I do not enjoy "falling in love." That is not the phrase I am looking for but it will suffice for the time being. I reallllly just don't. For me, it is a mental catastrophe.
Here are a few reasons why I dislike "falling in love."
1. I start psyching myself out that the guy doesn't actually like me (even if he has said that he does or obviously indicates that he does.) It is an insecurity of mine that I cannot actually believe that someone is as genuinely interested in me and enjoys spending time with me the way I do with them. I shouldn't need a constant confirmation that the guy actually likes me and its not just a pity situation but to be honest, I want one.
2. I am often on guard as to what my actions are and what I am saying. The guy doesn't necessarily cause a change in my actions but I am so much more aware of what I do and definitely do some things a lot more fashionably.
3. I do not want to lose the guy as a friend by changing the relationship into a new level that will fail. I believe that in the majority of situations, it is impossible to go back to a friendship after being romantically involved with someone and my fear of losing people makes me hesitate to do things that would jeopardize losing someone altogether.
4. I have a mental battle with myself over believing that the relationship could actually go somewhere in contrast to the hell my other relationships have turned into. Sure, I believe that at some point in my life I'm going to find that perfect guy and things will finally work out and we'll live happily ever after but in my mind that is always a fairy tale.. not something I can honestly tell you I believe could happen today.
5. I never know how much to get attached. I don't want to get too attached to a guy or an idea of a relationship working out if it will never make it very far. BUT I also don't want to lose a guy or that happily ever after because I was too afraid to put all my efforts into it. Which goes back to the whole pity-stalking idea in which I don't want a one sided, I feel like an annoying obsessed stalker crush.
This topic is something I could honestly discuss for hours but I'm tired so I'm going to sleep.
P.S.- I'm sorry if you are a victim of my love.
I don't know if you want my thoughts but i will share anyways. lol. Personally, I go through all of the stuff you just described. I try not to and I am TONS better than I used to be but nonetheless it happens on occasion. However I feel that the best approach, one that has helped me through these feelings every time, is to focus on your own self improvement and doing what the Lord wants and everything will fall into place. This helps for a number of reasons but the two most significant are...
ReplyDelete1: You begin to feel better about yourself and stop worrying about what other people, aka boys (in my case girls) think of you because you are constantly reminded who you are, and...
2: Result one leads you to be more confident in your interactions with others, specifically boys (in my case girls), which in turn will lead more of them to like you.
These two results are ultimately the cure for all of the above mentioned problems(except number 3 which ultimately is inescapable sometimes, however I don't think it is impossible to be friends, it just requires a lot more work and lot more thought/emotional control)because they breed self confidence and improve self worth. Consequently after these two things occur, be sure to continue in the same patterns you established before they occurred because otherwise you will regress, I know this from experience. Good luck, you are awesome!