A Perfect Match

Growing up there were two ducks that would visit my neighborhood every year or so.. just traveling around the city together. You wouldn't think you could learn about love from ducks but their companionship was one I always admired. 

"And that's what I want. Isn't that what everyone wants? Someone who likes you so much that you know they're genuinely interested in what you've spent the last hour rambling to them about. Someone who always goes the extra mile and doesn't hide that you mean everything to them. I want that. I miss that. I realize that even with that crazy love you still have to work for things. It's still not going to be easy but the point is that you both care about each other to not put yourself first for once and really put forth an effort."

I wrote this a while back in one of my journals and after rediscovering it today I felt it fit in perfectly with some things that have bothered me this week that I've been attempting to make sense of. I had a friend confide in me about a relationship with their significant other and the problematic situations that have popped up in its progression. Things they shared have made me wonder what precautions could have been taken in order to prevent such a scenario. 

I have a very strong belief in the need for similarity between two people in order to have compatibility.
compatible: "able to exist or occur together without conflict"
It's impossible to create a relationship in which conflict is entirely nonexistent but that doesn't mean that you can't come close.
Quite often, the more similar two people are, the more attracted they will be to one another and the better they'll get along.
This is due to a similarity in lifestyles, interests, perceptions..
And as minor as some things may seem, they have often proven to "make a mountain out of a molehill."

This past summer I learned about the need for attraction on 5 different levels for a successful relationship.

1. Physical:
There's a lot more to be said about physical attraction than most people realize. Yes, there's the obvious "I think he/she is handsome/beautiful" but it goes a lot deeper than that. We are often attracted to people physically as their health is similar to our own. If you are interested in sports, you will most likely find someone who is also active in sports physically attractive. There's also the idea that when finding a partner, you are attracted to physical characteristics similar to those of people you have looked up to in your life-- i.e. one of your parents. I've seen this example in a friend whose mother is brunette and largely due to that, he finds brunettes more attractive than women with other hair colors.

2. Mental:
People need to connect on an intellectual and personal level. As you develop relationships, it becomes quite apparent if the two of you are on the same wavelength mentally. I would say that mental attraction is the largest of the 5 levels of attraction. Mental attraction includes one's intelligence, interests, thought processes, perception of life, communication. . . . Attraction exists towards these topics when you feel that you can relate to someone-- i.e. share a similar level of intelligence, follow related interests, communicate effectively, discuss personal situations with a mutual understanding. . . . no one is attracted to someone who is so mentally opposite that both parties cannot share similar thoughts or ideas.

3. Emotional:
The 5 Love Languages appear to be an important aspect of being attracted to someone emotionally. "Speaking" someone's love language may not occur naturally and may take some time and awareness but it is important to have the connection in which a person provides for your individual emotional needs. This has a lot to do with someone being able to read your mood and after doing so, know how to react. We are attracted to those that we feel understand and connect with ourselves emotionally.

4. Spiritual:
I truly appreciate the idea of finding someone spiritually attractive. I can't even stress how important it is to find someone whose spirituality is in the same ballpark as your own. Spiritual compatibility is the frosting that is going to fill in all the gingerbread crumbles and it is essential to connect with someone who you can grow with spiritually. I've found that your spirituality is one of the greatest indicators of maturity and compatibility than any of these other 4 attractions.

5. Financial:

Finances.. one of the biggest conflicts in marriages. I've found that I am attracted to men who handle their finances similar to the way I handle my own. I was raised a frugal shopper with the view that thrift stores are my best friends but I also find value in sacrificing some extra money for things that I may care enough to save up for like traveling or a nice car. While this style of spending attracts me, going into debt or cutting off spending almost entirely is rather difficult to accept. Large variations in spending habits can add a large amount of stress to a relationship that requires a lot of sacrifice on both partners' parts to repair.

As outlined, an attraction on 5 levels is not perhaps necessary, but can provide effective in establishing a successful relationship.
We are attracted to those that are both similar and compatible, with added alterations that give each individual their own person and invite learning and interest in slight differences.
Core attraction and compatibility are what create the foundation to a successful marriage because those lifestyles and modes of understanding and functionality are already intact.

So how do you marry someone who isn't a DB? You break them down on 5 levels and compare your attraction and compatibility with one another.