me is working.

When I talk about all the many fantastic trips around the world I've been on even though I can't really say I've ever once had a real source of income.

And... it worries me.

You see, I want to be a Reba. 

I want to be fiery and sassy and unpolished.

I want to make a statement.

Sure, I play the game... 

It's really not that hard-- you simply have to be able to predict and gauge others' actions as a result of the slightest adjustments to your own typical behavior. 

Let me throw out a few examples:

If you are in a new situation or don't have all the answers to someone's questions- be confident. People will believe almost anything you say or do if you show absolute confidence. Even if it is wrong.

If you want someone specific to talk to you- do your research and "randomly" show up somewhere you know they'll be and then indifferently allow them to inform you of something you already know from stalking then and pretend you're surprised. It's a great way to become introduced to a new person or simply reconnect with an old one. However, this should not be used excessively.

If you want someone to view you a certain way- perhaps throw some confusing miscommunication into your appearance. People get hooked on contradictions. Wear a simple outfit but then throw on some attention-getting lipstick to make a statement. Maybe pay particular attention to styling your hair but then wear a t-shirt and jeans to give the appearance of being uninterested. 

If you want someone's thoughts/opinions to follow a certain path, drop unnoticeable hints and set things up precariously as to not make them consciously aware of your manipulation.

That's really what it comes down to most of the time. 

Manipulation. 

You can manipulate a situation in so many ways but in the end, it's going to come back to the cold, hard facts.

You can't play the confidence roll forever-- one day someone's actually going to realize that you haven't got a clue. If one thing is not your strong interest as far as intellectual things go- discover what is.

I could die of boredom collecting information from the news each night but I could spend a lifetime learning how to repair things (physically, mentally, and emotionally)

You can't always walk around in stilettos and a pencil skirt and expect someone to continue being unaware of the thin shell it provides over a very uncertain core. You have to find value in beauty rather than simply being hott.

While staging a situation may help initially, it will never build a strong relationship. There's a very short path until Facebook stalking (and other forms) runs out and you have to have some credibility and genuine courage to take on an unpredictable scenario.

I really have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this. Which.. is bad since blog posts like this really should be directly to the point on a very specific topic, while I'm throwing all kinds of crazy stuff in here.

I suppose my point is wondering if we know who we genuinely are. Beneath all the manipulation and dyed hair and layers and layers and layers that we hide ourselves under, who are we really?

Because who we are is not simply a verbal statement or a character we have persuaded the world to believe we represent. Who we are stems from the very core of the decisions we make and the purest of all our thoughts and emotions. 

That's who we are.

And we want to make sure that its enough.

Enough for ourselves.